Sex For Dummies

Dr. Ruth K. Westheimer is America's favorite sex therapist. Author of over 40 books and host of several TV shows on human sexual- ity, she frequently lectures around the world. Pierre A. Lehu has worked with Dr. Ruth for decades as publicist, writer, and friend.

• Introduction 1About This Book 1Foolish Assumptions 3Icons Used in This Book 4Beyond the Book 4Where to Go from Here 5Part 1: Getting Ready for Sex 7Chapter 1: So You Want to Know More about Sex 9What is Sex, Anyway? 10So Why Do We Have It? 10Understanding the Ins and Outs of the Sexual Response Cycle 16Partnering Up 18Playing It Safe 20Adjusting Over Time 20Are You Ready to Get Busy? 21Chapter 2: Tuning the Male Organ 23The Penis: Inside and Out 23Grasping the Basics of Your Testicles 31The Prostate Gland 37Chapter 3: Demystifying the Female Parts 39Making Time for a Grand Tour 40Translating All Those Latin Terms 41The “Men” Words: Menstruation and Menopause 49Breasts: Hanging in There 55Chapter 4: Dating 59Does Anybody Still Date? 60Where Chemistry and Physics Mingle 60Giving Romance a Chance to Bloom 61Overcoming Loneliness and Getting Yourself in Dating Shape 62A Road Map for the Dating Apps 63The Thrill of the Chase, the Bummer of Rejection 65Finding the Right Partner: Difficult, Yes; Impossible, No 67If You’re North of the 29th Parallel 73Practical Dating Tips for All Ages 75Should You Have Sex On a First Date? 76Chapter 5: Introducing Sex into a Relationship 77Determining When the Time is Right 79Safety First 82Advice for Virgins 84Advice for Those with Prior Experience 85Chapter 6: Commitment and Marriage 89Knowing That Love Isn’t Enough 90Handling Children and Commitment 90Putting Your Marriage First 91Strengthening Your Marriage 91Chapter 7: It’s All about Control: Contraception and Sex 97Why Use Contraceptives? 98Considering Your Birth Control Options 100Facing Facts about Birth Control Myths 119If Your Method Fails 122Chapter 8: Growing Up Fast: The Challenges of the Teen Years 127Being a Teenager in the 21st Century 128Evolving into Adulthood 130Dealing with Common Concerns 131Protecting Your Privacy 141Don’t Stop Here 142Part 2: Doing It 143Chapter 9: Foreplay: Revving Up Your Engines 145Foreplay for Life 145Linking the Emotional to the Physical 146Setting the Stage 147Getting Physical 149Switching Gears: Engaging the Genitals 154Moving on to the Main Event 159Variety is the Spice of Foreplay 160Chapter 10: Intercourse: Coming Together for the First Time 161What’s the Rush? 162Making Your First Time Special 163The First Time for Women 167The First Time for Men 170The First Time All Over Again 171Chapter 11: Changing Positions: Variations on a Theme 173The Good Old Missionary Position 174The Female-Superior Position 177Taking Her from Behind 179East Side, West Side, Side by Side 183Lap Dancing 184The Oceanic Position 185Standing Up 186Oral Sex: Using Your Mouth 187Anal Sex: Handle with Care 188Safe Sex: Playing Alone Together 189Sex During and After Pregnancy: Orgasms are Okay, with Changes 189Chapter 12: Going for the Big O 195What is an Orgasm, Anyway? 195Experiencing Orgasms: Differences for Men and Women 196Achieving Orgasm: Let Me Count the Ways 199Don’t Try — Let It Come You’ll Be Glad You Did 202Putting on Your O-Face: Responding to the Orgasmic Experience 203The Best Reason to Have an Orgasm 204Chapter 13: Afterplay: Embracing the Moment 205Understanding the Importance of Afterplay 206Sharing the Moment 207The Simplest of Techniques 209Chapter 14: Spicing Up Your Sex Life 211Using Variety to Add Some Va Va Va Voom to Your Sex Life 212Expanding Your Toy Chest 214What If You’re Just Never in the Mood? 217Part 3: Different Strokes 219Chapter 15: Enjoying Oral Sex 221Overcoming Your Inhibitions 222Leaving Him Breathless: What Men Like 223Making Her Toes Curl: What Women Like 225Dealing with Some Delicate Details 227Assuming the Position 229Addressing the Safety Issue 230Chapter 16: Savoring Solo Play and Fantasy 233Exploring the Mythology of Masturbation 233Avoiding Too Much of a Good Thing 235Masturbation: Good for All Ages 236Masturbation Education 239Fantasy: It’s All in Your Head 244Chapter 17: Keeping Up with Cybersex and Other Hot Stuff 247Eyes Wide Open: A Word of Caution 247Cybersex: Sights for Mature Minds 248Sex and the Telephone: Aural Sex 254Sex and the Radio: It’s All Talk 255Sex and Television: A Different Meaning of Boob Tube 256Pulp Nonfiction 257Sex with Multiple Partners: Where Do All of These Body Parts Go? 258Chapter 18: Celebrating Same-Sex Relationships 261Considering Sexual Identity 261Determining Your Orientation: What Turns You On 266Revealing Your Sexual Identity 266Sexual Practices among Gay Men 271Sexual Expression between Lesbians 272Marriage between Same-Sex Partners 274Chapter 19: Conquering the Challenges of Mature Sex 275Female Changes: Tackling Menopause 276Male Changes: Not All the Same 277A benefit of aging: No more premature ejaculation 280The Psychological Pluses and Minuses 280Chapter 20: Thriving Sexually with Illness or Disability 283We are All Sexual Beings 284Sex When You’re Physically Disabled 284Sex After You’ve Had a Heart Attack 288When Disabilities Arise Later in Life 290Sex When You Have Diabetes 291Sex and People Who are Mentally Disabled or Ill 293Sex and People Who are Living in a Long-Term Care Facility 295Uncompromising Compromised Sex 296Part 4: Having a Healthy Sex Life 297Chapter 21: What You Can Catch and How to Prevent It 299STDs: Battle Scars No One Wants after a Night of Sex 300Let’s Get Serious 312Chapter 22: Erectile Dysfunction and Other Male Sexual Problems 321Premature Ejaculation 322Erectile Dysfunction 328Delayed Ejaculation 338Priapism — The Case of the Permanent Erection 339The Bent Penis 339Lack of Desire 341Chapter 23: Low Libido and Other Female Sexual Problems 343That Elusive Orgasm 343Ouch! It’s Too Tight in There 351When Cleaning the House Sounds Better Than Having Sex 352Every Body is Attractive 354Sex After a Mastectomy 355Chapter 24: Avoiding Sexual Relationship Pitfalls 357Making Time for Alone Time 358Making the Most of a Long-Distance Relationship 361Dealing with Addictive Behavior: Hooked on Porn 362Staying Close to Avoid the Empty-Nest Syndrome 364Making Sex a Priority 365Chapter 25: Sex and the Law 367Sex, Children, and the Law 368Rape: A Growing Concern 372The Law and Contraception 373The Law against Spreading Diseases 374Abortion: A Legal Safeguard 375The Law and Homosexuality 376Prostitution: The Case for Legalization 377Pornography: Erotic or Obscene 378Adultery: Cheating the Law 380Chapter 26: Teaching Your Children about Sex and Keeping Them Safe 381Not Everything is Dangerous 382Answering Children’s Questions 384Warning Signs of Possible Sexual Abuse 385The Accidental Voyeur 386Protecting Your Children from the Media 387Protecting Your Kids from Cyberporn 388Giving the Speech about Strangers 391Sex Ed and the Older Child 393Other Messages You Don’t Want to Send 394Part 5: The Part of Tens 397Chapter 27: Ten Dumb Things People Believe about Sex 399If I Haven’t Had Sex by the Time I’m 18, I’m a Loser 399The More I Score, the More Pleasure I’ll Have 400The Sex Depicted in Porn is True to Life 401The Grass is Always Greener in the Neighbors’ Bedroom 401Sex Will Make Everything All Right 402A Good Lover Must Be an Open Book 402I Should Compare Sexual Partners 403I Can’t Become a Better Lover 403Lovers Want and Need the Same Things 404I’m Too Old to Have Sex 404Chapter 28: Ten Tips for Safer Sex 407Learn to Say No 407Limit Your Number of Partners 408Don’t Rely Solely on Your Instincts 408Never Dull Your Senses When You’re with Strangers 409Discuss Safer Sex in Advance 409Use Condoms 410Develop a Relationship Before You Have Sex 410Don’t Engage in Risky Behavior 411Don’t Forget about the Other STDs 411Don’t Sell Your Other Options Short 412Chapter 29: Ten Things Women Wish Men Knew about Sex 413Chivalry Isn’t Dead Yet 413Appearances Count 414You Can’t Hurry Love 414A Clitoris is Not Just a Small Penis 415Women Need to Bask in the Afterglow 415Kinky Sex Isn’t Sexy Sex 416Wandering Eyes Mean Less Sex 417Slam-Bam-Thank-You-Ma’am Doesn’t Cut the Mustard 417Changing Diapers is Sexy 418Just Because You Can’t Doesn’t Mean You Won’t 418Chapter 30: Ten Things Men Wish Women Knew about Sex 419Being Aware of Mixed Signals 419Lack of Sex Really Can Hurt 420Sometimes Wasting Electricity is Okay 420Teamwork is Important 420Celebrities’ Bodies are Not a Threat 421A Little Tact, Please 422If You Really Loved Me, You’d 422The Way to a Man’s Heart is Not through His Stomach 423It Might Just Be Sex 423The Older a Man Gets, the More Help He Needs 424Chapter 31: Ten Tips for Truly Great Lovers 425Don’t Make Love on Your First Date 425Set the Mood as Far in Advance as Possible 426Find Out What Your Partner Needs 426Protect Yourself and Your Partner 427Don’t Fall into a Rut 427Fix the Potholes of Love 428Use Your Sense of Touch 428Become a Great Kisser 429Satisfy Your Partner Even If You Don’t Feel Like Sex 429Adjust to Changes Caused by Aging 430Appendix A: Step Into My Office 431Appendix B: Terrific Resources 441Index 445