Just Listen

Mark Goulston, MD, FAPA is a board-certified psychiatrist, fellow of the American Psychiatric Association, former assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at UCLA NPI, and a former FBI and police hostage negotiation trainer. He is the creator of Theory Y Executive Coaching—which he provides to CEOs, presidents, founders, and entrepreneurs—and is a TEDx and international keynote speaker. He is the creator and developer of Surgical Empathy, a process to help people recover and heal from PTSD, prevent suicide in teenagers and young adults, and help organizations overcome implicit bias. Dr. Goulston is the author or principal author of seven prior books, including Why Cope When you Can Heal: How Healthcare Heroes of COVID-19 Can Recover from PTSD, PTSD for Dummies, Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior, Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone, Real Influence: Persuade Without Pushing and Gain Without Giving In, and Talking to Crazy: How to Deal with the Irrational and Impossible People in Your Life. He hosts the My Wakeup Call podcast, where he speaks with influencers about their purpose in life and the wakeup calls that led them there. He also is the co-creator and moderator of the multi-honored documentary Stay Alive: An Intimate Conversation About Suicide Prevention.He appears frequently as a human psychology and behavior subject-area expert across all media, including news outlets ABC, NBC, CBS, and BBC News, as well as CNN, Today, Oprah, the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Forbes, Fortune, Harvard Business Review, Business Insider, Fast Company, Huffington Post, and Westwood One.

• CONTENTS Foreword by Keith Ferrazzi xiii Preface to the Paperback Edition xv Acknowledgments xvii SECTION I The Secret to Reaching Anyone 1 1 Who’s Holding YOU Hostage? 3 2 A Little Science: How the Brain Goes from “No” to “Yes” 14 SECTION II The 9 Core Rules for Getting Through to Anyone 25 3 Move Yourself from “Oh F#@& to OK” 27 4 Rewire Yourself to Listen 36 5 Make the Other Person Feel “Felt” 45 6 Be More Interested Than Interesting 55 7 Make People Feel Valuable 64 8 Help People to Exhale Emotionally and Mentally 69 9 Check Your Dissonance at the Door 77 10 When All Seems Lost—Bare Your Neck 87 11 Steer Clear of Toxic People 94 SECTION III 12 Easy-to-Use Tools for Achieving Buy-in and Getting Through 109 12 The Impossibility Question 111 13 The Magic Paradox 116 14 The Empathy Jolt 123 15 The Reverse Play, Empathy Jolt #2 132 16 “Do You Believe That?” 138 17 The Power of “Hmmm. . . .” 142 18 The Stipulation Gambit 150 19 From Transaction to Transformation 155 20 Side by Side 163 21 Fill in the Blanks 170 22 Take It All the Way to “No” 176 23 The Power Thank You and Power Apology 180 SECTION IV Fast Fixes for 7 Challenging Situations 187 24 The Team from Hell 189 25 Climbing the Ladder 194 26 The Narcissist at the Table 197 27 Stranger in Town 200 28 The Human Explosion 204 29 Getting Through to Yourself 209 30 Six Degrees of Separation 215 Afterword 221 Index 223 About the Author 231 Keynotes/Workshops 233