Solution-focused Parent

Ben Furman, is a renowned Finnish psychiatrist, author, and teacher of solution-focused therapy and coaching. He founded the Helsinki Brief Therapy Institute in 1986 together with his long-time colleague, Tapani Ahola, where he and his team have provided training in solution-focused psychology for professionals ever since.

‘Ben Furman has done it again – created a step-by-step guide through the tougher regions of effective parenting. The concept is elegantly simple: for every challenge that faces a child or young person, whether it be difficulty sleeping, temper tantrums or dealing with life’s difficulties, there will be a skill that the child can learn and with this skill overcome the challenge. The idea is as practical as it is elegant but to follow it through is not so easy. What Dr Furman does in this book is teach parents the skill they need to identify the skills their children need in order to live more happy and fulfilling lives. These skills are not obvious and need considerable negotiation between the child and concerned adults: the child who curses learns the “teddy bear” skill while another, prone to meltdowns, develops the “helping hand” skill. The key is not to stop the unwanted behaviour but to replace it with something new. This may take time, there is no claim to have a ‘magic bullet’, but it focuses attention away from the problem (“Don’t do that!”) to a more positive future (“Remember your new skill!”) This focus on what is desired rather than on unwanted behaviours is less stressful and more hopeful for children and parents alike and anything that makes life easier is to be welcomed! What also makes life easier is the contents page of the book where Dr Furman’s 50+ detailed examples make finding the page that fits your child very easy: Nightmares 88, Screen time 97, Shyness, 101 and so on; almost everything covered and as no child will have more than a few of these challenges it is a good book to share with friends whose children also need new skills.’Chris Iveson, co-founder of BRIEF London, one of the world's leading centres for Solution Focused training‘A child rearing guide - what a scary term. Fortunately, for Ben Furman this new book isn’t a child rearing guide, but rather a book that provides ideas for skills-based parenting from an experienced teacher and author. The book is good, as one might expect. It concretely covers, among other things, picky eating, low self-esteem, attention difficulties, tantrums, bullying, anxiety, selective mutism, violence, and divorce. The book also discusses skill-based education in schools and how to improve collaboration with students and parents. There is hardly anyone who would not benefit from this book, even if they are not a parent, grandparent, or teacher. And in case you should find Furman's gentle and explanatory style somewhat fluffy or unduly optimistic, don’t be alarmed. There is enough anxiety and pessimism around to warrant the ideas of Dr Ben Furman.’Heli Mustonen, freelance journalist, Finland

• 1. The rhyme stone tale 2. What is the skills approach? 3. How to convert challenges into skills to learn 4. How to motivate children to learn skills 5. How to use the skills approach in day-to-day parenting 6. Examples: The skills approach in action 7. Children’s challenges from A to Z 8. Things to keep in mind 9. Skills approach in schools