Michael Pollick – författare

Sometimes it's best to let HAL 9000 drive the bus once in a while. That's the case with "e;The Zero Sugar Keepinnit Reels"e;. A bot with a heart of gold and the snarkiest sense of artificial humor took over humorist Michael Pollick's "e;The Keepinnit Reels"e; project. The results are a side-splitting collection of essays about everything from grade Z horror movies to shows "e;Jumping the Shark"e; to nudist weddings. Nothing is off-limits to this persuasive little cuss. If the original author ever manages to get back on the bus. he'd probably give this alternative project an enthusiastic thumbs up.  Culinary Gadgets Unleashed Ah, the 1970s and 1980s, a golden age of culinary innovation—or perhaps just a time when people were really, really tired of cooking. Enter the era of bizarre cooking gadgets that promised to revolutionize our kitchens while simultaneously making us question our life choices. Remember the hot dog cooker? Yes, that glorious contraption that looked like a miniature rocket ship designed to launch your dinner into the stratosphere. Who needs a grill when you can steam your frankfurters in a plastic tube that could double as a science experiment? Nothing says "e;I care about nutrition"e; quite like a device that cooks your hot dogs in a way that makes them taste like they've been marinating in regret. And let's not forget the hot air popcorn maker, the appliance that turned a simple snack into a thrilling adventure. You'd pour in those innocent kernels, and moments later, the machine would erupt like a volcano, sending popcorn flying across the room as if it were auditioning for a role in a slapstick comedy. It was like a carnival ride in your kitchen, except instead of cotton candy, you ended up with a floor covered in half-popped kernels and a dog that was suddenly very interested in your snack choices. Then there were the fondue pots, which turned every dinner into a potential fire hazard. Who thought dipping bread into bubbling cheese was a good idea? It was like a group therapy session where everyone was trying to figure out how to get their cheese-covered fingers unstuck from the pot. And let's be honest, the only thing more questionable than the gadgets themselves was the fact that we actually bought them. But hey, at least they made for great conversation starters at dinner parties—right before the fire department showed up.

When friends ask author Michael Pollick what he does for a living, his stock answer is "e;Have you heard of the Internet. I wrote that."e; He's only half-joking, and the proof is in this eclectic reference book, Professor Mike's Low-Flow Fountain of Information. Compiled from previously published articles for various encyclopedic websites, subjects include everything from how to replace a toilet to the difference between distilled, purified, and spring water. You never know what you'll be reading next-- it could be relationship advice, cooking tips, or just about anything else.

For a few glorious years, author Michael Pollick's day job involved writing a little thing called the Internet, one informative article at a time. These reader-friendly encyclopedic articles still remain scattered across the vast online landscape, and have even made it to a few research papers along the way. "e;A Wise Geek's Guide To Everything"e; is the first in a series of compilations Pollick plans to release over the foreseeable future. If it's not in one of those books, you probably don't need to know it anyway. What Is A Stentorian Voice? A stentorian voice is one that commands attention, characterized by its loud, powerful, and resonant quality. The term itself derives from the name of Stentor, a herald in Greek mythology, who was said to have a voice as loud as that of fifty men combined. This concept of a stentorian voice transcends mere volume; it embodies a certain gravitas and authority that can captivate an audience. Such a voice is often associated with public speakers, leaders, and performers who possess the ability to project their voice in a way that not only fills a room but also resonates with listeners on an emotional level. To understand what constitutes a stentorian voice, one must consider several key attributes. First, there is the aspect of projection. A stentorian voice is not just loud; it is clear and distinct, cutting through background noise with ease. This clarity allows the speaker to convey their message effectively, ensuring that every word is heard and understood. Moreover, a stentorian voice often carries a rich tonal quality, which adds depth and warmth, making the delivery more engaging. Another important characteristic is the ability to modulate. A true stentorian voice can shift in volume and intensity, creating a dynamic listening experience. This modulation helps to emphasize key points and maintain the audience's interest, preventing the delivery from becoming monotonous. Additionally, a stentorian voice often conveys confidence and authority, traits that can inspire trust and respect from listeners. In various contexts, whether in a classroom, a theater, or a political rally, the power of a stentorian voice can be transformative. It can rally crowds, educate minds, and even soothe fears. Ultimately, a stentorian voice is not merely about being loud; it is about the ability to communicate effectively and leave a lasting impact.

In "e;The Keepinnit Reels Part 3: Revenge Or Return Of The Snark,"e; Michael Pollick takes us on a riotous journey through the kaleidoscope of his childhood, where every awkward moment and embarrassing misstep is transformed into comedic gold. Each essay is like a time capsule, bursting with the absurdities of youth—think playground politics, questionable fashion choices, and those cringeworthy family vacations that seem to last an eternity. Pollick's sharp wit and self-deprecating humor make you feel like you're sitting around a campfire, sharing stories that are both relatable and hilariously exaggerated. He navigates the chaos of growing up with a keen eye for the ridiculous, reminding us that even the most mundane experiences can be laced with humor. With a blend of nostalgia and snark, Pollick invites us to laugh at the trials of adolescence, proving that sometimes, the best way to cope with the past is to poke fun at it. A Sea Of Chocolate Milks: Lunchroom Monitor Confidential Serving the public good on the grade school Student Council was a perk limited to two fortunate students per classroom. The chosen few manned the bookstore in the mornings, helped in the central office, or, in my case, became lunchroom monitors. As a sixth grader, this meant being the only Gulliver in a gymnasium filled with first-grade Lilliputs. I accepted the challenge. Most of the time, the job involved crowd control, with the occasional Shell Answer Man moments thrown in. We politely but firmly pointed out where the lunch-packing sheep could graze, and made sure they returned their trays to the proper hair-netted authorities. However, there was one situation that took up almost all of our time, and it only cost a nickel. Milk cartons. Opening a chocolate milk carton at age six required motor skills usually reserved for age seven or above. The milks would hit the tables and immediately a sea of hands shot up. Monitors dutifully went from child to child, bending and unfolding every carton. Once in a while, we had a rogue "e;me do it myself"e;, but it only took one launch failure to bring him back to the fold. These kids today.

Imagine a world where The Beatles were known as The Quarrymen forever, or where Nirvana went by the name of Pen Cap Chew. Michael Pollick's "e;The Name Game"e; takes us on a whimsical journey through the forgotten names of legendary rock groups, revealing the hilarity behind the branding decisions that shaped music history. Each essay is a delightful exploration of what could have been, blending humor with insightful anecdotes that celebrate the creative process. Pollick invites us to laugh at the absurdity of these early monikers, showcasing how a simple name can transform a band's identity and legacy. From the ridiculous to the sublime, he uncovers the stories that never made it into the spotlight, reminding us that even the greatest musicians had their awkward phases. With wit and charm, "e;The Name Game"e; is a tribute to the power of names and the laughter that music brings into our lives. The B-52s So, let's talk about the B-52s, the iconic band that brought us "e;Rock Lobster"e; and "e;Love Shack."e; You might think their name is just a quirky nod to a funky airplane or a cool hairstyle, but oh, my friends, it's so much more than that. Picture this: it's the late 1970s in Athens, Georgia, a town buzzing with art, music, and a whole lot of weirdness. A group of friends decides to form a band, and they need a name. They brainstorm, and someone, probably after a few too many cocktails, throws out "e;The B-52s."e;  Now, here's the kicker: the name actually comes from a type of beehive hairdo that was all the rage back then, reminiscent of the B-52 bomber, which is a plane that could drop some serious bombs, both literally and metaphorically. It's like saying, "e;Hey, we're going to blow you away with our music, but first, let's make sure our hair is taller than our amps!"e; Imagine the scene: a bunch of hipsters in outrageous outfits, sporting towering hairstyles that could double as Wi-Fi hotspots, all while debating the merits of their name.  But wait, it gets better! Before they settled on "e;B-52s,"e; they toyed with names like "e;The Four Sassy Cats"e; and "e;The Martian Dancers."e; Can you imagine? "e;Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for The Martian Dancers!"e; It sounds like an intergalactic circus act.  In the end, they went with the B-52s, and thank goodness for that! Because who wouldn't want to dance to the sounds of a band named after a hairstyle that could survive a hurricane? So, here's to the B-52s, proving that sometimes, the best names come from the wildest ideas and the tallest hairdos!

Author Michael Pollick, the Mike in "e;Professor Mike's Wealth of Geeky Knowledge"e;, has put in his share of blood, sweat, and tears in the pursuit of information. This collection of news articles inspired by his time with the Associated Press covers a range of topics, from the surprising health benefits of mushrooms to the hazards of cryptocurrency mining.   There's Always Room for Soup, Crackers, and Popsicles: Top "e;Sick Day"e; Foods When illness strikes, the world feels heavy and unwelcoming. The bed becomes a refuge, the blanket a comforting cocoon, and the mind drifts into a haze of aches and fatigue. In these moments, the thought of food can seem daunting, yet there's an undeniable allure to certain dishes that offer warmth, nostalgia, and a sense of solace. It's in these times that the phrase "e;sick day foods"e; takes on a profound meaning, encapsulating the comfort and care we seek when our bodies falter. Among the myriad options, three staples emerge as the champions of recovery: soup, crackers, and popsicles. First, let's delve into the world of soup. The very word conjures images of steaming bowls filled with vibrant colors and rich aromas. Chicken noodle soup, a quintessential choice, is often hailed as the ultimate remedy for the common cold. The tender chunks of chicken, slithering noodles, and vegetables floating in a savory broth create a symphony of flavors that not only nourish but also soothe the soul. The warmth of the broth envelops the body, providing a sense of comfort that transcends mere nutrition. Research even suggests that the steam from hot soup can help relieve nasal congestion, making it a dual-purpose dish that is both delicious and functional. Beyond chicken noodle, there are countless varieties—tomato bisque, minestrone, and even spicy pho—each offering its own unique therapeutic qualities.  Next, we turn to crackers, the unsung heroes of sick day snacks. Often overlooked, these crunchy companions are the perfect vehicle for a myriad of toppings or can stand alone, providing a satisfying crunch that contrasts beautifully with the softness of soup. Saltines, with their light, airy texture, have long been a staple in the pantry of anyone feeling under the weather. Their subtle saltiness can help settle an upset stomach, while their simplicity makes them easy to digest. Cracker varieties abound, from whole grain to gluten-free options, allowing everyone to find a suitable match for their palate. Pair them with a smear of butter, a slice of cheese, or even a dollop of peanut butter, and suddenly, they transform from a humble snack into a comforting meal, reminding us that even in our weakest moments, we can find joy in the simplest of pleasures. And then, there are popsicles, the sweet relief that cools and refreshes. Often associated with childhood memories of summer days, these frozen treats take on a new significance when illness strikes. The icy texture soothes a sore throat, while the fruity flavors awaken the senses, providing a momentary escape from the discomfort of fever and fatigue. Popsicles can be found in an array of flavors, from classic cherry to exotic mango, and they cater to a variety of dietary needs, including sugar-free and dairy-free options. The act of slowly savoring a popsicle can evoke a sense of nostalgia, transporting us back to carefree days when the biggest worry was whether we'd finish our homework before heading outside to play.  In the grand tapestry of food, these three elements—soup, crackers, and popsicles—represent more than just sustenance; they embody the care and compassion we extend to ourselves and each other during times of illness. They remind us that food is not merely about nourishment but also about emotional connection.

Author Michael Pollick returns with even more questions and answers in "e;A Wise Geek's Guide To Everything, Volume 2"e;. From the elusive "e;Brown Note"e; to the short-term memory of goldfish, this collection covers many mysteries, myths, and realities.  Do Goldfish Really Forget Everything After 3 Seconds? The myth that goldfish forget everything after three seconds is one of those delightful bits of trivia that has floated around for decades, often used to illustrate the concept of a short memory. But let's unpack this notion a little, shall we? First off, it's important to clarify that the three-second memory span is not just a quirky fact; it's a misconception that oversimplifies the cognitive abilities of these aquatic creatures. In reality, research has shown that goldfish possess a far more complex memory system than we give them credit for.  Goldfish can actually remember things for weeks, even months. Studies have demonstrated that they can be trained to perform tasks, remember feeding times, and even recognize their owners. Imagine that! A creature often dismissed as simple-minded has the capability to learn and retain information. In one experiment, goldfish were trained to push a lever to receive food. After a week of training, even when the food was removed, they continued to push the lever, demonstrating that they retained the learned behavior. This challenges the stereotype of goldfish as mindless beings, swimming in circles, oblivious to their surroundings. The misconception likely stems from the way we observe them in aquariums. Their constant swimming and seemingly repetitive behavior can give the impression that they are not processing their environment. However, what we often overlook is their ability to form associations. For instance, if a goldfish is fed at a specific time every day, it learns to anticipate that feeding. It can even distinguish between different colors and shapes, showing that it can develop preferences and make decisions based on past experiences. Moreover, goldfish have been shown to possess spatial memory, which is the ability to remember the layout of their environment. In studies, they have successfully navigated mazes, demonstrating their capability to remember routes and find their way back to familiar locations. This spatial awareness is crucial for their survival in the wild, where they must navigate through complex environments filled with predators and obstacles. So, the idea that they can't remember anything is not just an oversimplification; it's a blatant misrepresentation of their cognitive abilities. Another aspect to consider is the emotional intelligence of goldfish. They exhibit signs of stress and can even recognize other fish. They can be social creatures, forming bonds with fellow goldfish and reacting to their behaviors. This social interaction suggests a level of awareness and memory that goes beyond mere instinct. They may not communicate in the way we do, but their interactions hint at a deeper understanding of their environment and companions. So, why does this myth persist? Perhaps it's because goldfish are often kept as pets in small tanks, which reduces our perception of their capabilities. When we see them in such limited environments, it's easy to project our own interpretations onto them, viewing them as simplistic beings. The truth is, they are far more sophisticated than we realize.

If you remember Superballs, Evel Knievel, MAD magazine and Wacky Packages, this is the book for you. The Keepinnit Reels 2: Acoustic Boogaloo is a companion collection of the author's popular Keepinnit Reels Facebook reels, inspired by his memories of growing up in the 70s and 80s.

In the world of cinema, we often find ourselves enamored with the stars who grace our screens, their performances immortalized in our collective memory. Yet, behind each iconic role lies a tapestry of choices, a web of decisions that could have led us down entirely different paths. Michael Pollick's "e;Casting Conquests: The Surprising Runner-Ups for Iconic Roles"e; invites readers to peel back the layers of Hollywood history, revealing the fascinating stories of those who nearly donned the mantle of fame but ultimately stepped aside. This book is not merely a collection of what-ifs; it's a deep dive into the casting rooms where dreams were crafted, crushed, and occasionally resurrected, illuminating the intricate dance of talent, timing, and sheer luck that shapes our cinematic landscape. Imagine, if you will, a world where Tom Hanks never played the lovable Forrest Gump. Instead, the role could have belonged to a rising star whose name now evokes a sense of nostalgia, but at the time, was just a whisper in the industry. Pollick takes us on a journey through these alternate realities, exploring the near-misses and the almost-was that could have altered the course of film history. With each chapter, we're introduced to a pantheon of actors who, for various reasons—be it scheduling conflicts, a different vision from the director, or simply the fickle nature of fame—never quite made it to the finish line.  Pollick's meticulous research uncovers the stories behind the casting decisions that shaped our beloved films. He delves into the archives, unearthing audition tapes that reveal the raw talent of actors who, for a fleeting moment, had Hollywood at their feet. These are the voices of those who walked away from roles that would define a generation, only to be replaced by the familiar faces we know and love. It's a bittersweet exploration, one that invites empathy for those who could have been but never were.  The book is not just a catalogue of disappointments; it's a celebration of the art of casting itself. Pollick highlights the casting directors, producers, and directors who play pivotal roles in shaping the narratives we cherish. He paints a vivid picture of the casting process, where every audition is a gamble, every callback a potential turning point. Readers will find themselves captivated by the anecdotes that reveal the human side of these decisions, the laughter, the tears, and sometimes, the sheer absurdity of it all.  Through the lens of Hollywood's most beloved films, Pollick explores the cultural implications of these casting choices. He examines how the decisions made in those casting rooms resonate beyond the screen, influencing societal perceptions of beauty, talent, and success. Each chapter serves as a reminder that the stories we see on screen are often the result of countless hands shaping them, and that the narratives we celebrate are as much about the ones who didn't make it as they are about the ones who did. In the end, "e;Casting Conquests"e; is more than just a book about casting choices; it's a tribute to the dreamers, the hopefuls, and the nearly-there. It challenges us to appreciate not only the stars who shine brightly but also those who flicker in the shadows, whose stories deserve to be told. Michael Pollick has crafted a narrative that resonates with anyone who has ever dreamed of stepping into the spotlight, illuminating the paths not taken and celebrating the beauty of possibility in the world of film.

In "e;Avoiding the Disaster Date: Funny But True Stories of Relationship Red Flags"e;, humorist Michael Pollick delivers a hilarious yet eye-opening collection of essays that dive headfirst into the world of relationship red flags. With a sharp wit and a keen sense of observation, he recounts his own and others' misadventures in dating, each tale a cautionary reminder of the signs we often ignore. From the overly attached ex who still lurks on social media to the date who insists on discussing conspiracy theories over dinner, Pollick's stories are both relatable and uproarious. He masterfully blends humor with honesty, inviting readers to laugh at the absurdities while also reflecting on their own experiences. Each essay serves as a guide, a gentle nudge to recognize the warning signs before diving into the dating pool. Pollick's lighthearted approach transforms the often-dreaded topic of dating disasters into an entertaining exploration of love's pitfalls, making it a must-read for anyone navigating the chaotic world of romance. Michael Pollick delivers a hilarious yet eye-opening collection of essays that dive headfirst into the world of relationship red flags. With a sharp wit and a keen sense of observation, he recounts his own and others' misadventures in dating, each tale a cautionary reminder of the signs we often ignore. From the overly attached ex who still lurks on social media to the date who insists on discussing conspiracy theories over dinner, Pollick's stories are both relatable and uproarious. He masterfully blends humor with honesty, inviting readers to laugh at the absurdities while also reflecting on their own experiences. Each essay serves as a guide, a gentle nudge to recognize the warning signs before diving into the dating pool. Pollick's lighthearted approach transforms the often-dreaded topic of dating disasters into an entertaining exploration of love's pitfalls, making it a must-read for anyone navigating the chaotic world of romance. The Art of Tardiness: A Dating Conundrum that Drives You Mad You know, they say time is relative, but when you're dating someone who's chronically late, it feels a lot more like a personal affront. I mean, I've dated some interesting characters, but the latecomers take the cake. It's like they checked their watches and thought, "e;You know what? I could be on time, but where's the fun in that?"e; They treat punctuality like it's a suggestion, not a rule.  I remember one date where I was so early that I had time to read War and Peace and still finish a full season of a Netflix show before my date arrived. I could have baked a cake, written a novel, and solved world hunger in the time it took them to show up. When they finally arrived, I was halfway through my existential crisis, contemplating whether I should just start charging them rent for the time I was wasting.  And let's talk about the excuses. "e;Oh, traffic was terrible!"e; Sure, I get it. But when I can see the same traffic jam on Google Maps from my seat, it feels like a conspiracy. Or the classic, "e;I lost track of time!"e; Really? You lost track of time? I didn't realize we were living in a time warp.  But the best part is when they show up, all flustered and apologetic, and you're just sitting there like a statue of patience, wondering if you should applaud their grand entrance or demand a trophy for your endurance. I mean, if I wanted to wait around for someone who treats time like it's optional, I could have just adopted a cat. At least then, I'd get some cuddles while I waited! So, if you're dating someone who's perpetually late, just remember: love may be blind, but it sure as heck should be on time!

Heartbreak, Headaches, and Other Modern ConditionsAdvice from Miss Fortune, Modern Hearts Magazine, 1958–1961Welcome to the yellowed pages of Modern Hearts Magazine, America's most questionable source of romantic guidance.For three glorious years, readers from every corner of the nation poured their troubles into the mailbox of the magazine's resident advice columnist, Miss Fortune. Their letters arrived by the sackful: tales of impossible sweethearts, serial fiancés, chronic complainers, professional excuse-makers, amateur emperors, and men who regarded soap as a hostile political movement.With wit, wisdom, and only occasional mercy, Miss Fortune answered them all.Presented here for the first time is a complete collection of her most memorable columns, lovingly preserved from the magazine's celebrated golden era. Through dozens of letters and replies, readers will encounter a parade of romantic misadventures, personality defects, self-inflicted catastrophes, and spectacularly avoidable mistakes.Inside you'll discover:The gentleman who feared soap.The bridegroom with a frequent flyer account for engagements.The woman who lost an argument to a cat.The optimism factory that converts warning signs into excuses.The romance drive-thru.Dinner with Napoleon.And many other unfortunate souls who wandered into Miss Fortune's office seeking comfort and accidentally received perspective instead.Featuring vintage-inspired illustrations, fake advertisements, editorial departments, rejected letters, dictionaries of romance, and enough questionable life choices to fill several filing cabinets, Heartbreak, Headaches, and Other Modern Conditions recreates the experience of discovering a long-lost mid-century advice magazine that somehow understood modern relationships better than many modern relationship books.Funny, insightful, and occasionally alarmingly accurate, this collection reminds us that fashions change, technology advances, and hairstyles come and go—but human beings continue finding inventive new ways to complicate perfectly good relationships.As Miss Fortune herself often observed:"e;The problem with red flags is not that they're difficult to see. It's that people keep trying to repaint them."e;Open carefully.Some of these people may remind you of someone you know.