Robert Rankin – författare

Colonel Katterfelto has lately returned to London. He departed America under something of a cloud ... of smoke, issuing from his Spiritual Laboratory, which the townsfolk of Wormcast, Arizona, marched upon with their flaming torches. This catastrophic conflagration caused considerable concern to the pious colonel, who had been engaged in the creation of ''Heaven''s last and best gift to Mankind'', The Mechanical Messiah. And he was, after all, being guided in this Great Work by holy angels, communicating to him through his monkey butler, Darwin. It is 1897, twelve years since The War of the Worlds and two since Worlds War Two*. The British Empire encompasses Mars, and an uneasy peace exists between the peoples of Venus, Jupiter and Earth. In London there are many marvels of the modern age to be experienced. Amongst these is The Electric Alhambra Music Hall, where crowds thrill to The Earl Grey Whistle Test, a musical extravaganza featuring such top turns as Hayward''s Acrobatic Kiwis, The Travelling Formbys and the newly-arrived Colonel Katterfelto''s Clockwork Minstrels. But all is far from well in old Whitechapel, where a monster is once more abroad in the night-time streets, committing hideous acts of murder. Can this be the return of Jack the Ripper, or has something altogether unearthly materialised to spread fear, panic and mayhem? Something Hellishly evil?

Famed consulting detective Cameron Bell is already on the case, but it may take nothing less than the New Messiah Himself to save London, The Empire and all of the solar system from the impending apocalypse!

''Stark raving genius'' Observer

*See The Japanese Devil Fish Girl and other Unnatural Attractions.

An epic in four movements, this is the third book in Robert Rankin''s highly acclaimed meta-Victorian series. Comparable to Pratchett or Douglas Adams, the Father of Far Fetched Fiction has pulled out all of the stops with this riotous tale of wicked women, a dangerous detective and Darwin the educated ape.

Lord Brentford has a dream. To create a Grand Exposition that will showcase The Wonders of the Worlds and encourage peace between the inhabited planets of Venus, Jupiter and Earth. Ernest Rutherford has a dream. To construct a time ship, powered by the large hadron collider he has built beneath the streets of London. Cameron Bell is England''s greatest detective and he, too, has a dream. To solve the crime of the century before it takes place, without blowing up any more of London''s landmarks. Darwin is a monkey butler and he also has a dream. To end Man''s inhumanity to Monkey and bring a little joy into the world. Lavinia Dharkstorrm has a dream of her own. Although hers is more of a nightmare. To erase Man and Monkey alike from the face of the Earth and to hasten in the End of Days. Then there is the crime-fighting superlady, all those chickens from the past and the unwelcome arrival of The Antichrist. Things are looking rather grim on planet Earth.

Robert Rankin, the master of far-fetched fiction, presents, for the first time, a book written in ''the first monkey''. Sure to be taken up as the newest of literary fads, Darwin, the Educated Ape here tells his life story to his legions of fans.Featuring: Chickens! Martians! Doodlebugs! The Far Future! The Distant Past! Sherlock Holmes! Winston Churchill! Dynamite! More Monkeys than you can shake a stick at! Barmen! Pubs! The End of the World and more!The fourth in Robert Rankin''s series of steampunk-tinged Victoriana novels featuring the master detective Cameron Bell (who has an unfortunate fondness for blowing up major landmarks) and his companion, Darwin, the Educated Ape, this is another masterpiece of comic fiction and SF.

ONE IN EVERY THREE PEOPLE LIVING IS ACTUALLY DEAD!It is a matter of historical record that during the latter part of World War II, England''s top-secret Ministry of Serendipity enlisted the services of arch-magician Aleister Crowley to create a Homunculus. Why? Well that''s a long story, spanning almost seven decades as it follows the life and career of Tyler, rock star, private eye - and notable for the fact that he almost saved Mankind. The cast of millions also includes ukulele maestro George Formby, Mick Jagger, Mama Cass, Elvis Presley and Lazlo Woodbine. And Tyler''s brother, Andy, who impersonates animals (and who single-handedly brought about the Swinging Sixties). And a lady named Clara from Croydon, who unlocked the meta-phenomena of the Multiverse. And a corner shopkeeper from Brentford, who created a sitting room for God. And a great many living dead.Oh yes, and it also involves a monster in human form whose intention it is to turn the Earth into a Necrosphere, a planet totally devoid of life ...

There is big and evil magic abroad upon the face of the Earth. History has been changed. The Germans have won WWII. America is a nuclear wasteland. And worst of all, the breakfast menu at The Wife''s Legs Café in Brentford is serving Bratwurst rather than the proper big boys'' British banger. Something is Not Right. And when the world''s all wrong and it needs setting right, who''re you gonna call?

Hugo Rune, that''s who. A man who offers the world his genius, and asks only, in return, that the world cover his expenses.

And so, with the aid of his faithful acolyte and companion Rizla, the guru''s guru, also known as the hokus bloke, the Lad Himself and the Retromancer*, sets out to rewrite history the way it should be. Together they return to war-torn London, to solve the twelve cosmic conundra based on Hugo Rune''s personal tarot deck, each one leading them closer to a final terrifying confrontation.

They must match their wits against beautiful spies, advanced alien technology, killer robots and death rays, do battle with an ancient god, and come face to face once more with Hugo Rune''s arch-enemy, the sinister Count Otto Black, all the while finding time to drink ale, talk the toot and dine out in some of London''s swankiest eateries. Without ever paying the bill.

The pickled Martian''s tentacles are fraying at the ends and Professor Coffin''s Most Meritorious Unnatural Attraction (the remains of the original alien autopsy, performed by Sir Frederick Treves at the London Hospital) is no longer drawing the crowds. It''s 1895; nearly a decade since Mars invaded Earth, chronicled by H.G. Wells in THE WAR OF THE WORLDS. Wrecked Martian spaceships, back-engineered by Charles Babbage and Nikola Tesla, have carried the Queen''s Own Electric Fusiliers to the red planet, and Mars is now part of the ever-expanding British Empire.

The less-than-scrupulous sideshow proprietor likes Off-worlders'' cash, so he needs a sensational new attraction. Word has reached him of the Japanese Devil Fish Girl; nothing quite like her has ever existed before.

But Professor Coffin''s quest to possess the ultimate showman''s exhibit is about to cause considerable friction amongst the folk of other planets. Sufficient, in fact, to spark off Worlds War Two.

Jonny Hooker has been picked as a WINNER! and all he has to do to claim his prize is to solve the Da-da-de-da-da Code. Jonny knows that beat; it always turns up in popular music - like ''Waltzing Matilda'', or the National Anthem. And it has something to do with the Devil''s Chord. And with Robert Johnson (who sold his soul to the Devil), whose blues influenced a generation of musicians. And it definitely has something to do with Elvis, who is still alive and rocking (of course). And with the Secret Parliament of Five, who meet in Gunnersbury Park to dictate world affairs. And when he solves the Da-da-de-da-da Code, Jonny will also discover why all the most famous rock musicians die aged twenty-seven, the truth about raising an ancient god, and the destruction of the world. It''s all right there in the music. All Jonny has to do is to crack that code. Before he dies on Monday.

Magic, time travel and football: not exactly your everyday combination - but the fate of mankind hangs upon the result. Of course.

There''s big trouble in little Brentford. Property developers are planning to destroy the borough''s beloved football ground and build executive homes on the site. Shock! Outrage! Horror!

The lads of The Flying Swan, Brentford''s most celebrated drinking house, take up the challenge. Surely with these stalwarts working for the cause, Brentford''s football ground can be saved?

Would it were so, but this is Brentford and ancient forces of evil are forever stirring in the borough: Old Testament terrors, Lovecraftian loathsomes and beasties from the bottomless pit. And if the team make it through to the final, it''s going to be a match that no one will forget. What with the fate of mankind hanging upon the result. And everything.

Our teenage hero, having been thrown from Brighton Pier by the leader of The Canvey Island Mod Squad, narrowly escapes drowning thanks to the Perfect Master, Cosmic Dick and self-styled Logos of the Aeon (not to mention the reinventer of the Ocarina), Hugo Rune Himself.

Our hero has lost his memory, and, in desperation, agrees to join The Lad Himself in the solving of twelve cases based upon The Brightonomicon, the new zodiac signs formed by the alignment of Brighton streets and discovered by Rune: carriageway constellations.

And together they must find the Chronovision before it falls into the wrong hands and affords ultimate power to the would-be world dictator. And this being an adventure most exciting, they must find it before the sinister Count Otto Black, would-be World Dictator and all-round bad guy. Or the whole world will all go to pot.

A hilarious comic fantasy from the bestselling cult creator of the Brentford Triangle TrilogyOnce upon a time Jack set out to find his fortune in the big city. But the big city is Toy City, formerly known as Toy Town, and it has grown considerably since the good old days and isn''t all that jolly any more. And there is a serial killer loose on the streets. The old, rich nursery rhyme characters are being slaughtered one by one and the Toy City police are getting nowhere in their investigations. Meanwhile, Private Eye Bill Winkie has gone missing, leaving behind his sidekick Eddie Bear to take care of things.Eddie may be a battered teddy with an identity crisis, but someone''s got to stop the killer. When he teams up with Jack, the two are ready for the challenge. Not to mention the heavy drinking, bad behaviour, car chases, gratuitous sex and violence, toy fetishism and all-round grossness along the way. It''s going to be an epic adventure!