Carry On

Mx. Nillin Lore (they/them) is an AuDHD, trans and queer activist, advocate, and educator based in Saskatoon, SK. They are the author of How Do I Sexy? A Guide for Trans and Nonbinary Queers, Carry On: Unpacking Your Internalized Transphobic and Queerphobic Baggage and Nonmonogamy and Queer Inclusivity.Andrew Gurza is an award-winning disability awareness consultant and activist who focuses on the intersections of disability and sexuality. He is the author of Notes From A Queer Cripple: How to Cultivate Queer Disabled Joy (and Be Hot While Doing It!).

"The warm and informative self-help book Carry On brims with supportive words for queer and trans people, drawing on scholarship, stories, and advice from activist Nillin Lore and others... It celebrates queer heroes in accessible, sometimes punchy language, and it notes that 'Choosing to be affirming, welcoming, uplifting, inspiring and caring in the face of all the adversity that we experience is a true fucking power move.' It even closes with five final affirmations. A compassionate self-help book, Carry On gathers advice from diverse role models on navigating contemporary queer life."—Meredith Grahl Counts, Foreword

• ForewordAcknowledgementsChapter One: Tainted Love: An Introduction to InternalizationHow to Use This BookHow Internalization WorksChoice TheoryThe Iceberg ModelYour Own Principled ApproachChapter Two: Under Pressure: A Look at Oppressive Social SystemsSmall Town TransphobiaAll The Little ThingsBig-City Queer ProblemsQueerphobia in All Its FormsCisnormativity, Heteronormativity and Amatonormativity in ActionSexual Shame, Body Negativity and FetishizationDisability, Neurodivergence and AbleismRacism and QueernessDon’t Let Your Light Go OutHow to Stop Internalization Before It HappensPractical Ways to Make Your Perspective and Environment More Queer and Trans AffirmingYour Life Well LivedChapter Three: Product of My Own Design: The Ins and Outs of the ClosetLife on HoldClosets: Where the Queers Go to HideOh My GodLove LostThe Cost of LivingWhat Else Keeps People ClosetedThe Hard QuestionsWhy We Came OutGuidance, Encouragement and Words of Wisdom from Some of Your PeersChapter Four: I Wanna Dance with Somebody: Finding Your Way Back to CommunityWhat Finding Community Might Look LikeDon’t Fear the QueerDistance Makes the Heart Grow HarderIf You Build It, They Will ComeFinding and Easing into the Larger Queer Community at Your Own PaceEmbracing Our HistoriesChapter Five: Dig Me Out: Challenging and Overcoming Lateral Violence Racism in Queer Spaces Queerphobia and Transphobia in Personal Relationships Scapegoating for the “Greater Good” Recognizing and Avoiding Gatekeeping The Gender Binary and Passing Pressure Tone Policing in Queer Advocacy and Activism Not “Rocking the Boat” Choosing Compassion Chapter Six: Talk to Me: Setting Your Personal Boundaries and Nonnegotiables Figuring Out Your Needs Consequences and Follow-Through Compromising and Negotiating in Good Faith Nonnegotiables Healthy Boundaries, Healthy MindsChapter Seven: Queen of the Rodeo: Self- Advocacy as a Marginalized Queer There’s Always a Bigger Boss Developing a Personal Support System Your Voice and Intentions as an AdvocateChapter Eight: True Colours: Queer Affirmations and Stories of Joy Five Affirmations to Help You Unpack Celebrations of the Self Tell Your Own StoryEndnotes Glossary Further Reading Resources Index