Raising Securely Attached Kids

Eli Harwood, MA, LPC is a licensed therapist, best-selling author, and highly sought-after educator who has more than 17 years of experience helping people process relational traumas and develop secure connections with their children. She is on a mission to help make the world a better place, one relationship at a time. In addition to her clinical work, Harwood also offers online courses and in-person retreats to help individuals better understand their attachment styles and build stronger bonds. She has also served as a faculty member at The Denver Family Institute and is the author of Securely Attached. Eli has three children, one husband, two cats, and an extraordinary number of plants. Learn more about her work at AttachmentNerd.com.Author Residence: Denver, Colorado

"Eli Harwood brings infectious-fun energy, vulnerability, and fresh perspectives without shaming or blaming. Not only is Raising Securely Attached Kids a practical and actionable guide, it's grounded in science and entertaining to read. There is truly nothing that matters more to me in my life than building secure relationships with my children and loved ones."-Hilary Swank, actress, storyteller, mom of twins"Raising Securely Attached Kids provides a compelling invitation to every parent . . . in teaching the essentials of attachment which can help us as parents all 'show up' in ways that enable our children to become securely attached to us [which] enables our kids to develop resilience and the capacity to connect with others in deeply rewarding ways." -Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., New York Times bestselling co-author of The Whole-Brain Child "Raising Securely Attached Kids is a comprehensive roadmap for parents who want to raise securely attached, emotionally healthy children. Eli Harwood breaks down the science of attachment to offer practical insights for cultivating parent-child relationships based on safety, connection, and collaboration. A parenting must-read." -Alyssa Blask Campbell, M.Ed., author of Tiny Humans, Big Emotions"Eli uses her charm, humor, and compelling storytelling ability to weave together a narrative that will guide parents toward a deep and transformative relationship with their children. Eli has a special gift to take complex research and psychological concepts and make them accessible to her audience, and that is woven through each page of this book."-Tammy Schamuhn, author of The Parenting Handbook"Insightful, profound, poignant . . . a must-read for parents committed to building a secure foundation that lasts a lifetime. This book seamlessly translates cutting-edge research into practical wisdom. Eli Harwood brings an outstanding fusion of knowledge and heart to the world of parenting."-Dr. Galit Atlas, author of Emotional Inheritance "If there's one thing a divorcing parent wishes for as their marital status changes, it's a continued healthy attachment with their children. Harwood's work is a gift to those of us working hard to give our children a childhood they can be proud of one day."-Michelle Dempsey-Multack, founder of Moms Moving On "You can't put a roof on a house without first laying a sturdy foundation and building a frame. Raising Securely Attached Kids will guide you in creating the foundation upon which healthy families can be built. This book is the parenting guide we all need."-Rachel Samson, clinical psychologist

• IntroductionChapter 1: The Most Important LessonAuthor Eli Harwood sets the stage for understanding attachment in the parenting context and the mindsets necessary for a parent to cultivate a secure relationship, and how children learn whether or not they can rely on us for connection and support.Chapter 2: Connection is the Most Powerful Form of InfluenceThis chapter explores the emotional side of parenting and the importance of those challenging moments when our kids are submerged deep into their feelings.Chapter 3: They Can Feel What You Don’t Heal This chapter focuses on the ways that our unresolved traumas from the past and our dysfunctional relationships in the present affect our children and how we can heal them in order not to pass them down to our kids.Chapter 4: Feelings are for FeelingIn a world full of so much misconception regarding emotional health, this chapter helps you build your child's emotional intelligence through mythbusting current mindsets about what it means to be emotionally healthy.Chapter 5: Structure is Nurture's Best FriendThis chapter discusses the power of playful connection and enthusiastic delight, and empowers parents to cultivate positive interactions and explores dominance vs. connection.Chapter 6: Secure ConflictThis chapter gets into the nitty gritty of conflict with our children and the different ways it shows up in them and us and how to take a discovery mindset instead of a fear mindset with conflict.Chapter 7: Connection as ProtectionThis chapter focuses on navigating outside sources of potential harm and struggle with our children. It will help parents learn how to offer protection without sliding into fear mongering or controlling responses.Chapter 8: The Self-Confidence RecipeA child can only become confident in their self if they are first able to be confident in the care of others. This chapter guides parents into how to help kids feel securely adored, understood, and supported which internalizes into positive narratives about themselves.Chapter 9: The Tricky TopicsThis chapter dives into the terrain of the tricky conversations that every child needs their parents to have with them. It breaks down conversation by conversation the important things for parents to be aware of as they navigate these dialogues and how to effectively hear and be heard.Chapter 10: Letting Go *is* Staying CloseThis chapter leans into the very complex and emotional process of our children building autonomy and independence. It addresses the emotional ways we come to these moments and how to offer our children the best possible launchpad to move into new stages of independence.AppendixAcknowledgmentsReferencesIndex