Call to the Far Shore

Nancy MacMillan is a registered psychotherapist and retired certified spiritual care practitioner with master’s degrees in education and theology and experience working in palliative care, intensive care, geriatrics, and bereavement. She lives outside of Kingston, Ontario.

“Nancy MacMillan is an expert observer of dying. The Call to the Far Shore is both remarkable and personal. Her Celtic colors shine through this book with wisdom and insight. For her and hers, death is a homecoming.”

• Foreword by Robert SardelloPreface: Reimagining Death1 Mum’s Breathing Has ChangedI do not see my mum suffering; I see her dying—The tension between prolonged living and prolonged dying2 Scenes from Frontline Health CareListening as medicine—Become a safe container for your child—The morgue visit—The geriatric unit—What death looks like3 Maybe Even JoyousDying with awareness—Finding the balance between pain and consciousness—Other ways to work with pain and fear—Talking to Mum about bringing her body home after death—Giving my mother space to die4 The Long Decline and the Hard ConversationMy mum’s many moves—Decline into dementia—Become a nonanxious presence—Advance care planning for the elderly—The transition to long-term care—Siblings5 It’s a Multigenerational StoryGathering the stories of our elders—We are all matryoshka dolls6 The Deepest DiveMy close encounters with death—Cancer as a force in the world—Fear—Medical treatment, complementary treatments— You are never alone—What do you want to be alive for?7 A Different Kind of Medicine:The Mythopoetic Story of InannaPlaying chess with the devil—Inanna, our guide through the dark unknown—Descent, death, feeding the corpse, resurrection—To die before you die—Greek mysteries of Eleusis and psychotropic plant medicine8 Becoming an AncestorTracing back our roots—Who are your people?—A Celtic past—Awakeningm to our ancestors, descendants, and the unborn—Intergenerational trauma9 Continuing Our Connection beyond the Last BreathDad’s story—The angel of death—Building a bridge to the dead 10 Grief, Communion, and a New ConversationSpeaking intimately in our dying days—The continuing bond—Complex grief—Building a big-enough story—A distilled essence—Animal death—World grief and a new conversation with Earth11 The Spiritual Road to Ars MoriendiHeart and soul—Searching for more than a trickle of spirit—A short story of Christianity and Gnosticism—We all pray to something—Buddhist instructions for dying—Ars moriendi: Learn to die and you shall live—Rudolf Steiner: The dead are always with us12 The Dying TimeBack to Mum—When stars collide—Letting go of control—Mum’s dying days—Behind our dreams13 Look, the Sun Just Came OutKeening as lament and grief as praise—Why am I still here?—Mother Mary and the divine feminine—The sun just came out—Excavating childhood and building a fuller story14 A Ripe CompletionShedding layers to die—The measure of building character—All is forgiven—A reckoning conversation with Dad—Purpose in being old15 A Good Death?Allison’s story—No one way for a good death—Caring presence at a distance—Taking our cue from elephants—Indigenous children and unmarked graves—Down into the womb to be born again16 Building a Little Ship for Your DeadPrinciples of green burial—Becoming earth—Closing Time death group—Day of the Dead—Hungry ghosts—Singing for the dying17 Bringing Mum HomeJittery nerves—Get the casket now—Letting slow prevail—Developing a relationship with the local funeral home—Caring for a loved one’s body at home—My death care team18 Practicalities and MysteriesExcarnating as a process—The life review—Keeping Mum’s body cool—Navigating sisterly differences—Vigiling and visitations—Ragged moments—Should the grandchildren come all that way?19 To Carry Our DeadRitual—Funeral service and celebration—The last goodbyePostscript: There’s Always GraceAcknowledgmentsNotesBibliographyResources