Keeping Your Kids Out Front Without Kicking Them From Behind

IAN TOFLER, M.B., B.S., is a Harvard-trained child and adolescent psychiatrist in practice in Los Angeles. He is the inaugural chair of the Sport Psychiatry Committee of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. THERESA FOY DIGERONIMO, M.Ed., is coauthor of How to Talk to Your Children About Really Important Things and How to Talk to Teens About Really Important Things (Jossey-Bass, 1994, 1999).

"This book provides the third voice that parents of gifted chidlrenreally need to help make the difficult everyday decisions. How muchstudy or practice is too much versus too little? How much pressureor competition is an incentive for a child's mastery, and how muchis too stressful for a young talented person?" (Bonnie and FredWaitzkin, Bonnie Waitzkin, director of chess program for giftedelementary school children, Fred Waitzkin, author, Searching forBobby Fischer and The Last Marlin.) "An excellent book for all parents to read! It fills a voidespecially for parents with kids in sports." (Joan Ryan, author,Little Girls in Pretty Boxes) "A concise yet richly developed book on a critical topic for thiscentury, by a well-respected psychiatrist." (Ron Kamm, M.D., vicepresident, International Society for Sport Psychiatry and fellow ofthe American Psychiatric Association) "Tofler and DiGeronimo's pre-eminent book develops reasonedapproaches to the development of healthy, successful, and talentedchildren, while avoiding the potentially damaging, even deadlydemands placed upon their young shoulders. . . . [they] haveprovided marvelous examples, suggestions, guidelines, andconclusions. They will show you how to define the distinctionsbetween healthy nurturing and harmful exploitation as you bringyour talented, highly talented or even genius children in a familysetting." (Larry Stone, M.D., past president, American Academy ofChild and Adolescent Psychiatry, Clinical Professor of Psychiatry,University of Texas Health Science Center at San Antonio)

• Introduction. AN UP-CLOSE LOOK AT PARENTS AND CHILDREN. Debating What is Best for Our Children. From Benign to Abusive. A SEVEN-STEP PROGRAM FOR ENCOURAGING AND PROTECTING HIGH-ACHIEVINGCHILDREN. Step 1: Define and Evaluate "Talent" Why Evaluate Talent?;Six Points of Talent Evaluation;Advice from the Experts. Step 2: Selecting Classes, Schools, and Camps that Cater toHigh-Achieving Children Evaluate Four Motives for Special Training:1) Improvement of Skill, 2) Supportive Environment, 3) EliteExposure, 4) Resume Building; and Advice From the Experts. Step 3: Beware Abusive Instructors Avoiding the Win-At-Any-CostInstructor;The Burden of Star Makers;Understanding The Verbal Batterer;The Danger of the Parent Substitute;Beware the Sexual Abuser;Advice from the Experts. Step 4: Weigh the Cost of Sacrifice Childhood Sacrifices;Parental Sacrifices;Sibling Sacrifices;Advice from the Experts. Step 5: Look Beyond the Talent Into the Future Look Beyond theTalent;Look Where You're Going;Beware the Downside of Competition;Watch Those Social Skills;Minimize Chronic Stress;Nurture Your Parent/Child Relationship;Advice from the Experts. Step 6: Beware the Red Flags of Achievement by Proxy DistortionBurnout;Over-training;Depression;Psychological Pain and Illness;Eating Disorders;Substance Abuse;Answering a Cry For Help. Step 7: Take a Good Look at your Parenting Style AutocraticController;Narcissistic and Needy;Financially Hungry;Overly Competitive;Frustrated Wanna-Be or Has-Been;Living in Denial;Untangling the Roots of ABPD;Encourage and Support. Epilogue. Chapter Notes.