Draw on Your Relationships

Dr Margot Sunderland is Director of Education and Training at The Centre for Child Mental Health London, Senior Associate of the Royal College of Medicine and Child Psychotherapist with over thirty years’ experience of working with children and families. Dr Sunderland is the author of over twenty books in child mental health, which collectively have been translated into eighteen languages and published in twenty-four countries. Her books, which form the Helping Children with Feelings series, are used as key therapeutic tools by child professionals all over the UK and abroad.Nicky Armstrong holds an MA from the Slade School of Fine Art and a BA Hons in Theatre Design from the University of Central England. She is the principal artist at The London Art House and has illustrated over twenty books, which have been published in many countries. Nicky has also achieved major commissions nationally and internationally in mural work and fine art.

Julia Bird, Director of ThriveI am a founding director of a company that supports approximately 1,800 adults working in education to understand if a child has emotional developmental interruptions and what to do to make a difference. We train many teachers and other adults working in schools. Margot Sunderland’s books are recommended reading for those who attend our courses. Our trainees find the Draw On books very helpful in training and then also with their children - not just those children identified for special help. They deal with universal life themes relevant for all. I particularly like the theoretical explanation mixed with superb, doable activities/exercises and copyable handouts.Margot is an acknowledged expert in her field and her passion to make such important understandings and ways of working with troubled children accessible to ordinary people - parents, teachers, support workers - is manifest in the old excellent editions. Her suggestions for the new editions for both books are really exciting. I certainly will recommend the new editions to the people with whom I work.What is needed are work books that give the basic theoretical understanding - e.g. why using imagery is a potent way of supporting children to process feelings - with very usable activities that ordinary people can use to great effect with their children or with the children with whom they work.The addition of the cards will help adults open the conversation with children/young people about difficult feelings. These are a real improvement on the books as they stand now. To have images that are so evocative will enhance the dialogue and give opportunities for all involved to tickle the imagination and make more sense and help the children digest their emotional responses to life situations that cause them such pain and difficulty.The new suggestions will take the work with children from labelling feelings without a real connection to deeper meaning to an integration of feelings, imagination and language that deepen awareness and supports emotional development.The cards will not go out of date as I imagine they will illustrate life’s difficulties that are timeless.I absolutely support the need for updated editions of these superb books and think the cards to be incredibly helpful in supporting children to tell their stories and process trauma.

• INTRODUCTION • How to use this book• Why use drawings and images to speak about feelings?• How to work safely• Key rules and guidelines in helping someone to speak about feelings• About sandplay and how to use itYOU AND YOUR RELATIONSHIPS • You, your relationships, your life• Encouragers and discouragers in my life (past and present) • People in your life, as gardens • The cocktail party• Your relationships as walls, bridges, comfortable sofas & take off • Museum of too alone • My childhood memories: People as places• Relationship riches DEAD, DEPRIVING, DRAINING, DISAPPOINTING RELATIONSHIPS • My Relationship: Take off or stuck on the runway?• To leave or to stay? • The ‘nothing much happening’ times • A relationship that’s holding me back • People who energise. People who drain • Too many takers and not enough givers • Am I expecting too much from her/him? • Disappointing relationship or futile quest for perfect mate? LIFE-CHANGING RELATIONSHIPS • People you’ve been flying with • Flying together as a group• Collecting moments, not things • Oh, how we laugh!• Knights (posing as people) LOVE HURTS • Museum of hurt• When I can’t reach you• Life after losing a person or their love • The end of a relationship. What now? • Loving someone who isn’t good at loving • Do I matter to you?• No one listens / too unhelped • Rejected / not wanted / uninvited / redundant • On the outside of the group DAMAGING AND DESTRUCTIVE RELATIONSHIPS • Power over / power under / power with • Toxic shame• Managing conflict badly• Controlled • Emotional baggage • Hidden resentments • So many difficult/annoying people in my life • Anger fuelled by pain from the past RELATIONSHIPS AND FEAR • Fear of intimacy • Withdrawal, avoidance and leaving • Fear of closeness and fear of distance • Fear of being in groups • Fear of being myself in case I am too much • Without a voice • Mistrust TOOLS AND TECHNIQUES TO IMPROVE AND REPAIR RELATIONSHIPS • The art of relationship (for one person) • The ‘when you…I feel’ exercise (for two people)• The ‘unfinished sentence’ exercise (for two people)• The 'like / don’t like it’ game (for two people)• The empathy game (for two people)• Our best and worst times (for two people)• Theories of motivation (for two people)• Paper conversations