Bruno Vincent – författare

Welcome to the world of Fairy Tales, Millennial style...Inside you'll find Sleeping Beauty waking up Woke, the Nanny Goats Gruff getting trolled, and three little pigs explaining that - realistically - a house of straw is really the only way a first time buyer can get on the property ladder.Goldilocks discovers a darling little Porridge pop-up, the Pied Piper shifts his content strategy to attract more followers, and Hansel and Gretel meet a witch with a disruptive approach to clean eating.

In The New Adventures of Old Sherlock, a brand-new series, Holmes and Watson return to the site of their most famous case – and discover someone is hounding the Baskervilles!'Highly amusing. Vincent revives the great detective, putting Victorian values on a collision course with modern mores' Lucien Young, author of Alice in Brexitland_____________________ Sherlock Holmes needs a holiday, so Dr Watson has taken him to Dartmoor, where they find a very changed Baskerville Hall. The gaunt, gothic mansion has gone: it’s now an eco-friendly, zero-waste yoga retreat.But trouble is (cold-)brewing beneath the solar panels. Someone is stirring up hate against the supposedly “woke” agenda at Baskerville and is sending anonymous death threats, in the form of a gun’s trigger and the word ‘BEWARE’! Even worse, there are reports that the slathering hell-hound on the moor has returned!Can Holmes and Watson negotiate the heightened emotions between different social media tribes, without getting themselves permanently cancelled – or even murdered*?*I mean looking at their track record, ‘yes’ is probably the answer, but it will be fun finding out!_____________________'This is a clever as parody gets. How Bruno Vincent has managed to maintain a Holmesian atmosphere with a machine gun gag rate is a mystery in itself. Wonderful stuff’ Ian Moore, bestselling author of Death and Croissants

In The New Adventures of Old Sherlock, a brand-new series, it’s Christmas at Baker Street, and Holmes is obsessed his most fiendish of unsolved cases: someone is murdering Santas across London!'Highly amusing. Vincent revives the great detective, putting Victorian values on a collision course with modern mores' Lucien Young, author of Alice in Brexitland_____________________ As Holmes and Watson struggle through the Christmas-shopping crowds, they must catch this most dastardly and un-Christmassy of villains, while sneakily trying to purchase each other’s Christmas presents (they are in the world’s least-secret Secret Santa, after all).Meanwhile, with the museums of London refusing to return cultural artefacts to their countries of origin, someone is taking matters into their own hands, and stealing back what was stolen.Are the cases connected, and could an ancient air fryer of demonic power hold the key to the mystery of the murdered Santas? And more importantly, can you prepare a whole Christmas dinner in an air fryer*?*Whether you can or not, Dr Watson’s going to give it a jolly good try. Ho Ho Holmes!_____________________'This is a clever as parody gets. How Bruno Vincent has managed to maintain a Holmesian atmosphere with a machine gun gag rate is a mystery in itself. Wonderful stuff’ Ian Moore, bestselling author of Death and Croissants

In The New Adventures of Old Sherlock, a brand-new series, Sherlock Holmes is feeling like an analogue detective in a digital world!'Highly amusing. Vincent revives the great detective, putting Victorian values on a collision course with modern mores' Lucien Young, author of Alice in Brexitland _____________________ The world’s richest and most obnoxious Tech Bro (freshly decamped to the English countryside) has invited Sherlock Holmes to visit … and vanished before Holmes gets there! Did he intend for the Great Detective to investigate his disappearance?Dr Watson is alarmed that Sherlock Holmes is growing forgetful. He can hardly remember why he came into a room, and keeps misplacing things. Is he finally losing his memory? Or is all a ruse, to engage a villain who may or may not be a piece of malevolent AI? And while we’re talking about things being de-crypted, could Holmes’s supposedly deceased adversary Moriarty be behind it all?Only Sherlock Holmes can save the day – and of course Watson, if he can recall where he wrote down his damned list of passwords*!*They’ve got to be somewhere…_____________________'This is a clever as parody gets. How Bruno Vincent has managed to maintain a Holmesian atmosphere with a machine gun gag rate is a mystery in itself. Wonderful stuff’ Ian Moore, bestselling author of Death and Croissants

'All I had ever wanted was privacy. In order to get it, it seemed that an exceptionally detailed 500,000-word book was in order...' He was born into an ancient powerful dynasty and, through no fault of his own, became one of the most recognisable men on the planet.His life was a constant barrage of press intrusion and manipulation. Until finally, he demanded that it stop. In order to get the privacy he so craved, he has written a frostbite-and-all book that goes deep inside the castle walls and exposes every shouting match, fist-fight, betrayal, teddy bear, awkward hug and tear-stained wedding rehearsal for the world to feast their eyes on. All for privacy!This is his story.

Is The Sound of Music insensitive to deaf people, or The Barber of Seville cruel to the follicly challenged? In this age of gender fluidity, is the title Guys and Dolls acceptable when the more tasteful People of Unspecified Gender would do?Protecting delicate sensibilities from the harmful values of yesteryear, You Can't Say That Any More reveals the shocking danger around us in the books, films and TV shows we used to cherish. From Bambi to Bleak House, from the lack of balcony safeguarding in Romeo and Juliet to the troubling depiction of body dysmorphia in The Very Hungry Caterpillar, we are surrounded on all sides by danger, depravity and profoundly harmful messaging. Titles taken to task and put on the naughty step (at long last!) include: Postman Pat, Middlemarch, Happy Days, My Fair Lady, the Bible, Pride and Prejudice, Peanuts, Dante's Divine Comedy, The Wombles, Star Wars, the weather forecast, Bagpuss, Casablanca, Homer's Iliad and many, many more!Each entry includes trigger warnings, suggested edits, alternative plots and helpful rewritings of deeply problematic books, films, plays, television series and musicals.Over 100 all-time favourites disapproved of at length and in detail.

How easy is it to fall off a log? Where is the middle of nowhere? Do we really have no bananas? The readers of OLD GIT magazine are a batty, befuddled, potty-mouthed bunch, who seem to spend a significant chunk of their spare time corresponding with the publication's popular letters page. DO ANTS HAVE ARSEHOLES? is a very funny, very silly collection of questions and answers taken from this column, none of which has any basis whatsoever in fact. A must for all those who relish a heady mixture of shaggy-dog stories, toilet humour and utter lack of insight.

The letters page of Old Git magazine continues to offer its readers an opportunity to ask and provide answers to the most pressing questions of our times. Questions such as:Would it help global warming if I left my fridge door open?What's the riskiest game of risk ever played? If I fell down a disused mineshaft would Lassie really run and get help, or just sit there licking his balls?Do Bats Have Bollocks? features a host of completely new and untrue questions and answers. With bags more rude jokes, shaggy dog stories and the odd entry from a new, bewildered editor who's wondering what the hell he's got himself into, this book is every bit as laugh-out-loud funny as last year's hugely successful volume Do Ants Have Arseholes?

'He's a total rock 'n' roller. There's a bit of Mario in all of us - well, maybe not Gary Neville - but the rest of us most definitely.' Noel GallagherHe may be football's latest superstar, but Mario Balotelli is just as famous off the pitch for his eccentricity and extraordinary antics. From the time he let off fireworks in his bathroom to the notorious bib incident, he's rarely out of the news. But in his secret diary*, as we follow Mario through one turbulent football season and the trail of mayhem he leaves in his wake, we discover that the headlines only tell half the story. Whether he's hiding Silvio Berlusconi in his basement, patrolling the streets of Manchester as a caped crusader or trying to be the first Premiership footballer to go to the moon, the truth is stranger, and much funnier, than we could have expected.*not the actual diary of Mario Balotelli

Discover the inner thoughts and feelings from the legendary musicians. A hilarious gift for Oasis fans!In early 2025, a mysterious cache of papers was discovered in a skip in Manchester. Although not at first recognised, it was soon discovered to be a secret stash of private papers belonging to Oasis musicians Liam and Noel Gallagher, comprising lost diary entries from the course of the brothers’ lives, plus some laugh-out-loud correspondence and artefacts including one ‘Gospel According to Liam Gallagher’.Some might say It seems likely that the pages were intended for destruction because the details contained within are personal, often controversial and offensive. And also, frankly, quite ridiculous. Are they a work of forgery intended to defame the Gallagher brothers? Or a true glimpse into what has been going on behind the scenes over the decades?**Legally I am obliged to tell you that the latter is not the case… Or is it??****Again, the lawyer insists I say: no.

Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy confront possibly their toughest challenge yet: parenthoodBringing up a baby would surely be kid's play for The Five. How hard could it possibly be?! When the doorbell rings one Saturday afternoon, the last thing the Five were expecting to find on their doorstep was a baby... But the Five are next of kin to Cousin Rupert and his wife, so when they find themselves in a spot of bother and are destined for a short spell behind bars, Anne, Dick, George and Anne are the first port of call. First, it's the fear and the tiredness that kicks in. They are terrified at being responsible for this new life and have no idea they're doing it right. Why is it crying? They use Dr Google constantly, who whatever the situation offers the same range of advice from 'don't worry about it' to 'rush her to the A&E'. 'Why is she crying?' they constantly ask. 'Why?' It keeps them up all night every night, until they are reduced to walking ghosts, haunted by a numb and impotent fury. Is this an adventure too far for our Five?

The Five attempt to scale the property ladder in this new Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups!

] A howl drifted up from nearby woodland and everyone shifted closer together. 'How about a ghost story,' suggested George.From the author of November 2016 Number One Christmas bestseller, Five on Brexit Island, join the Five in their next hilarious adventure in this bestselling series for grown-ups!It's a dark winter's night and the Five are scaring themselves witless recounting tales that would terrify the bravest of souls. From encounters with American werewolves and being lost in space, to ghostly graveyard apparitions, it is hardly surprising that there is a sleepless night ahead of the intrepid crew. Even grumpy old Uncle Quentin and kind Aunt Fanny cannot be relied upon to be entirely themselves . . .

Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy are keen to show Aunt Fanny how much she means to them.Join Julian, George, Dick, Anne and Timmy the dog as they try to celebrate Mother's Day with Aunt Fanny. George has past form in forgetting - not least her mum's birthday and Christmas presents - so tensions are running high even for the charged normality of their mother/daughter bond.But things go from bad to worse when Fanny comes to stay, with relations strained almost to breaking point. Can the Five save the day, and will Uncle Quentin get involved?

Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy confront a new challenge: is it possible to get a good gluten-free cream tea?Julian, Anne, Dick, George and Timmy are all feeling really rather rum, and it's been going on for days. Nothing seems to work, and with their doctors mystified, they're driven to trying out various expedients to cure themselves. Julian goes online to self-diagnose that he's got pancreatic cancer, bird flu and Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease. Anne decides that the old methods are the best and decides to have herself exorcised - which proves to be an awful lot of bother for everyone, and such a mess. Dick goes to a witch-doctor who calls himself a 'homeopath' ('sounds only one short of sociopath, Dick!') but it's George who discovers they need to go on an exclusion diet, so they enter a world of hard-to-find, maddeningly expensive specialist foods . . .Just perfect for anyone who likes Deliciously Ella, Amelia Freer and the Naturalista - as well as any reluctant partners who are begrudgingly spiralising courgettes for dinner.

Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy confront possibly their toughest challenge yet: parenthoodBringing up a baby would surely be kid's play for The Five. How hard could it possibly be?! When the doorbell rings one Saturday afternoon, the last thing the Five were expecting to find on their doorstep was a baby... But the Five are next of kin to Cousin Rupert and his wife, so when they find themselves in a spot of bother and are destined for a short spell behind bars, Anne, Dick, George and Anne are the first port of call. First, it's the fear and the tiredness that kicks in. They are terrified at being responsible for this new life and have no idea they're doing it right. Why is it crying? They use Dr Google constantly, who whatever the situation offers the same range of advice from 'don't worry about it' to 'rush her to the A&E'. 'Why is she crying?' they constantly ask. 'Why?' It keeps them up all night every night, until they are reduced to walking ghosts, haunted by a numb and impotent fury. Is this an adventure too far for our Five?