Duh-Votions

Sue Buchanan is the coauthor of the best-selling I Love You This Much. She is also the author of I’m Alive and the Doctor’s Dead, Girls Just Gotta Have Fun, Duh-Votions, and Mud Pie Annie, and coauthor of Friends Through Thick and Thin. Sue lives in Nashville, TN.

• ContentsIntroductionPerfect Dress, Perfect Earrings, Perfect MeYou in the Third Row . . . Stick ’em Up!You’ll Find the Fruit of the Spirit in Plastic Bags Hanging from the Luggage CartIf a Cow Laughed, Would Milk Come Out Her Nose?Fishin’ Poles and Night CrawlersA Clear Conscience Is Usually the Sign of a Bad MemoryI Never Would Have Lied, Lord, If It Hadn’t Been Country Music WeekOne Person’s Art Is Another Person’s JunkYou Give Me Big Tip, I Give You Fancy NailDo Angels Really Wear Underwear?And Don’t Go into Mr. McGregor’s GardenThe Summer of My DiscontentmentA New Take on an Old StoryIf You’re Euphoric, Things Can’t Be All That BadCan a Hog Be Vaccinated for Chicken Pox?The Three Bears Go to CamelotOf Mice and (just the) Men-tion of TrapsShe Thought the Great Depression Was Her Marriage!When I Get One More Hole Punched in My Card, I’ll Get a Freebie at House of TattoosPardon Me, Sir, but There’s Icing on the Seat of Your PantsAn Electric Blanket for a Street Person?When I Think About Heaven, I Think About All the Fancy Stuff!You Don’t Have to Be a Theologian to “Get It”Pecan Pie with Horseradish? It’s a Southern ThingTwo Shall Be As One; Then Again, Maybe Not!We Thought They Were Asleep Till They Said AmenWayne! I’m Calling from Roswell. Will You Accept the Charges?Men Are from Mars; Women Are from --- Where Is That Again?It’s a Bird, It’s a Plane, It’s a Funeral Home!I Don’t Care for Your Clothes --- but My Cat Would Love Them!You’re Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile. . . and Earrings!What’s That About the Pope’s Ring?Is It Just the Way I Am, or Is It Dunlap’s Disease?My Husband Wouldn’t Be Caught Dead with a Green Pepper!Pardon My Driving, I’m Reloading My Gun. No, Not Reloading My Gun --- Praying! That’s It, I’m Praying!Who Said Rattlesnakes Don’t Have Discernment?You Can’t Put Mand Ms in Alphabetical Order, Can You?This Happened Long Before Bath and Body ShopsReplacement Parts and Other Techno-Wonders of the Modern AgeMy Computer Has Memory, and Sometimes I Think It’s Holding a GrudgeThanks for Calling, but I’m No Longer Doing Mother-Daughter BanquetsIt’s a New Species: Part Man, Part Barcolounger!Where I Come From, a Little Debbie Snack Cake Is a VegetableYou Have the Right to Remain Silent; Anything You Say Will Be Misquoted and Held Against YouYou Paid for Your Plane Ticket; Make Sure You Get Your Money’s Worth!Is There a Greeting Card for a Bad Hair Day?That Two-Piece Red Outfit You’re Wearing Is Lovely, but It Needs a Good IroningWith Friends Like That, Who Needs Enemies?A Sharp Tongue Kindles a Good Newspaper ColumnAfter You’ve Gone Through 6,000 Brillo Pads, You Automatically Qualify for a Pair of Stuart Weitzman ShoeI’ve Already Told You More Than I KnowHe Gave Some to Be Spam Eaters and Others to Be Baloney EatersMy Rod and My Reel, They Comfort MeI Could Lose Myself in Thought, but Then Again, It’s Such Unfamiliar TerritoryAs Noah Said to His Wife, “Woodpeckers Could Actually Be a Bigger Threat Than the Storm Itself!”Wanted: Official Church Quipster; No Experience NeededPress Two to Try Out for the Easter PageantPetite Paw Prints in the Perfect Pumpkin PieTo Play Eve in the Church Musical, It Will Be Necessary to Have Long HairAnd After This Will Come My Six-Volume Bible Commentary