A darkly comic, sweary Scottish vampire novel. I was just minding my own business when a guy jumped me and the next thing I know I've got a rage-on for the old red stuff. Aye, I'd become a vampire. But that's not this story. This story is about the ridiculous task I've been forced to do to keep my living family safe. This is the story about being a target for Chosen One who can't be bothered to do the job. This is the story of Nosferatu - or Norrie as I call him - demanding bubble baths in my flat. Brace yourself...

A darkly comic, sweary Scottish vampire novel. I was just minding my own business when a guy jumped me and the next thing I know I've got a rage-on for the old red stuff. Aye, I'd become a vampire. But that's not this story. This story is about the ridiculous task I've been forced to do to keep my living family safe. This is the story about being a target for Chosen One who can't be bothered to do the job. This is the story of Nosferatu - or Norrie as I call him - demanding bubble baths in my flat. Brace yourself...

A darkly comic, sweary Scottish vampire novel. I was just minding my own business when a guy jumped me and the next thing I know I've got a rage-on for the old red stuff. Aye, I'd become a vampire. But that's not this story. This story is about the ridiculous task I've been forced to do to keep my living family safe. This is the story about being a target for Chosen One who can't be bothered to do the job. This is the story of Nosferatu - or Norrie as I call him - demanding bubble baths in my flat. Brace yourself...