Thomas Corfield – författare

When the worst writer in history self-publishes his books, the world of literature is decimated overnight. Illiteracy becomes something to aspire to and book burnings become rife. The publishing industry is left hemorrhaging credibility and teeters on the brink of collapse. Its recovery is not a matter of removing said books, or even destroying them: the same must be done to the mind responsible. Thomas Corfield is the worst writer who’s ever lived, but because of the rubbish he’s written, he won’t be living much longer. This Sortabiography is the story of one writer against the entire publishing industry. There’s lots of swearing and temper tantrums, as well as a brand new psychiatric illness. There’s also an excellent café scene, which, although short, is worth mentioning.

In which the governments of the world are threatened by a fanatical cat with a disconcerting enthusiasm for cushions.

In which bedlam threatens to envelope the world, unless Oscar can do something about it—which he''s willing to consider, providing it involves an enormous breakfast first.

When the palace of Arabesque’s aide d’camp, a cat named the Tremblees, stumbles upon a translation of an ancient language that reveals the existence of a fabled stone, he vows to find it for reasons of greed and vengeance.

With a dead dog stuck to a car bonnet, some burst luggage, a blind bus driver and an enormous number of olives, it becomes a race for Oscar, his colleague Meesha and the Tieress of Arabesque to prevent the Tremblees plunging Arabesque back into the Era of Bedlam, a horror that plagued the land a thousand years ago.

“Corfield blurs the boundary between rubbish and garbage, and does justice to neither.” - Aiden White, Barrington Points Lighthouse Keeper.

“The plot is only held together by the book’s tangled and convoluted sentences.” - Tiffany Parlek, Mortal Goddess.

“A two-in-the-morning page turner, but only because each one’s so hard to get through.” – Pannel Norbit, Curator of Exotic Fungal Infections.

In which an insane and bitter cat schemes to save her beloved city by destroying it.

When assigned to determine the cause of brewing tensions in the exclusive seaside city of Ruen, Oscar Teabag-Dooven discovers it’s on the brink of tearing itself apart. Things become complicated when it appears those responsible are in charge of running the place.

Drawn into a scandalous plot of insanity and greed, Oscar befriends the Dervy, a young revolutionary, by throwing her off a cliff, and Horace, an elderly doctor with a phobia of worming ointments.

Together they battle the ruthless genius of Sedervitz Tappen-Noo and the grievous insanity of the Pyjami, in an attempt to save a beautiful city from certain destruction.

But things don’t go according to plan. Principally because they don’t have one.

Consider a world inhabited with only cats and dogs: a society recognizable as our own, but with its eccentricities being the norm, rather than the exception. A world where the charm of Kenneth Grahame’s Wind In the Willows meets the exotic world of Ian Fleming’s Bond. A world where fluffy just got dangerous. These are the Velvet Paw of Asquith Novels, also known as the Dooven Books: welcome to the genre of New Fable.

When Oscar stumbles across an arrogant bard named the Dodosette and the beautiful cat Vaasi-Vee, he unearths a plot to plunge the world into darkness. After some begging, a lot of snow and an industrial-sized vat of soup, the three animals argue all the way to the infamous land of Vra to do something about it.

They did not, however, anticipate having to fight invisible Rottweilers, smash kitchens to pieces, lick frozen cars or fund taxi drivers’ sisters'' eye operations. Although, for Oscar Teabag-Dooven, such things are not unusual.