Negotiating at Home

Terri R. Kurtzberg, PhD, is associate professor of management and global business at Rutgers Business School, Newark and New Brunswick. Mary C. Kern, PhD, is an associate professor of management at the Zicklin School of Business, Baruch College, City University of New York.

Easily assimilated, useful guidance for parents seeking to create a more harmonious home environment.

• PrefaceWhat You Already Know and What's NewWhat's to ComeStep 1 Cracking the Negotiations Code1 Learning Negotiation SkillsWhat Is Negotiation?Why Is This So Much Harder at Home Than at Work?Negotiating by the NumbersThe Limits of Learning from ExperienceThe Paradoxes of ParentingThe Problem of Analogical TransferFive Big Ideas about Learning Negotiation Skills2 The Single Best Predictor of Success: PreparationStart with a GoalThe Nitty-Gritty of Preparing: The Three-Question Checklist, Asked TwiceWhy Are "Whys" Particularly Hard in This Setting? The Two Levels: Immediate and PerpetualFirst Things First: Get Your Own Ducks in a RowSharing Your "Why"What about Your Child's Perspective? The Second Time through the Three QuestionsAn Example of the Three-Question Checklist (Asked Twice) in ActionFive Big Ideas on Preparation3 Choosing a Strategy: Power, Rules, and InsightPower: The Ace Up Your SleeveEstablishing RulesWhat Is "Fair"?The Go-To Fair Solution: "Let's Just Split It"InsightFive Big Ideas about Choosing a StrategyStep 2 Becoming a Master of the Moment4 Psychological Warfare: The Common Tactics Kids Use for Getting What They WantThe Go-To List That Comes Preinstalled in Most ChildrenTactic #1: The Buck Stops Where? Conformity Pressures in ParentingTactic #2: It's Not as Bad as What I Could Have Asked for! And Its Twin: While You're Saying Yes, How about Just This One Extra Little Thing? The Use of ContrastsTactic #3: What If I Just Keep Asking? Really, I Could Do This All Day … The Exhaustion TacticTactic #4: LyingFive Big Ideas about Tactics5 Predictable PitfallsThe Science of Decision MakingMisremembering the Origins: Getting Stuck on BlameEscalation of Commitment: Getting Stuck with Our Previous DecisionsArtificially High Stakes: Getting Stuck on Fears for the FutureThe Winner's Curse: Getting Stuck on What Might Have BeenAnchoring and Concessions: Getting Stuck on the First Thing You HearFive Big Ideas about Pitfalls6 Multiple Roles at the Table: Teammate, Coach, and JudgeTeammate: The Two-Headed MonsterSure, We're on the Same Page! (Aren't We?)Which One Are You, The Strict one or The Nice One?Tell It to the JudgeCoaching for Future SuccessCoaching and Judging over TimeFive Big Ideas on Your Multiple Roles in Negotiations (Teammate, Judge, and Coach)7 Negotiating via TextShort but Not Always SweetThe Magic of SpeechWords and SymbolsThe Third Wheel of TechnologyWe're Not Ourselves OnlineFive Big Ideas about TextingStep 3 Bringing the Best of Yourself8 Negotiating While Hopping Mad: Managing Emotions in NegotiationsWhy Is It So Hard to Think Straight When Mad, Sad, or Glad?Catch It, Share It, and Weigh It: Contagion, Congruence, and First ImpressionsThe Emotional You versus The Rational You: Fight of the Century!Kids' Emotions: A Work in ProgressThe Life Raft of Active ListeningFive Big Ideas about Emotions9 Managing Everyday ConflictMonkey See, Monkey Do"My Way or the Highway" versus "I Need to Do What My Child Needs Me to Do"One Problem, Five SolutionsCan You Hear Me Now? Strategies for Communicating WellFive Big Ideas about Conflict and Communication10 The Tools at Work: The Test DrivesWhat's Different about a Negotiation at Home?The Value of PlanningWhich Strategy and When?Being Battle Ready for The Every Day, Every Kid TacticsWe Are All (Parents and Children) Predictably IrrationalThe Part You PlayTo Text or Not to Text?Don't Get Derailed by EmotionsMoving Beyond Your Defaults in Resolving Conflicts and CommunicatingConclusionAppendix The Five Rules Your Kids Need to Think Like a Master NegotiatorThe Kids Guide to NegotiatingRule #1: Decide: Should I, or Shouldn't I?Rule #2: Before You Even Open Your Mouth, Spend a Minute ThinkingRule #3: Ask a Lot of Questions (Before You Start Talking about Your Own Ideas)Rule #4: Explain YourselfRule #5: BrainstormSummary Checklist of StepsIndex