Vanessa Bennett – författare

Two therapists analyze their own relationship to help untangle the common and frustrating barriers many individuals face on the road to a happy, loving, rewarding partnership.

Many of the clients who end up in our respective therapist offices thought they were doing relationships right—avoiding the white picket fence, focusing on careers and experiences over babies and legally-binding documents, choosing someone after they “found themselves” first. However, like clockwork, around their early to mid-thirties, these clients show up at our door. Why? For the first time, they realize that they dislike their relationship and are frustrated by their partner but know that another break-up won’t fix things. They recognize a pattern of relationship misery that has them finally looking in the mirror asking, how do you make a relationship last?

It took us many relationships, our own inner self journey (which we’re still on), therapy, therapy school, and helping thousands of people with their relationships, to learn to have better ones ourselves.Vanessa woke up at 31, after ending an engagement and moving to Los Angeles. John thought he woke up at 35 after his divorce.But he didn’t truly wake up until he was pushing 40.

In It’s Not Me, It’s You, John and Vanessa dissect their own relationship to help readers figure out theirs: what their relationships were like in the past, what traumas they carried into the new relationship, and how they work on growing together to foster a healthy and long-term bond.

The surprising truth is falling in love is more about you than your partner. It’s more about challenge and growth than comfort and ease, and roots don’t grow from wishful thinking—they grow in the soil of communication, curiosity, patience, and understanding.

It’s Not Me, It’s You is for anyone looking for real advice on relationships that takes both sides into account and discusses relationships with the honesty and clarity we all need.

Supplemental enhancement PDF accompanies the audiobook.

Two therapists analyze their own relationship to help untangle the common and frustrating barriers many individuals face on the road to a happy, loving, rewarding partnership.

Many of the clients who end up in our respective therapist offices thought they were doing relationships right—avoiding the white picket fence, focusing on careers and experiences over babies and legally-binding documents, choosing someone after they “found themselves” first. However, like clockwork, around their early to mid-thirties, these clients show up at our door. Why? For the first time, they realize that they dislike their relationship and are frustrated by their partner but know that another break-up won’t fix things. They recognize a pattern of relationship misery that has them finally looking in the mirror asking, how do you make a relationship last?

It took us many relationships, our own inner self journey (which we’re still on), therapy, therapy school, and helping thousands of people with their relationships, to learn to have better ones ourselves. Vanessa woke up at 31, after ending an engagement and moving to Los Angeles. John thought he woke up at 35 after his divorce. But he didn’t truly wake up until he was pushing 40. 

In It’s Not Me, It’s You, John and Vanessa dissect their own relationship to help readers figure out theirs: what their relationships were like in the past, what traumas they carried into the new relationship, and how they work on growing together to foster a healthy and long-term bond.

The surprising truth is falling in love is more about you than your partner. It’s more about challenge and growth than comfort and ease, and roots don’t grow from wishful thinking—they grow in the soil of communication, curiosity, patience, and understanding.

It’s Not Me, It’s You is for anyone looking for real advice on relationships that takes both sides into account and discusses relationships with the honesty and clarity we all need.

A guide to reclaim your Self as a mother—realize why it’s hard, reassess boundaries, recognize archetypes, and revolutionize how you parent and partner“A lifeline for any mother ready to stop repeating patterns and start reclaiming her power.” —Shefali Tsabary, PhD, New York Times bestselling authorIt’s no secret that the transition to motherhood can be difficult. We’re fed myths that we should know how to be mothers, that it should be effortless, that we’ll parent harmoniously with our partners… when the reality is anything but. The Motherhood Myth offers the profound support that mothers so desperately need—not just an explanation of the challenges but a nuanced understanding of why we’re experiencing them and, most crucially, how we can navigate through them. Vanessa Bennett, a therapist and mother, has sat with countless clients navigating the same pain points she faced. Motherhood is an initiation into a new way of being, but most of us have lost touch with the myths, stories, and ancestral knowledge that once guided us through this radical shift in identity. The Motherhood Myth draws on depth psychology to support us through this transition by:• Exploring the patriarchal social and cultural forces that impact parenting today• Introducing key archetypes, along with their golden and shadow qualities• Illuminating the importance of initiation as we shift from one way of being to another… and how this is missing for many women today• Sharing stories that illustrate archetypes in action—from the goddess Kali to the tale of Demeter—and how we can see ourselves in these myths• Asking provocative questions about intimacy, consent, and connection• Creating shifts in our lives to claim our sovereignty and identity as MotherIn each chapter, Bennett shares relatable personal or client stories as well as practical tools to help us discover and embody an unshakable sense of Self. She also provides skills and scripts to increase capacity for conflict, vulnerability, and discomfort. As Bennett explains, “I want to shout from the rooftops that life is not meant to be simply ‘gotten through’ or endured.” This guide can help you “navigate not just the initial shift into parenthood but also the continual evolution with more ease, authenticity, and self-compassion.”