In Quest of the Mythical Mate

Ellyn Bader, PhD, is in private practice and is the director of The Couples Institute in Menlo Park, California. Ellyn and her husband, Dr. Peter Pearson, are co-creators of the Developmental Model of Couples Therapy. Over the past 37 years, she has conducted professional training programs in couples therapy and has trained therapists throughout the United States as well as Europe, Asia, South America, and Australia.Peter Pearson, Ph.D., is co-creator of the Developmental Model. Now, he specializes in training coaches and therapists to evolve the most challenging couples.

“In Quest of the Mythical Mate has profoundly shaped the professional practice of countless therapists, including my own. In my role as a training assistant to Drs. Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson, I routinely witness how this framework offers clinicians both a clear conceptual map and a robust set of tools for navigating the complexities of couples therapy.The developmental model of relationships presented in the book is exceptionally insightful. By paralleling the stages of child development, it clarifies the mechanisms through which couples become entrenched in recurrent, painful patterns. Beyond its theoretical strength, the text delivers an extensive range of interventions and skill-building techniques that empower therapists to lead with confidence and competence.This book remains my essential reference, consistently guiding and elevating my work with couples.”Sue Diamond, M.A., Founder/Director of The Good Life Therapy Centre“In Quest of the Mythical Mate stands as one of the most insightful and enduring works on love and partnership. Long before attachment theory and neuroscience became part of the conversation, Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson illuminated how real intimacy grows through differentiation and mutual development. Their message—that relationships thrive when both partners evolve—remains as relevant today as ever.Ellyn and Peter have been dear friends and colleagues for many years, and I continue to admire their brilliance, generosity, and unwavering commitment to helping couples grow together. This book is both a classic and a living guide for anyone who takes love seriously.”Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, Developer of the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT), Author of Wired for Love and In Each Other’s Care“In Quest of the Mythical Mate” should be required reading for anyone working with relationships; it is certainly one of the classics. You'll discover a unique set of tools for the distinct challenges that relational work brings, including supporting agreement-making and keeping, resolving impasses, dealing with conflict avoidance or hostility, and making effective therapeutic confrontations. Whatever you're facing in session, this book will change your perspective and refresh your work.”Martha Kauppi, LMFT, CST-S, and author of Polyamory: A Clinical Toolkit for Therapists (and Their Clients)

• 1. A Developmental Model of Relating 2. Diagnosing the Couple's Stages 3. Treating Couples in a Developmental Model 4. The Symbiotic-Symbiotic Couple: Enmeshed Type 5. The Symbiotic-Symbiotic Couple: Hostile-Dependent Type 6. The Symbiotic-Differentiating Couple 7. The Differentiating-Differentiating Couple 8. The Symbiotic-Practicing Couple 9. The Practicing-Practicing Couple 10. Rapprochement … and Beyond 11. Commonly Asked Questions