People Skills

Robert Bolton, Ph.D., is president of Ridge Consultants in Cazenovia, New York, a firm that specializes in improving human performance in industry, health care, education, and government. His staff has taught communication skills to thousands of managers, salespersons, first-line supervisors, secretaries, customer-relations personnel, teachers, members of the clergy, health-care workers, couples, and others. He is the author of People Skills, People Styles at Work, and Listen Up or Lose Out.

• ContentsPrefacePART ONEIntroductionCHAPTER ONESkills for Bridging the Interpersonal GapCommunication: Humanity's Supreme AchievementThe Ineffectiveness of Most CommunicationThe Ache of LonelinessSo Much Lost LoveA Key to Success at WorkA Life-or-Death MatterYou Can ChangeYou Will Change!Managing Your Resistance to LearningFive Sets of SkillsSummaryCHAPTER TWOBarriers to CommunicationCommon Communication SpoilersWhy Roadblocks Are High-Risk ResponsesJudging: the Major RoadblockRoadblockSending Solutions Can Be a Problem!Avoiding the Other's ConcernsRoadblock Number ThirteenSummaryPART TWOListening SkillsCHAPTER THREEListening Is More Than Merely HearingThe Importance of ListeningListening DefinedListening Skill ClustersAttending SkillsFollowing SkillsSummaryCHAPTER FOURFour Skills of Reflective ListeningReflective Responses Provide a Mirror to the SpeakerParaphrasingReflecting FeelingsReflecting MeaningsSummaryCHAPTER FIVEWhy Reflective Responses WorkStyle and Structure in ListeningSix Peculiarities of Human CommunicationSkepticism Is Best Dissolved by ActionSummaryCHAPTER SIXReading Body languageThe Importance of Body LanguageNonverbals: The Language of FeelingsThe "Leakage" of Masked FeelingsGuidelines for Reading Body LanguageReflect the Feelings Back to the SenderA Clear But Confusing LanguageSummaryCHAPTER SEVENImproving Your Reflecting SkillsGuidelines for Improved ListeningBeyond Reflective ListeningWhen to Listen ReflectivelyWhen Not to Listen ReflectivelyThe Good News and the Bad NewsSummaryPART THREEAssertion SkillsCHAPTER EIGHTThree Approaches to RelationshipsListening and Assertion: The Yin and Yang of CommunicationMethods for Developing AssertivenessThe Need to Protect One's Personal SpaceImpactingThe Submission-Assertion-Aggression ContinuumPayoffs and Penalties of Three Ways of RelatingChoose for YourselfSummaryCHAPTER NINEDeveloping Three-Part Assertion MessagesVerbal Assertion: The Third OptionThree-Part Assertion MessagesEffective and Ineffective Ways of ConfrontationWriting Three-Part Assertion MessagesA Voyage of Self-Discovery and GrowthSummaryCHAPTER TENHandling the Push-Push Back PhenomenonSurprise AttackThe Human Tendency to Be DefensiveThe Upward Spiral of Increasing DefensivenessA Six-Step Assertion ProcessSummaryCHAPTER ELEVENIncreasing Your Assertive OptionsMany Varieties of Assertive Behavior"Natural" AssertionsSelf-DisclosureDescriptive RecognitionRelationship AssertionsSelective InattentionWithdrawalThe Spectrum ResponseOptionsNatural and Logical ConsequencesStop the Action; Accept the FeelingsSay "No!,"Modify the EnvironmentThe Danger of Going OverboardThe Aura of AssertivenessSummaryPART FOURConflict Management SkillsCHAPTER TWELVEConflict Prevention and ControlConflict Is UnavoidableConflict Is Disruptive and/or DestructiveThe Benefits of ConflictRealistic and Nonrealistic ConflictPersonal Conflict Prevention and Control MethodsGroup/Organizational Prevention and Control MethodsThe Dangers of Conflict Prevention and ControlSummaryCHAPTER THIRTEENHandling the Emotional Components of ConflictFocus on the Emotions FirstThe Conflict Resolution MethodThe Conflict Resolution Method in ActionFour Ways to Use the Conflict Resolution MethodPreparation for the EncounterEvaluating the ConflictExpected Outcomes of the Conflict Resolution MethodSummaryCHAPTER FOURTEENCollaborative Problem Solving: Seeking an Elegant SolutionThree Kinds of ConflictAlternatives to Collaborative Problem SolvingSeeking an Elegant Solution Through Collaborative Problem SolvingSix Steps of the Collaborative Problem-Solving MethodWhat This Problem-Solving Method CommunicatesCollaborative Problem-Solving in ActionHandling the Crucial PreliminariesWhat Do I Do When Collaborative Problem Solving Doesn't Work?Applications of Collaborative Problem SolvingSummaryCHAPTER FIFTEENThree Essentials for Effective CommunicationIn Communication, Skills Alone Are InsufficientGenuinenessNon-possessive LoveEmpathyImplementation of the Core AttitudesAFTERWORDFour Steps to Improved CommunicationA Quantified Commitment to Use the SkillsSelect Appropriate SituationsUndaunted by Occasional FailurePrepare Others for the ChangeSkill TrainingNotesIndex