Mark Leigh – författare

What''s wrong with Europe?Ignoring the fact that the EU is a grotesque, officious money sucking totalitarian machine that devours national sovereignty and pukes out unwanted, unwelcome and intrusive legislation, there''s a whole variety of other reasons including:Shops that open at 10am and close at 4pm - with a two-hour lunch break in between.Oompah bands.Restaurant staff with the manners of a gibbon and the sense of urgency of a sloth.Parisians.Police forces who are the bastard offspring of the Gestapo and the Stasi.The whole concept of ''mañana.''National costumes that are as preposterous as they are pointless. Polish spelling.Drivers who view speed limits as targets rather than warnings.Yodelling.Bouzouki music. Street signs that are a homage to small typography rather than an actual guide to your location.Donkey abuse.Women who act under the misguided idea that armpit hair is remotely sexy.The 24hr clock.Using a comma as a decimal point.Father Abraham and the Smurfs.Eurodisco.Eurozone.Eurotrash.Eurovision.Anything else preceded by the word ''Euro'' (apart from Euro sceptic).The Cheeky Girls. This is less of a guidebook and more of a warning...

What''s ILL in one place can be WACK in another, or the same word can actually have TOTES different meanings. It''s CRAY CRAY! From KEWL girls hitting on HENCH boys to wannabe gangstas hangin'' with their DOGGS in the ENDZ, teen slang can leave NOOBS CONFUZZLED. If you want to appear DOPE or just want to know WTF is going on, How to Talk Teen is the ultimate guide!Bugly : Short for butt ugly; exceeded on the ugly ranking by dugly and fugly. Pfun: More than mere fun. This is pure fun. Rando: A random person who appears at parties but who no one seems to know, let alone invited.Hiberdating: Disappearing from view because you''re spending almost all your time with your new boyfriend/girlfriend.Nodel: Someone who thinks they look like a model . . . but nobody else does.Rentsy: Acting like parents, i.e. acting responsibly or demonstrating a nauseating taste in music. Mis-wave: To wave back at someone you think is waving at you, but who was actually waving to someone else.Ugly radius: The distance from you that someone stops looking attractive.Hot mess: Someone attractive who looks cool and in control, but who''s an emotional train wreck. Lipsin: Kissing energetically - but less aggressively than a full-on snog.Selfie claw: Your contorted hand as you simultaneously hold your phone and take the photo.Air Five: High-five greeting to someone from across a room.Endz: The street where you live or the immediate neighbourhood. Pit stick: Underarm antiperspirant/deodorant.Top bantz: Particularly insightful or mocking banter. Hashtag Douchebag: A moron who uses hashtags excessively in anything they type in an attempt to be witty