Jag klev in i verkligheten när jag var 39 år gammal. Ur en önskan om att få tillhöra spirade insikten om att även jag var en del av mänskligheten. Min nyfunna kärlek till livet laddade mig med bävan och förväntan. Villigheten att påbörja resan med att lära mig leva var född. Med små, små steg upptäckte jag att mörker gick att vändas till ljus. Det enda jag var tvungen att göra var att våga leva annorlunda än jag någonsin gjort förut. Det här är min skildring om modet jag behöver och hur det går till när jag väljer livet.

There I am. A dazzling smile, looking straight at the camera. A child known for having social skills, but all I remember is discomfort. I played the part, though, in that strange coalition of people. At least for a while. When I found a way to relax, I finally gave up the charade. Blindly pursuing the strongest impulse I had ever felt. The emotional relief was immeasurable. Now, I needed no-one. Even life-threatening consequences were obscured by the buzz. Desperately, I tried to silence the nagging about the harm I caused. Detached, chemically mind-altered, I left the realm of the humane. Was I sick? I simply know this – no healthy human being would do what I did. This is a tale of miraculously cheating Death and, Dear Reader, of what happened when I had managed that. Then I tell of the beginnings of making things right in my world. “This is a strong narrative that should be of interest to most people. A book that even youngsters ought to read, so that they never become seduced by romanticized descriptions of narcotics or alcohol.” (Citation from booklet #12121088) Pia Holmström, Reader, BTJ, the Swedish Library Service

Jag klev in i verkligheten när jag var 39 år gammal. Ur en önskan om att få tillhöra spirade insikten om att även jag var en del av mänskligheten. Min nyfunna kärlek till livet laddade mig med bävan och förväntan. Villigheten att påbörja resan med att lära mig leva var född. Med små, små steg upptäckte jag att mörker gick att vändas till ljus. Det enda jag var tvungen att göra var att våga leva annorlunda än jag någonsin gjort förut. Det här är min skildring om modet jag behöver och hur det går till när jag väljer livet.

There I am. A dazzling smile, looking straight at the camera. A child known for having social skills, but all I remember is discomfort. I played the part, though, in that strange coalition of people. At least for a while. When I found a way to relax, I finally gave up the charade. Blindly pursuing the strongest impulse I had ever felt. The emotional relief was immeasurable. Now, I needed no-one. Even life-threatening consequences were obscured by the buzz. Desperately, I tried to silence the nagging about the harm I caused. Detached, chemically mind-altered, I left the realm of the humane. Was I sick? I simply know this – no healthy human being would do what I did. This is a tale of miraculously cheating Death and, Dear Reader, of what happened when I had managed that. Then I tell of the beginnings of making things right in my world. “This is a strong narrative that should be of interest to most people. A book that even youngsters ought to read, so that they never become seduced by romanticized descriptions of narcotics or alcohol.” (Citation from booklet #12121088) Pia Holmström, Reader, BTJ, the Swedish Library Service