World Was in Our Hands

Chitra Nagarajan is a journalist and writer who writes on climate change, conflict, feminism, foreign policy, migration, Nigeria and the wider Lake Chad region, race and  sexual orientation, gender identity and gender expression. She has written for The Guardian, New Humanist, New Internationalist, This is Africa and Ventures Africa and appeared on Sky News and the BBC World Service. She co-edited She Called Me Woman: Nigeria’s Queer Women Speak, a book of narratives published by Cassava Republic Press.

• Introduction 1.      This is what hasbecome of Maiduguri2.     Not the societywe want3.     Let me leave nowbefore they bring fight here4.     The world was inour hands5.     My whole life wastheir own6.     Still hungry tosurvive7.      I didn’t knowwhat aikin Allah was but it sounded good8.     Run and leave itfor the child9.     Because ofclimate change and because of conflict10.  Freedom for me11.   They prayed on me12.  We take care ofeach other13.  At least I havegotten my children14.  If not, I wouldhave died15.  I believed wewould change the world16.  We decided, it’slife or death for us17.  There is so muchI do to avoid problems18.  My life here doesnot have any sense19.  We came to hate the whole society except them20. It felt good to have this power21.  I have no freedom22. Any country withthis level of insecurity is no longer a country23. Safely like before24. So different from the world we knew25. They were real elders - my future is with them26. Having a mind of my own27. We must stand up and fight for our rights28. To keep away the hopelessness29. Like the hameji of before30. I don’t think we are Nigerian31.  I am like familyto them and they will not abandon me32. Determined to doall I could to protect them33. The one who savedher daughter’s life34. How lucky he isto have me as a wife35. A job reservedfor women36. If they juststopped stigmatising37.  It was only for amoment I felt sad 38. It seems thateveryone is engaged in doing evil39. Nobody knows whathappened to me in the bush40. To focus insteadon the bright future ahead of me41.  The bloodshed inthis land42. The last time Isaw my daughter43. What keeps womenthere44. The Borno we knew45. The way to regainpeace46. I never expectedwar to be like this47. At least here, Ihave freedomAcknowledgements