Gill Sims – författare

The smash hit Sunday Times bestseller. Tuesday 8th September First day back at school. I am going to 100% nail being a school mummy this year. I can totally do this. Yes, this year is definitely going to be much better – I am absolutely not going to shout at the children, let them stuff their faces with crisps or goggle away on the iPad. And I most certainly will not slump on the sofa at the end of the day, glugging wine and muttering ‘FML’ repeatedly. Unfortunately I have not yet actually managed to buy the bento boxes for their lunches or book jiu jitsu lessons, and I will have to learn to like green tea, as it is foul, and I have not yet mastered French plaits, but I am quietly confident that these are mere details in my grand master plan… It is Mummy’s 39th birthday. She is staring down the barrel of a future of people asking if she wants to come to their advanced yoga classes, and polite book clubs where everyone claims to be tiddly after a glass of Pinot Grigio and says things like ‘Oooh gosh, are you having another glass?’But Mummy does not want to go quietly into that good night of women with sensible haircuts who ‘live for their children’ and stand in the playground trying to trump each other with their offspring’s extracurricular activities and achievements, and boasting about their latest holidays.Instead, she clutches a large glass of wine, muttering ‘FML’ over and over again. Until she remembers the gem of an idea she’s had…

The hilarious second novel, and Sunday Times No 1 Bestseller, from author of the smash hit Why Mummy Drinks. Monday, 25 JulyThe first day of the holidays. I suppose it could’ve been worse. I brightly announced that perhaps it might be a lovely idea to go to a stately home and learn about some history. As soon as we got there I remembered why I don’t use the flipping National Trust membership – because National Trust properties are full of very precious and breakable items, and very precious and breakable items don’t really mix with children, especially not small boys. Where I had envisaged childish faces glowing with wonder as they took in the treasures of our nation’s illustrious past, we instead had me shouting ‘Don’t touch, DON’T TOUCH, FFS DON’T TOUCH!” while stoutly shod pensioners tutted disapprovingly and drafted angry letters to the Daily Mail in their heads.How many more days of the holiday are there?Welcome to Mummy’s world…The Boy Child Peter is connected to his iPad by an umbilical cord, The Girl Child Jane is desperate to make her fortune as an Instagram lifestyle influencer, while Daddy is constantly off on exotic business trips…Mummy’s marriage is feeling the strain, her kids are running wild and the house is steadily developing a forest of mould. Only Judgy, the Proud and Noble Terrier, remains loyal as always.Mummy has also found herself a new challenge, working for a hot new tech start-up. But not only is she worrying if, at forty-two, she could actually get up off a bean bag with dignity, she’s also somehow (accidentally) rebranded herself as a single party girl who works hard, plays hard and doesn’t have to run out when the nanny calls in sick.Can Mummy keep up the facade while keeping her family afloat? Can she really get away with wearing ‘comfy trousers’ to work? And, more importantly, can she find the time to pour herself a large G+T?Probably effing not.

Family begins with a capital eff. I’m wondering how many more f*cking ‘phases’ I have to endure before my children become civilised and functioning members of society? It seems like people have been telling me ‘it’s just a phase!’ for the last fifteen bloody years. Not sleeping through the night is ‘just a phase.’ Potty training and the associated accidents ‘is just a phase’. The tantrums of the terrible twos are ‘just a phase’. The picky eating, the back chat, the obsessions. The toddler refusals to nap, the teenage inability to leave their beds before 1pm without a rocket being put up their arse. The endless singing of Frozen songs, the dabbing, the weeks where apparently making them wear pants was akin to child torture. All ‘just phases!’ When do the ‘phases’ end though? WHEN? Mummy dreams of a quirky rural cottage with roses around the door and chatty chickens in the garden. Life, as ever, is not going quite as she planned. Paxo, Oxo and Bisto turn out to be highly rambunctious, rather than merely chatty, and the roses have jaggy thorns. Her precious moppets are now giant teenagers, and instead of wittering at her about who would win in a fight – a dragon badger or a ninja horse – they are Snapchatting the night away, stropping around the tiny cottage and communicating mainly in grunts – except when they are demanding Ellen provides taxi services in the small hours. And there is never, but never, any milk in the house. At least the one thing they can all agree on is that rescued Barry the Wolfdog may indeed be The Ugliest Dog in the World, but he is also the loveliest.

No.1 bestselling author Gill Sims is back with her eagerly awaited fourth and final Why Mummy novel. I just wanted them to stop wittering at me, eat vegetables without complaining, let me go to the loo in peace and learn to make a decent gin and tonic. Mummy has been a wife and mother for so long that she’s a little bit lost. And despite her best efforts, her precious moppets still don’t know the location of the laundry basket, the difference between being bored and being hungry, or that saying ‘I can’t find it Mummy’ is not the same as actually looking for it!Amidst the chaos of A-Levels and driving tests, she’s doing her best to keep her family afloat, even if everybody is set on drifting off in different directions, and that one of those directions is to make yet another bloody snack. She’s feeling overwhelmed and under appreciated, and the only thing that Mummy knows for sure is that the bigger the kids, the bigger the drink. Reader reviews for Why Mummy’s Sloshed ‘Utterly brilliant’ ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐‘Gill Sims never fails to make me laugh out loud’ ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐‘I fell in love with Gill Sims razor-sharp wit’ ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐‘I just adore this series’ ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐‘Ellen is the single most relatable character in any book’ ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐‘Devastated the series is finished’ ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

No.1 bestselling author Gill Sims is back with her eagerly awaited fourth and final Why Mummy novel. I just wanted them to stop wittering at me, eat vegetables without complaining, let me go to the loo in peace and learn to make a decent gin and tonic. Mummy has been a wife and mother for so long that she’s a little bit lost. And despite her best efforts, her precious moppets still don’t know the location of the laundry basket, the difference between being bored and being hungry, or that saying ‘I can’t find it Mummy’ is not the same as actually looking for it!Amidst the chaos of A-Levels and driving tests, she’s doing her best to keep her family afloat, even if everybody is set on drifting off in different directions, and that one of those directions is to make yet another bloody snack. She’s feeling overwhelmed and under appreciated, and the only thing that Mummy knows for sure is that the bigger the kids, the bigger the drink. Reader reviews for Why Mummy’s Sloshed ‘Utterlybrilliant’ ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐‘Gill Sims never fails to make me laugh out loud’ ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐‘I fell in love with Gill Sims razor-sharp wit’ ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐‘I just adore this series’ ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐‘Ellen is the single most relatable character in any book’ ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐‘Devastated the series is finished’ ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

It’s time for a w(h)ine “God, she’s funny” – Jilly Cooper ‘Oh, for f*ck’s sake’ muttered Claire under her breath, as she opened the fridge to see what she could find for a no effort dinner. The children continued to fight behind her. They regarded any form of fish not encased in breadcrumbs as toxic, and were resistant enough to the delicious homemade fishfingers Claire had made for them, insisting they much preferred Captain Birdseye’s version. White wine was starting to look like quite an appealing dinner actually. Maybe just a small glass. ‘Are you having wine, Mum? You know you’re not supposed to have wine every night. We did about alcohol units at school. That’s quite a big glass of wine, how many units do you think are in it?’ ’Bet the bastards didn’t tell you that wine is remarkably good at cancelling out whining though, did they?’ muttered Claire. Claire’s family has gone nuclear. Her precious moppets keep calling Childline when she feeds them broccoli, she’s utterly Ottolenghied out at weekends, and her darling husband is having an affair with her best friend.The question isn’t whether she needs a glass of wine, but is there one big enough?Enter the Sauvignon Sisterhood, a new set of friends brought together by a shared love of liquid therapy. Together they might just be able to convince Claire that, like a good bottle of red, life really can get better with age. Or at least there’s more to it than the joy of an M&S non-iron school uniform.

The No.1 bestselling author of the Why Mummy series’ debut novel for young YA readers! 📔📚💜📔📚💜📔📚💜💜Fourteen-year-old Emily is gloomily spending the summer with her mum’s best friend Uncle Tom, helping him renovate his house, instead of being at home hoping the gorgeous Toby will ask her out. Worse, she’s broken her phone and left her iPad at her dad’s house. How is she supposed to survive without her tech, her BFF and her social life? No one understands her despair, least of all the boomers.Then she finds her mum’s old diary. MASSIVE CRINGE. But as Emily starts to read, she’s stunned to discover that her mum was once a teenager too. A nineties teenager called Lila MacKay, who was VERY MISUNDERSTOOD. It’s a long-forgotten era of weird fashions, TV shows and music Emily’s never heard of. There are boys too, notably cute Park Boy Tom and her mum’s dorky neighbour Weird Nicky. And as she becomes more and more invested in Lila’s teenage life, Emily begins to wonder if perhaps she and her mother are not so different after all…💚 Perfect for fans of Geek Girl and readers who are that next age up from Lottie Brooks. 💜 Readers LOVE Lila Mackay! “I can't wait to find out what happens next for Lila as I know there are more diaries to read! Perfect for fans of Lottie Brooks. I was looking for a new series to get into!!” – Nia, 13“Absolutely brilliant!"“Every time I put it down, my 16-year-old daughter picks it up and reads it!”“I am clearly not the demographic for this novel (but can identify greatly with it as I was a teenager in the nineties) – however, my daughter IS, and she genuinely really, really loves it!"

The No.1 bestselling author of the Why Mummy series is back with her second book for young YA readers! 📔📚💜📔📚💜📔📚💜In the throes of her first heartbreak, 14yo Emily flees to her dad’s house to lick her wounds. To make things worse, she’s fallen out with her best friend Poppy about it all. No one can possibly understand how awful she feels.But through another of her mother's old diaries from the 90s, Emily learns that Lila Mackay’s teen love life was also messy, unfair, and filled with misunderstandings that resulted in a dreadful break-up with her first love, Nicky. Emily soon realises how much more important her best friend is than a dumb boy.But she has a funny feeling that perhaps Nicky was her mum’s true love all along. Can Emily reunite with Poppy and work together to give her mum the happy ending she deserves?

No.1 bestselling author Gill Sims is back with her eagerly awaited sixth Why Mummy novel. When family life gives you lemons, trade them for grapes! Mummy Ellen has a Vision. She will cherish every moment this holiday with her Moppets Peter and Jane, alongside her ride-or-die best pal, Hannah. There will be wicker baskets! Vintage bicycles! Pink sunshine wine! And not an electronic babysitter in sight.But as she strives for her picture-perfect “Ultimate Family Summer” in her not-quite-a-chateau, reality crashes the party. With small feral hell-beasts to keep alive on the daily, and Hannah suddenly MIA, wine o’clock gets earlier by the day.Can Ellen keep The Vision alive without resorting to nightly beige ‘freezer tapas’ (aka guilt-flavoured chicken nuggets)? Or will she reach the end of her Gentle Parenting book – and her tether – as her dream holiday descends into a nightmare?Join Ellen on her uproarious quest to salvage one of the #18PreciousSummers, or simply find her Grape Escape.

No.1 bestselling author Gill Sims is back with her eagerly awaited sixth Why Mummy novel. When family life gives you lemons, trade them for grapes! Mummy Ellen has a Vision. She will cherish every moment this holiday with her Moppets Peter and Jane, alongside her ride-or-die best pal, Hannah. There will be wicker baskets! Vintage bicycles! Pink sunshine wine! And not an electronic babysitter in sight.But as she strives for her picture-perfect “Ultimate Family Summer” in her not-quite-a-chateau, reality crashes the party. With small feral hell-beasts to keep alive on the daily, and Hannah suddenly MIA, wine o’clock gets earlier by the day.Can Ellen keep The Vision alive without resorting to nightly beige ‘freezer tapas’ (aka guilt-flavoured chicken nuggets)? Or will she reach the end of her Gentle Parenting book – and her tether – as her dream holiday descends into a nightmare?Join Ellen on her uproarious quest to salvage one of the #18PreciousSummers, or simply find her Grape Escape.

‘I romped through ‘Why Mummy Drinks at Christmas’, and I absolutely adored it’ – Jilly CooperTis’ the season to get trollied!Mummy has always loved Christmas. Sure, the kids turn into demons, the dinner gets burnt to a crisp and Aunt Louisa’s general staggering inappropriateness sends Mummy reaching for the nearest maximum-strength festive tipple, but nevertheless, for her, Christmas is always special.This year, she wants nothing more than to perfectly fig up the pudding and sit by the fire reading aloud from A Christmas Carol to a rapt, rosy-cheeked audience. But, just like all Mummy’s best-laid plans, this year’s Festive Vision is in danger of being totally derailed by her chaotic family. There’s not much chance of any action under the mistletoe, and the kids are just not playing ball.Can Mummy find her silver lining after all and bring the whole family together for one moment of harmony, so they can finally proclaim ‘Verily You Are the Queen of Christmas’? Or should she get stuck into the festive spirits and just let it all go?

‘I romped through ‘Why Mummy Drinks at Christmas’, and I absolutely adored it’ – Jilly Cooper Tis’ the season to get trollied! Mummy has always loved Christmas. Sure, the kids turn into demons, the dinner gets burnt to a crisp and Aunt Louisa’s general staggering inappropriateness sends Mummy reaching for the nearest maximum-strength festive tipple, but nevertheless, for her, Christmas is always special.This year, she wants nothing more than to perfectly fig up the pudding and sit by the fire reading aloud from A Christmas Carol to a rapt, rosy-cheeked audience. But, just like all Mummy’s best-laid plans, this year’s Festive Vision is in danger of being totally derailed by her chaotic family. There’s not much chance of any action under the mistletoe, and the kids are just not playing ball.Can Mummy find her silver lining after all and bring the whole family together for one moment of harmony, so they can finally proclaim ‘Verily You Are the Queen of Christmas’? Or should she get stuck into the festive spirits and just let it all go?