Lucien Young - Böcker

**TOTALLY INAUTHENTIC** Unfiltered thoughts from the nation’s foremost pub bore Love him or hate him (polling suggests it’s mostly the latter), you can’t avoid Nigel Farage. The pint-wielding provocateur burst into national consciousness as a UKIP MEP and later served as the architect of Brexit — y’know, that unmitigated success we’re all so happy about. Now he’s leader of Reform UK, the Suicide Squad of reactionary politics, and poised to become Prime Minister.Strange as it may seem, this veteran rabble-rouser, gold bullion salesman and part-time MP could soon inhabit 10 Downing Street. As Britain lurches towards an uncertain future, Farage blasts his anti-migrant message on the BBC, GB News … even Cameo. For all his claims of censorship by the mainstream media, it feels like we never stop hearing from him. But that’s Nigel in public mode — how does the Clacton Klaxon really think?The Secret Diary of Nigel Farage Aged 61¾ takes you behind the scenes as the flat-capped blusterer prepares for government. What follows is a chaotic odyssey of campaigning, complaining and day-drinking. Whether you regard Farage as a deranged demagogue or a champion of Legitimate Concerns™, one thing’s for sure: it’s going to be a bumpy ride…

The world's richest man faces the galaxy's deadliest threat! Everyone's favourite billionaire makes his pulse-pounding debut in this rip-roaring sci-fi adventure, from the bestselling author of The Secret Diary of Boris Johnson Aged 13¼.When an ALIEN ARMADA menaces our planet, Earth's governments and armed forces find themselves powerless to resist. In desperation, humanity turns to one man: billionaire, futurist and Twitter addict ELON MUSK.Elon has long styled himself as the real-life Tony Stark, but can everyone's favourite genius step up and become a hero? Or is he just an egotistical man-child whose only actual talent is self-promotion? Whatever happens, us non-plutocrats are in for a wild ride!Board the electric space vehicle ICARUS 1 with Elon, alien princess Grimes and arch-rival Jeff Bezos, as the oldest man alive, President Joe Biden, tasks them with saving the planet.ELON MUSK! SAVIOUR OF SPACE! LORD OF THE FUTURE! MASTER OF MEMES!Humanity's fate is in his hands... if only he could stop Tweeting.

In this explosive first-person account of swapping the White House for the Big House, Donald Trump aims to Make Prison Great Again.MARCH 31It's been two weeks since they put me in The Hole. Very unfair! No-one is treated as unfairly as Trump. Many people say that solitary confinement is a kind of torture. I'm not so sure. I'm getting to spend a lot of time with my favourite person in the world. I say to him: "Mr President, remember when you met Bo Derek at the PGA Tour Championship? She had the hots for you, believe me." And he'll reply: "I agree, Mr President. Also, I was a better golfer than anyone in the tournament.And that's without cheating, which I would never do, believe me."So I'm doing amazing. Incredibly well. Some would say I'm the best Hole Guy ever. Not like those losers who go nuts...Of course the verdict was VERY UNFAIR - they were meant to be a jury of his peers, but none of them were billionaires. Still, the trial got AMAZING ratings. Now locked up in Smallhand State Prison, our presidential protagonist goes full Samuel Pepys and attempts the first BESTSELLER to be written entirely on toilet paper.Life inside is tough for Trump: he experiences withdrawal symptoms from social media and is no longer able to watch Fox News all day. But he soon realises that incarceration isn't a punishment, it's an OPPORTUNITY, and attempts to conquer the clink as he once conquered AMERICA. Can Donald rise to become prison kingpin, smuggling McDonald's Filet-O-Fish and tutoring fellow inmates in the Art of the Deal?Interspersed with reports from Smallhand's resident psychologist, Trump: The Prison Diaries is a satirical riot - The Apprentice meets The Shawshank Redemption. So brace yourself, because orange is the new orange.

In this explosive first-person account of swapping the White House for the Big House, Donald Trump aims to Make Prison Great Again.MARCH 31It's been two weeks since they put me in The Hole. Very unfair! No-one is treated as unfairly as Trump. Many people say that solitary confinement is a kind of torture. I'm not so sure. I'm getting to spend a lot of time with my favourite person in the world. I say to him: "Mr President, remember when you met Bo Derek at the PGA Tour Championship? She had the hots for you, believe me." And he'll reply: "I agree, Mr President. Also, I was a better golfer than anyone in the tournament.And that's without cheating, which I would never do, believe me."So I'm doing amazing. Incredibly well. Some would say I'm the best Hole Guy ever. Not like those losers who go nuts...Of course the verdict was VERY UNFAIR - they were meant to be a jury of his peers, but none of them were billionaires. Still, the trial got AMAZING ratings. Now locked up in Smallhand State Prison, our presidential protagonist goes full Samuel Pepys and attempts the first BESTSELLER to be written entirely on toilet paper.Life inside is tough for Trump: he experiences withdrawal symptoms from social media and is no longer able to watch Fox News all day. But he soon realises that incarceration isn't a punishment, it's an OPPORTUNITY, and attempts to conquer the clink as he once conquered AMERICA. Can Donald rise to become prison kingpin, smuggling McDonald's Filet-O-Fish and tutoring fellow inmates in the Art of the Deal?Interspersed with reports from Smallhand's resident psychologist, Trump: The Prison Diaries is a satirical riot - The Apprentice meets The Shawshank Redemption. So brace yourself, because orange is the new orange.

'Deliciously funny and highly impudent' - Jon CulshawFEATURES ILLUMINATING NEW MATERIAL about the original Partygate: a boozy shindig Boris threw while Eton was in the grip of a flu epidemic. Read on for deeper insight into Johnson's psychology, and the hubris and hedonism that would characterise his premiership. Unfortunately for Britain, the teenager isn't too different from the man... ___'My dearest, darling, dapper, dashing Diary,What ho! 'Tis I, the man of the moment (and, indeed, of every moment), Boris Johnson. Today was a balmy summer one, and so your devoted diarist opted to recline upon the bank of the Thames, reflecting on glories of the previous twelvemonth. Naturally, my second year at Eton has been an unbroken string of victories and vindications. I outwitted my rivals, wrote every essay at the last moment, and snuck a metric tonne of Curly Wurlies from the tuck shop. And I only expect to achieve more in the coming year. To paraphrase that fine Olympic slogan: Citius, Altius, Fortius, Borius!'

*The memoirs of Boris Johnson, complete and unabridged, including all the great material he had to take out for being either too incendiary or too obviously made up*Ghostwritten by Lucien Young, while Boris was sunbathing on a donor's private island.Offering a comprehensive account of his meteoric rise (and even more meteoric fall) we follow Boris from Eton and the Bullingdon club, via stints in journalism and as London mayor, before finally making it into Number 10 via slick and sophisticated campaign tactics such as lying and hiding in a fridge. It will outline in bonce-combusting detail the up and downs - but mostly ups! - of his tenure in Downing Street, from Getting Brexit Done and battling the Wizards of Woke, to nearly dying because he shook too many hands. This is BoJo as you've never seen him before.

Lying on a riverbank on a lazy summer’s afternoon – 23rd June 2016, to be precise – Alice spots a flustered-looking white rabbit called Dave calling for a referendum. Following him down a rabbit-hole, she emerges into a strange new land, where up is down, black is white, experts are fools and fools are experts...She meets such characters as the Corbynpillar, who sits on a toadstool smoking his hookah and being no help to anyone; Humpty Trumpty, perched on a wall he wants the Mexicans to pay for; the Cheshire Twat, who likes to disappear leaving only his grin, a pint, and the smell of scotch eggs remaining; and the terrifying Queen of Heartlessness, who’ll take off your head if you dare question her plan for Brexit. Will Alice ever be able to find anyone who speaks sense?

‘I have the best ghosts, everyone says so’President Ebenezer Trump is a rich old fool, whose heart is as small as his hands and whose words are as false as his hair. On Christmas Eve, he is visited by three spirits, all intent on changing his evil ways: Bill Clinton, the jovial Ghost of Christmas Past; Barack Obama, the big-eared Ghost of Christmas Present; and the terrifying Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come, who shows him how abolishing Obamacare will finish off Tiny Tim…'This Scrooge is gonna be yooooge...'