29 Rules for Smart Parenting

Rolf Arnold, PhD, obtained his doctorate at the University of Heidelberg, worked thereafter in an International Adult Education Centre, obtained his postdoctoral qualification at the Distance University of Hagen, Germany, in 1987, and has been working since 1990 at the Department of Pedagogics (in the fields of Vocational and Adult Education) at the Technical University of Kaiserslautern, Germany. He is also Scientific Director of the Distance and Independent Studies Center (DISC), and the Speaker of the Virtual Campus Rhineland-Palatinate (VCRP).

You want to improve your parenting skills? This book skillfully guides you in thinking about your role as a parent and teacher. It shows how you can build a special parent-child relationship based on a loving responsibility for your child’s growth and the development of an individual personality.

• Preface: Parenting requires substance and underpinning Rule 1: When you feel your child or adolescent is “difficult”, before reacting out of anger or disappointment, go back to the source of your love!Rule 2: When confronted with violence – show no fear. Meet and defuse it by projecting a controlled presence!Rule 3: If you feel the need to impose sanctions or punishment, first perform a “culpability” check. Keep the level of punishment low in relation to the damages suffered!Rule 4: Live by the values you want your child to commit to in life!Rule 5: Don’t just give an adequate response, have quid pro quo exchanges!Rule 6: Always look for the impression behind the expression!Rule 7: Surprise with an unexpected reaction!Rule 8: Respond with level-headedness and always be consequential!Rule 9: Create emotions if they have grown cold!Rule 10: Direct parenting measures at the behavior, not at the person!Rule 11: Practice consistency in child rearing!Rule 12: Exercise your “parental privilege” – the key to effective parenting!Rule 13: Put your child rearing practices under the “macroscope” and learn what is preventing your children from doing their homework!Rule 14: Control the amount of time your child is exposed to television and computers!Rule 15: Don’t get forced into buying something just to avoid embarrassment!Rule 16: If you are frustrated, take time alone with your parenting principles and see the reflection in the mirror!Rule 17: Never forget: What bothers you is not your child’s behavior, but rather your interpretation of that behavior! Rule 18: Ask questions that cause them to think – not interrogations that lead to predetermined conclusions! Practice the art of “active listening!”Rule 19: Always address every level of a child rearing problem!Rule 20: Use the BARE essentials: Bonding, Active involvement, Respect for boundaries, and Education!Rule 21: Make your child the center of attention from time to time! Love is vital!Rule 22: Improve the hidden learning influences in your child’s environment! Rule 23: Give your children some space: a little distance can bring you closer!Rule 24: Teach your child self-discipline by looking beyond your fears and idealistic views!Rule 25: Avoid going down the “dead ends” of child rearing!Rule 26: Practice 2-way conversations!Rule 27: Escape from self-expectations and enjoy the diversity of the world!Rule 28: Provide encouragement, avoid disciplining!Rule 29: Avoid overreaction or apologize for it!Epilogue: The way out of the parenting doldrumsReferences