Debra Hamel is an independent scholar and the author of Trying Neaira: The True Story of a Courtesan's Scandalous Life in Ancient Greece.

• AcknowledgmentsTimelineMapsAttica and BoeotiaGreeceAsia Minor and the AegeanAsia and the MediterraneanIntroduction1. How to Destroy a Mighty Empire: The Story of Croesus of LydiaGyges and CandaulesThe Historicity of The HistoryThe Wisdom of SolonThe Misfortunes of AdrastusConsulting the OraclesAthens and SpartaThe Capture of SardisThe Wisdom of CroesusTorture and Prostitution2. Cannibals and Conquests: The Story of Cyrus the GreatThe Birth and Exposure of CyrusThe Recognition of CyrusHarpagus' RevengeVomit and PederastyThe Persian Conquest of the Asiatic Greeks and the Revolt of LydiaCrossing the Gyndes RiverSex and the City of BabylonCyrus' Campaign against the MassagetaeIs He Soup Yet?3. Horny Goats and Medicinal Urine: The Egyptian LogosHerodotus' MethodologyEgyptians Do It BackwardPigs, Goats, and SatanismBring in Your DeadPsammetichus and the Antiquity of EgyptThe Vengeance of NitocrisUrinating for the BlindHelen in EgyptRhampsinitus and the Wily ThiefAmasis, the Flatulent Revolutionary4. Madness and Mummies: The Reign of CambysesEye Doctors and Other Casus BelliThick-Skulled EgyptiansThe End of PsammenitusMummy WhackingThe Ethiopian LogosCambyses and the Apis BullThe Smerdis Affair, Part I: Prexaspes' Secret MissionLettuce, Puppies, and SororicideTrial by Fire: Cambyses and Prexaspes' SonCroesus: The Final ActCambyses' Madness and Cultural RelativismThe Smerdis Affair, Part II: I'm Not Dead YetCambyses: The Final Act5. Meanwhile, Elsewhere in the Mediterranean: The Stories of Polycrates and PerianderPolycrates and the RingThe Siege of SamosThe Crucifixion of PolycratesPeriander's Dynastic TroublesArion and the Dolphin6. Earless Imposters and Randy Mounts: The Early Reign of Darius the GreatThe Smerdis Affair, Part III: The False Smerdis RevealedThe Conspiracy of the Seven and the Fate of PrexaspesWas the False Smerdis Really False?The Constitutional DebateThe Neights Have ItCannibals, Flying Snakes, and Gold-Digging Ants: The State of the EmpireIntaphernes and His WifeDemocedes of CrotonFashion and the Fall of SamosThe Babylonian Revolt7. The Trouble with Nomads: Darius' Scythian CampaignGolden Flasks and Serpentine Seductresses: The Origins of ScythiaGilded Skulls and Merry-Go-Rounds: Scary Scythian CustomsCrossing the BosporusChasing the ScythiansThe Persian Withdrawal from Scythia8. Stuttering Kings and Lousy Deaths: The Libyan LogosThe Colonization of LibyaArcesilaus III and PheretimeSevered Breasts and Wormy DeathsThe Persian Expedition to Libya9. Tattooed Slaves and Ousted Tyrants: The Ionian Revolt and Post-Pisistratid AthensMegabazus and Macedon and MurderAristagoras and the Failed Expedition to NaxosThe Ionian Revolt, Part I: Histiaeus and AristagorasAristagoras Visits SpartaThe Expulsion of the Pisistratids from AthensCleisthenes and IsagorasThe Further Intrigues of HippiasThe Ionian Revolt, Part II: Athens and the Burning of SardisThe Ionian Revolt, Part III: The Battle of Lade and the Fall of MiletusThe Further Adventures and Complicity of Histiaeus10. Miltiades, Madness, and Marathon: The First Persian WarMiltiades in the ChersoneseThe Expedition of MardoniusThe Persian Heralds of 491The Deposition of DemaratusThe Madness of CleomenesThe Persian Advance: Naxos and EretriaMarathon, Part I: Premonitions and Other PreliminariesMarathon, Part II: The Long WaitMarathon, Part III: The BattleThe Shield Signal and the AlcmaeonidaeMiltiades' Expedition to Paros11. Feats of Engineering and Doomed Valor: The Second Persian War to the Battle of ThermopylaeThe Succession of XerxesThe Suppression of Egypt and the Persian Council of WarThe Dreams of XerxesThe Canal at Athos and the Bridging of the HellespontEclipses and Corpses: Leaving SardisThe Wisdom of ArtabanusFrom the Hellespont to the Borders of GreeceThe Formation and First Congress of the Hellenic LeagueThe Expedition to TempeThe Oracle of the Wooden WallThermopylae and Artemisium: The Greeks' Strategy and First BloodThe First StormThermopylae, Part I: PreliminariesThermopylae, Part II: The BattleThermopylae, Part III: Epilogue12. Trial by Trireme: The Battles at Artemisium and SalamisPanic at ArtemisiumThe Second Storm and the Fighting at ArtemisiumThe Greeks Gather at SalamisThe Persian Conference at PhalerumThemistocles' Ruse"Woe, in Triple Banks of Oars": The Battle of SalamisThe Withdrawal of the Persian FleetThe Kids, the Queen, and the CastratedSecrets, Sieges, and Scandal: Themistocles and the Athenian Fleet after SalamisXerxes' Retreat13. Conclusing Scenes: The Battles of Plataea and Mycale and the Siege of SestusThe Stones of SalamisThe Road to PlataeaPlataea, Part I: Baggage Trains and Mysterious StrangersPlataea, Part II: The BattleThe Battle of MycaleRoyal Love AffairsThe Siege of Sestus and the Conclusion of Herodotus' HistoryAppendix: Xerxes' Heralds and the Medizing of the Greek StatesNotesTranslationsBibliography