Everett L. Worthington Jr. is a clinical psychologist and Commonwealth Professor Emeritus at Virginia Commonwealth University. He has had over 40 years of licensed practice and has written almost 50 books on topics such as forgiveness, couple therapy, and spirituality/religion.Jennifer S. Ripley is a professor of Clinical Psychology at Regent University, Virginia, sharing the Hughes Chair for Integration of Mental Health. As a licensed clinical psychologist, she directs the couple lab at Regent University, supervises many couple therapists, and sees dozens of couples per year, testing the ideas for this book in a real-world therapeutic setting. Her website is www.hopecouples.com.

Knowing how to recover from life’s inevitable disappointments and emotional injuries is an essential skill for successful relationships. Worthington and Ripley offer a practical, sensitive, and evidence-based approach for helping couples to recover from relationship wounds and pursue a joyful life together. This marvelous new text provides step-by-step interventions for promoting hope and forgiveness and is an indispensable resource for every couple therapist.Douglas K. Snyder, Ph.D., is Professor of Psychological and Brain Sciences at Texas A&M University (College Station). Co-author of Getting Past the Affair, Co-editor of the Clinical Handbook of Couple TherapyHere is a book with a difference. The Hope-Focused Couples Approach (HFCA) is packed with more practical suggestions than one could hope for and it creates hope in both couples and therapists. It is technique-heavy and can be integrated with virtually any approach to couple therapy. You can select those techniques that fit into your treatment and add new methods of positive psychology are deigned to promote forgiveness, humility, gratitude, and hope. HFCA provides authoritative coverage of forgiveness and reconciliation for couples based on the authors’ extensive research and practice on these processes. I believe you’ll find this book a hands-on, practical resource.Leslie Greenberg, Distinguished Research Professor Emeritus, Dept. of Psychology, York University, Toronto OntarioAfter 30 years practicing couple therapy, I would describe it as a challenging but deeply rewarding adventure, and one that definitely requires a good “map.” In this book, Worthington and Ripley have provided an outstanding map based on their Hope-Focused Couple Approach drawing on a textured theoretical framework, solid research evidence, and a flexible set of interventions for effectively engaging couples’ strengths and values toward healing and growth. I grew to love doing couple therapy using an early version of this approach during my graduate training, and I continue to benefit from the clinical wisdom and strategic clarity of these authors as their model has evolved. I consider this book essential reading in the field of couple therapy."Steven J. Sandage, Ph.D., LP, Boston UniversityThis book offers an indispensable roadmap for forming, growing, maintaining, and repairing the emotional bond. Covering topics ranging from how to get couples to do homework, to understanding what to do when the emotional bond is severely strained, to immensely practical strategies to tackle such big and potentially overwhelming constructs like hope and forgiveness, this is a fantastic tool box for both new therapists and seasoned ones alike. I learned many new strategies that I look forward to implementing in my own practice. One of this book’s greatest contributions to the literature is the concept of hope, which is an overlooked virtue in couple relationships. As long as couples have hope and commitment, they can surmount daily fluctuations in their satisfaction and retain motivation to work toward change. Loss of hope is deadly, and I am grateful that these two excellent therapists have brought this concept front and center of this book so that other therapists will pay attention to it and learn how to cultivate it when it is waning.Kristina Coop Gordon, Ph.D. Professor and Associate Dean for Community Engagement University of Tennessee-Knoxville. Co-author of Getting Past the AffairThis book is the first to provide an innovative, practice friendly integration of constructs in positive psychology into couple therapy. The numerous interventions provided throughout the text are explained within a patient-friendly framework that will appeal to all therapists regardless of theoretical orientation. It is an essential resource that belongs on the shelves of novice to seasoned practitioners.Frank D. Fincham, Ph.D. Eminent Scholar and Director, Florida State University Family InstituteThis book, written by two true experts in couples’ relationships, incorporates a rare combination of strategies to inspire hope, positivity, and forgiveness for couples in an easy-to-understand, practical manner. It is filled with empirically supported strategies that will be invaluable across therapists’ theoretical orientations while providing a cogent, flexible framework for treatment. This volume will expand and deepen the work of both experienced and beginning couple therapists, and I recommend it highly.Don Baucom Distinguished Professor of Psychology and Neuroscience University of North Carolina. Co-author of Baucom, D. H., Fischer, M. S., Corrie, S., Worrell, M., & Boeding, S. E., Treating relationship distress and psychopathology in couples: A cognitive-behavioural approach (2020)Worthington and Ripley have expanded the boundaries of couple therapy, covering all the twists and turns from intake to termination, as well as providing a rich conceptual framework to guide intervention. Their detailed description of over 100 practical strategies to help couples as they strengthen their relationships and build hope for the future is a wonderful addition to the field and a must read for students, teachers, scholars, and practitioners in the ever-evolving field of couple therapy.Steven R. H. Beach, Ph.D. Regent’s Professor of Psychology, University of Georgia Director, Center for Family Research Author, Depression in MarriageThis is an exceptional resource for marital and couples therapists of any theoretical background. Centered around the goal of producing hope, Worthington and Ripley provide over 100 clear, usable—“how to do it”— strategies. The work is richly cited, engaging, and thoroughly useful.Scott M. Stanley, Ph.D. Research Professor, University of Denver. Co-author of Fighting for Your Marriage

• CHAPTER 1 ADMITTING TO THE FRAGILITY OF COUPLE THERAPY: HOLD ONTO HOPEPART 1 FRAMING INTERVENTIONSCHAPTER 2 INTRODUCING THE THEORY: USE FIVE STEPS IN OPERATION HOPE Figure 2-1: Operation Hope: The Grand Strategy for the Hope-Focused Couple Approach.Intervention 2-1: Ten Techniques of the HFCACHAPTER 3 PROMOTING HOPE: UNCOVER DIFFERENT KINDS OF HOPE CHAPTER 4 EMPLOY STRATEGIES FOR LOVE: HELP COUPLES DO THE WORK AND KEEP THE FAITHIntervention 4-1: Education about Couple Therapy Intervention 4-2: Get This Across—In Couple Therapy, Work Is Essential Intervention 4-3: You Just Have to Do a Week of Work Intervention 4-4: Great Homework Interventions Intervention 4-5: Reflective Processing Worksheet Intervention 4-6: Love that Values the Partner in Action CHAPTER 5 USING THE THERAPY TECHNIQUES: MAKE CHANGE SENSIBLE Intervention 5-1: How to Do Sensible Scaling with a Couple CHAPTER 6 STRENGTHING THE EMOTIONAL BOND: FOCUS ON WHAT REALLY MAKES COUPLES SATISFIED AND STABLE Figure 6-1: Practical Recipe of Actions to Build IntimacyIntervention 6-1: CLEAVE to Bond Intervention 6-2: Tell Me a Secret—Share Your Dreams Intervention 6-3: Attend to the Emotional CuesCHAPTER 7 APPLYING PRINCIPLES OF COUPLE THERAPY: FIND THE ESSENCE OF HELPING COUPLES CHANGEPART 2 INTERACTING HOPEFULLYCHAPTER 8 BUILDING HOPE WITH HOPE: HANDLING OUR PROBLEMS EFFECTIVELYIntervention 8-1: The Alligator Intervention (Or How to Respond When Your Partner Snaps)CHAPTER 9 UNDERSTANDING THE COUPLE’S PROBLEMS AND GOALS: USE ASSESSMENT EFFICIENTLYFigure 9-1: The Couple Improvement PlanTable 9-1: Questionnaires and Scales for Clinical Assessment of CouplesIntervention 9-1: Educate Couples about PreferencesIntervention 9-2: Pre-Meeting Assessment QuestionnairesIntervention 9-3: The Dyadic Interview 10 QuestionsIntervention 9-4: Assigning Homework and the Couple Improvement Plan WorksheetIntervention 9-5: Detect Red FlagsCHAPTER 10 PROVIDING FEEDBACK TO THE COUPLE: ENGAGE COUPLES IN PLANNING THEIR TREATMENTFigure 10-1: Graphic Display of Carl and Sarah’s Ratings of Elements of Their RelationshipIntervention 10-1: The Assessment ReportIntervention 10-2: Feedback Report ExampleIntervention 10-3: Example Treatment Plan for Couple TherapyCHAPTER 11 SETTING UP ROUTINE OUTCOME MONITORING: PUT ASSESSMENT TO WORKFigure 11-1: H-ROM QuestionnaireFigure 11-2: Display of ROM Results for Each PartnerIntervention 11-1: Routine Outcome Monitoring (ROM) AssessmentCHAPTER 12 USING COUPLE THERAPY METHODS FOR HOPE: INSTILL HOPE FOR THE HOLY, HURTING, AND HEALTHYFigure 12-1: Pain-Defense-Offense Pattern (adapted from Sells & Yarhouse, 2011)Intervention 12-1: The Video ReviewIntervention 12-2: Stopping Negative ReciprocityCHAPTER 13 HELPING RESOLVE CONFLICTS: FIND MUTUAL INTERESTS BENEATH SURFACE FIGHTSFigure 13-1: Couple Conflict: Process and InterventionFigure 13-2: The LOVE AcronymIntervention 13-1: LOVE—Three Interventions in OneIntervention 13-2: Five-Minute DateIntervention 13-3: Simple Listen and Repeat, WarmlyIntervention 13-4: Time OutIntervention 13-5: Expressing Valuing LoveIntervention 13-6: Experiencing and Expressing GratitudeIntervention 13-7: Doubt Your DoubtIntervention 13-8: Diffusing a Power Struggle by Setting up a Win-Win and Inviting Partners to Honor Each Other’s Valued ChoicesIntervention 13-9: Values Card SortIntervention 13-10: Process the ConflictIntervention 13-11: Begin a Hard Discussion with a Soft Start-UpIntervention 13-12: Slimy Pit DemonstrationCHAPTER 14 PROMOTING BETTER COMMUNICATION: FACILITATE WHAT THEY ALREADY KNOWFigure 14-1: Practice Affirming and Active Responding Instead of Discounting and DisengagingIntervention 14-1: Love BankIntervention 14-2: Love Bank Spin-OffsIntervention 14-3: Making Affirming Active Responses Using the Speaker-Listener TechniqueIntervention 14-4: Leveling and EditingIntervention 14-5: Love BustersIntervention 14-6: TANGO and TANGO-EIntervention 14-7: A Coke and a SmilePART 3 BONDINGCHAPTER 15 REVEALING THE SECRET TO A HAPPY ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP: HELP BUILD A MORE INTIMATE EMOTIONAL BONDFigure 15-1: Sternberg’s Eight Types of Love Derived from Being High or Low in Passion, Intimacy, and CommitmentFigure 15-2: Intimacy Thermometers (Ripley & Worthington, 2014)Intervention 15-1: Plot the Couple’s Sternberg Love-Triangle HistoryIntervention 15-2: Conceptualization of Three Types of PowerIntervention 15-3: Assess and Process the Intimacy ThermometersIntervention 15-4: Graphing Closeness throughout the RelationshipIntervention 15-5: Five Love Languages to Increase Emotional BondsIntervention 15-6: A Sculpting Intervention to Deepen Intimacy over TimeIntervention 15-7: Make Dreams and Hopes SolidCHAPTER 16 ENCOURAGING DEEP EMOTIONAL SHARING: HELP PARTNERS SHARE POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE EMOTIONSIntervention 16-1: Romantic Dates and Special Times to Enhance Emotional IntimacyIntervention 16-2: Three Ways to Enhance Sexual IntimacyIntervention 16-3: Intellectual and Recreational IntimacyIntervention 16-4: Prompt Spiritual and Romantic ReflectionIntervention 16-5: Assessing Spirituality with CouplesIntervention 16-6: Couple PrayerIntervention 16-7: Process Ruptures in the Therapeutic AllianceCHAPTER 17 BALANCING INTIMACY AND CLOSENESS WITH CO-ACTION AND ALONE-TIME: FIND THE RIGHT MIX FOR EACH COUPLEFigure 17-1: The Distancer-Pursuer Couple Play-List. Topics that Trigger the Pattern of Requesting Interaction Followed by Withdrawal Followed by Elevated Intensity of Requests, etc.Intervention 17-1: Bonding Day ActivityIntervention 17-2: A Used-Friendly Manual to Love MeIntervention 17-3: Distancer-Pursuer PlaylistIntervention 17-4: Influencing Well and Accepting InfluenceIntervention 17-5: Healthy Paths to Intimacy and IndependenceCHAPTER 18 DISCERRNING ATTACHMENT STYLES AND EMOTIONAL BONDS: FIND EFFECTS OF EARLY RELATIONSHIPS AND OF ADULT ONESIntervention 18-1: Understand Attachment by Creating Genograms Focused on Attachment StylesIntervention 18-2: Attachment Styles in Their Close RelationshipsIntervention 18-3: Two Attachment Styles, One Emotional BodIntervention 18-4: Predict Backsliding to Avoid ItIntervention 18-5: Address Defenses against VulnerabilityIntervention 18-6: Solidify Intimacy by Renewing VowsIntervention 18-7: Solidify Intimacy by Creating a Sojourning NarrativePART 4 FORGIVINGCHAPTER 19 DEALING WITH HURTS AND INJUSTICES: REDUCE THE INJUSTICE GAP TO MAKE FORGIVENESS EASIERFigure 19-1: Radical AcceptanceIntervention 19-1: See with Magic Eyes FableIntervention 19-2: Questions to Ponder as You Begin to Address Past Hurts with the CoupleIntervention 19-3: Stopping RuminationIntervention 19-4: Tolerate Offensive Behavior without Blowing UpIntervention 19-5: Forbear Instead of Seeking Revenge (Or Even Contemplating It)Intervention 19-6: Offer RestitutionIntervention 19-7: Grace Ain’t Just for SupperIntervention 19-8: Radical AcceptanceIntervention 19-9: Transform Emotion with EmotionCHAPTER 20 USING AN EFFECTIVE FORGIVENESS INTERVENTION: TEACH FIVE STEPS TO REACH FORGIVENESSIntervention 20-1: Issues to Consider as You Start a REACH Forgiveness Group Program for Your PracticeIntervention 20-2: Point-by-Point Summary of the REACH Forgiveness ProtocolIntervention 20-3: Research Supporting REACH Forgiveness TreatmentCHAPTER 21 USING REACH FORGIVENESS IN SESSION: WALK COUPLES THROUGH ITFigure 21-1: Four Interventions (21-1, 21-2, 21-3, and 21-4) to Promote Movement toward ReconciliationIntervention 21-1: Choose Four Offenses to Work onIntervention 21-2: Introduce the REACH Forgiveness ModelIntervention 21-3: Practice Confession and ApologyIntervention 21-4: Apply REACHIntervention 21-5: Work through a Do-It-Yourself Workbook on REACH ForgivenessIntervention 21-6: Have Partners Reflect on Their LearningIntervention 21-7: Six Steps to Decisional Plus Emotional Self-ForgivenessIntervention 21-8: An Intervention to Forgive Oneself Due to Non-Moral Self-CondemnationIntervention 21-9: Working with One Partner on Curbing Their Excessive Self-CondemnationPART 5 RECONCILING AND REBUILDINGCHAPTER 22 TEACHING FORGIVENESS AND RECONCILIATION: GUIDE PARTNERS THROUGH FOUR STEPS TO SET PARTNERS FREEFigure 22-1: Four Steps to Forgiveness and Reconciliation through Experiencing Empathy (FREE)Intervention 22-1: Idea #1 for Preparing Couples to Forgive & Reconcile—Consider WartimeIntervention 22-2: Idea #2 for Preparing Couples to Reconcile—Why Forgive & Reconcile?Intervention 22-3: Idea #3 for Preparing Couples to Reconcile—Savor Good ForgivenessCHAPTER 23 MAKING DECISIONS AND DISCUSSING HURTS: DISCERN WHAT CAN AND CAN’T BE REDEEMEDFigure 23-1: Prepare for FREEIntervention 23-1: Consider Memory of Past Conflicts with an AnalogyIntervention 23-2: It’s Not Only What I Did, But What My Partner Perceived I DidIntervention 23-3: Psychoeducation about Processing Past OffensesIntervention 23-4: Dan Wile’s (1988, 2008) Empathic RespondingIntervention 23-5: Preparing for Forgiveness and Reconciliation with EmpathyIntervention 23-6: Preparing for Forgiveness and Reconciliation with Emotional SofteningIntervention 23-7: Preparing for Forgiveness and Reconciliation through Regulating EmotionsIntervention 23-8: Address Resistance, Fuzzy Definitions, and Fears of ForgivenessIntervention 23-9: Write Letters of Apology as HomeworkIntervention 23-10: Discuss Potential Responses to Being Asked to Forgive the WrongdoerIntervention 23-11: CONFESS AcronymCHAPTER 24 REPAIRING DAMAGE TO THE RELATIONSHIP: FIX WHAT CAN BE FIXEDIntervention 24-1: Scaling the Injustice GapIntervention 24-2: Responding to Criticism Non-Defensively (In Session)Intervention 24-3: Principles to Address Unresolvable ProblemsCHAPTER 25 REBUILDING DEVOTION WITH FREE: CREATE NEW STRUCTURES TO REPLACE MISSING ONESIntervention 25-1: For Marriage War-Survivors, Read about Coventry and DresdenIntervention 25-2: Increase Devotion through Gratitude InterventionsIntervention 25-3: Motivate Couples to Use Regular Checks on FunctioningIntervention 25-4: Discuss Annual Relationship Check-Up QuestionsIntervention 25-5: Use the CARE Measure to Have Couples Self-Evaluate the RelationshipPART 6 REFORGING TRUSTCHAPTER 26 REFORGING TRUST: LET COUPLES KNOW THAT IT TAKES LONGER THAN THEY THINK IT WILLFigure 26-1: TrustIntervention 26-1: Illuminate the Processes of Trust-Busting and Trust-BuildingIntervention 26-2: Use Slow-Building Trust to Deal with Deep HurtsIntervention 26-3: ATTUNE, An Acronym for Handling a BetrayalIntervention 26-4: It’s Happening AgainIntervention 26-5: Partner Exercise in Building TrustIntervention 26-6: The Trust BankCHAPTER 27 PREPARING FOR FUTURE RUPTURES: ALERT PARTNERS TO INEVITABLE FUTURE RUPTURESIntervention 27-1: Anticipate Ruptures by Assessing Change throughout TreatmentIntervention 27-2: Anticipate Ruptures by Staying Calm in the Face of Resistances and RoadblocksIntervention 27-3: Anticipate Ruptures When Working with Partners with a Trauma HistoryIntervention 27-4: Anticipate Ruptures by Monitoring the Therapist’s Own Negative ReactionsCHAPTER 28 SOLIDIFYING GAINS AT TERMINATION: PROMOTE REFLECTIVE FUTURE PLANNING IN LIGHT OF REVIEW OF THERAPYFigure 28-1: Figure in Termination Report Reporting the Results of Relationship Closeness Before Therapy (darker pillars) and After Therapy (lighter pillars)Intervention 28-1: Three Questions at TerminationIntervention 28-2: An Example of a Final Termination ReportIntervention 28-3: Joshua Memorial or Graduation CeremonyIntervention 28-4: Post-Therapy AssessmentCHAPTER 29 REACHING A PRODUCTIVE CONCLUSION: HEED THESE TAKE-HOME MESSAGES

Everett L. Worthington Jr. is a clinical psychologist and Commonwealth Professor Emeritus at Virginia Commonwealth University. He has had over 40 years of licensed practice and has written almost 50 books on topics such as forgiveness, couple therapy, and spirituality/religion.Jennifer S. Ripley is a professor of Clinical Psychology at Regent University, Virginia, sharing the Hughes Chair for Integration of Mental Health. As a licensed clinical psychologist, she directs the couple lab at Regent University, supervises many couple therapists, and sees dozens of couples per year, testing the ideas for this book in a real-world therapeutic setting. Her website is www.hopecouples.com.

Knowing how to recover from life’s inevitable disappointments and emotional injuries is an essential skill for successful relationships. Worthington and Ripley offer a practical, sensitive, and evidence-based approach for helping couples to recover from relationship wounds and pursue a joyful life together. This marvelous new text provides step-by-step interventions for promoting hope and forgiveness and is an indispensable resource for every couple therapist.Douglas K. Snyder, Ph.D., is Professor of Psychological and Brain Sciences at Texas A&M University (College Station). Co-author of Getting Past the Affair, Co-editor of the Clinical Handbook of Couple TherapyHere is a book with a difference. The Hope-Focused Couples Approach (HFCA) is packed with more practical suggestions than one could hope for and it creates hope in both couples and therapists. It is technique-heavy and can be integrated with virtually any approach to couple therapy. You can select those techniques that fit into your treatment and add new methods of positive psychology are deigned to promote forgiveness, humility, gratitude, and hope. HFCA provides authoritative coverage of forgiveness and reconciliation for couples based on the authors’ extensive research and practice on these processes. I believe you’ll find this book a hands-on, practical resource.Leslie Greenberg, Distinguished Research Professor Emeritus, Dept. of Psychology, York University, Toronto OntarioAfter 30 years practicing couple therapy, I would describe it as a challenging but deeply rewarding adventure, and one that definitely requires a good “map.” In this book, Worthington and Ripley have provided an outstanding map based on their Hope-Focused Couple Approach drawing on a textured theoretical framework, solid research evidence, and a flexible set of interventions for effectively engaging couples’ strengths and values toward healing and growth. I grew to love doing couple therapy using an early version of this approach during my graduate training, and I continue to benefit from the clinical wisdom and strategic clarity of these authors as their model has evolved. I consider this book essential reading in the field of couple therapy."Steven J. Sandage, Ph.D., LP, Boston UniversityThis book offers an indispensable roadmap for forming, growing, maintaining, and repairing the emotional bond. Covering topics ranging from how to get couples to do homework, to understanding what to do when the emotional bond is severely strained, to immensely practical strategies to tackle such big and potentially overwhelming constructs like hope and forgiveness, this is a fantastic tool box for both new therapists and seasoned ones alike. I learned many new strategies that I look forward to implementing in my own practice. One of this book’s greatest contributions to the literature is the concept of hope, which is an overlooked virtue in couple relationships. As long as couples have hope and commitment, they can surmount daily fluctuations in their satisfaction and retain motivation to work toward change. Loss of hope is deadly, and I am grateful that these two excellent therapists have brought this concept front and center of this book so that other therapists will pay attention to it and learn how to cultivate it when it is waning.Kristina Coop Gordon, Ph.D. Professor and Associate Dean for Community Engagement University of Tennessee-Knoxville. Co-author of Getting Past the AffairThis book is the first to provide an innovative, practice friendly integration of constructs in positive psychology into couple therapy. The numerous interventions provided throughout the text are explained within a patient-friendly framework that will appeal to all therapists regardless of theoretical orientation. It is an essential resource that belongs on the shelves of novice to seasoned practitioners.Frank D. Fincham, Ph.D. Eminent Scholar and Director, Florida State University Family InstituteThis book, written by two true experts in couples’ relationships, incorporates a rare combination of strategies to inspire hope, positivity, and forgiveness for couples in an easy-to-understand, practical manner. It is filled with empirically supported strategies that will be invaluable across therapists’ theoretical orientations while providing a cogent, flexible framework for treatment. This volume will expand and deepen the work of both experienced and beginning couple therapists, and I recommend it highly.Don Baucom Distinguished Professor of Psychology and Neuroscience University of North Carolina. Co-author of Baucom, D. H., Fischer, M. S., Corrie, S., Worrell, M., & Boeding, S. E., Treating relationship distress and psychopathology in couples: A cognitive-behavioural approach (2020)Worthington and Ripley have expanded the boundaries of couple therapy, covering all the twists and turns from intake to termination, as well as providing a rich conceptual framework to guide intervention. Their detailed description of over 100 practical strategies to help couples as they strengthen their relationships and build hope for the future is a wonderful addition to the field and a must read for students, teachers, scholars, and practitioners in the ever-evolving field of couple therapy.Steven R. H. Beach, Ph.D. Regent’s Professor of Psychology, University of Georgia Director, Center for Family Research Author, Depression in MarriageThis is an exceptional resource for marital and couples therapists of any theoretical background. Centered around the goal of producing hope, Worthington and Ripley provide over 100 clear, usable—“how to do it”— strategies. The work is richly cited, engaging, and thoroughly useful.Scott M. Stanley, Ph.D. Research Professor, University of Denver. Co-author of Fighting for Your Marriage

• CHAPTER 1 ADMITTING TO THE FRAGILITY OF COUPLE THERAPY: HOLD ONTO HOPEPART 1 FRAMING INTERVENTIONSCHAPTER 2 INTRODUCING THE THEORY: USE FIVE STEPS IN OPERATION HOPE Figure 2-1: Operation Hope: The Grand Strategy for the Hope-Focused Couple Approach.Intervention 2-1: Ten Techniques of the HFCACHAPTER 3 PROMOTING HOPE: UNCOVER DIFFERENT KINDS OF HOPE CHAPTER 4 EMPLOY STRATEGIES FOR LOVE: HELP COUPLES DO THE WORK AND KEEP THE FAITHIntervention 4-1: Education about Couple Therapy Intervention 4-2: Get This Across—In Couple Therapy, Work Is Essential Intervention 4-3: You Just Have to Do a Week of Work Intervention 4-4: Great Homework Interventions Intervention 4-5: Reflective Processing Worksheet Intervention 4-6: Love that Values the Partner in Action CHAPTER 5 USING THE THERAPY TECHNIQUES: MAKE CHANGE SENSIBLE Intervention 5-1: How to Do Sensible Scaling with a Couple CHAPTER 6 STRENGTHING THE EMOTIONAL BOND: FOCUS ON WHAT REALLY MAKES COUPLES SATISFIED AND STABLE Figure 6-1: Practical Recipe of Actions to Build IntimacyIntervention 6-1: CLEAVE to Bond Intervention 6-2: Tell Me a Secret—Share Your Dreams Intervention 6-3: Attend to the Emotional CuesCHAPTER 7 APPLYING PRINCIPLES OF COUPLE THERAPY: FIND THE ESSENCE OF HELPING COUPLES CHANGEPART 2 INTERACTING HOPEFULLYCHAPTER 8 BUILDING HOPE WITH HOPE: HANDLING OUR PROBLEMS EFFECTIVELYIntervention 8-1: The Alligator Intervention (Or How to Respond When Your Partner Snaps)CHAPTER 9 UNDERSTANDING THE COUPLE’S PROBLEMS AND GOALS: USE ASSESSMENT EFFICIENTLYFigure 9-1: The Couple Improvement PlanTable 9-1: Questionnaires and Scales for Clinical Assessment of CouplesIntervention 9-1: Educate Couples about PreferencesIntervention 9-2: Pre-Meeting Assessment QuestionnairesIntervention 9-3: The Dyadic Interview 10 QuestionsIntervention 9-4: Assigning Homework and the Couple Improvement Plan WorksheetIntervention 9-5: Detect Red FlagsCHAPTER 10 PROVIDING FEEDBACK TO THE COUPLE: ENGAGE COUPLES IN PLANNING THEIR TREATMENTFigure 10-1: Graphic Display of Carl and Sarah’s Ratings of Elements of Their RelationshipIntervention 10-1: The Assessment ReportIntervention 10-2: Feedback Report ExampleIntervention 10-3: Example Treatment Plan for Couple TherapyCHAPTER 11 SETTING UP ROUTINE OUTCOME MONITORING: PUT ASSESSMENT TO WORKFigure 11-1: H-ROM QuestionnaireFigure 11-2: Display of ROM Results for Each PartnerIntervention 11-1: Routine Outcome Monitoring (ROM) AssessmentCHAPTER 12 USING COUPLE THERAPY METHODS FOR HOPE: INSTILL HOPE FOR THE HOLY, HURTING, AND HEALTHYFigure 12-1: Pain-Defense-Offense Pattern (adapted from Sells & Yarhouse, 2011)Intervention 12-1: The Video ReviewIntervention 12-2: Stopping Negative ReciprocityCHAPTER 13 HELPING RESOLVE CONFLICTS: FIND MUTUAL INTERESTS BENEATH SURFACE FIGHTSFigure 13-1: Couple Conflict: Process and InterventionFigure 13-2: The LOVE AcronymIntervention 13-1: LOVE—Three Interventions in OneIntervention 13-2: Five-Minute DateIntervention 13-3: Simple Listen and Repeat, WarmlyIntervention 13-4: Time OutIntervention 13-5: Expressing Valuing LoveIntervention 13-6: Experiencing and Expressing GratitudeIntervention 13-7: Doubt Your DoubtIntervention 13-8: Diffusing a Power Struggle by Setting up a Win-Win and Inviting Partners to Honor Each Other’s Valued ChoicesIntervention 13-9: Values Card SortIntervention 13-10: Process the ConflictIntervention 13-11: Begin a Hard Discussion with a Soft Start-UpIntervention 13-12: Slimy Pit DemonstrationCHAPTER 14 PROMOTING BETTER COMMUNICATION: FACILITATE WHAT THEY ALREADY KNOWFigure 14-1: Practice Affirming and Active Responding Instead of Discounting and DisengagingIntervention 14-1: Love BankIntervention 14-2: Love Bank Spin-OffsIntervention 14-3: Making Affirming Active Responses Using the Speaker-Listener TechniqueIntervention 14-4: Leveling and EditingIntervention 14-5: Love BustersIntervention 14-6: TANGO and TANGO-EIntervention 14-7: A Coke and a SmilePART 3 BONDINGCHAPTER 15 REVEALING THE SECRET TO A HAPPY ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP: HELP BUILD A MORE INTIMATE EMOTIONAL BONDFigure 15-1: Sternberg’s Eight Types of Love Derived from Being High or Low in Passion, Intimacy, and CommitmentFigure 15-2: Intimacy Thermometers (Ripley & Worthington, 2014)Intervention 15-1: Plot the Couple’s Sternberg Love-Triangle HistoryIntervention 15-2: Conceptualization of Three Types of PowerIntervention 15-3: Assess and Process the Intimacy ThermometersIntervention 15-4: Graphing Closeness throughout the RelationshipIntervention 15-5: Five Love Languages to Increase Emotional BondsIntervention 15-6: A Sculpting Intervention to Deepen Intimacy over TimeIntervention 15-7: Make Dreams and Hopes SolidCHAPTER 16 ENCOURAGING DEEP EMOTIONAL SHARING: HELP PARTNERS SHARE POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE EMOTIONSIntervention 16-1: Romantic Dates and Special Times to Enhance Emotional IntimacyIntervention 16-2: Three Ways to Enhance Sexual IntimacyIntervention 16-3: Intellectual and Recreational IntimacyIntervention 16-4: Prompt Spiritual and Romantic ReflectionIntervention 16-5: Assessing Spirituality with CouplesIntervention 16-6: Couple PrayerIntervention 16-7: Process Ruptures in the Therapeutic AllianceCHAPTER 17 BALANCING INTIMACY AND CLOSENESS WITH CO-ACTION AND ALONE-TIME: FIND THE RIGHT MIX FOR EACH COUPLEFigure 17-1: The Distancer-Pursuer Couple Play-List. Topics that Trigger the Pattern of Requesting Interaction Followed by Withdrawal Followed by Elevated Intensity of Requests, etc.Intervention 17-1: Bonding Day ActivityIntervention 17-2: A Used-Friendly Manual to Love MeIntervention 17-3: Distancer-Pursuer PlaylistIntervention 17-4: Influencing Well and Accepting InfluenceIntervention 17-5: Healthy Paths to Intimacy and IndependenceCHAPTER 18 DISCERRNING ATTACHMENT STYLES AND EMOTIONAL BONDS: FIND EFFECTS OF EARLY RELATIONSHIPS AND OF ADULT ONESIntervention 18-1: Understand Attachment by Creating Genograms Focused on Attachment StylesIntervention 18-2: Attachment Styles in Their Close RelationshipsIntervention 18-3: Two Attachment Styles, One Emotional BodIntervention 18-4: Predict Backsliding to Avoid ItIntervention 18-5: Address Defenses against VulnerabilityIntervention 18-6: Solidify Intimacy by Renewing VowsIntervention 18-7: Solidify Intimacy by Creating a Sojourning NarrativePART 4 FORGIVINGCHAPTER 19 DEALING WITH HURTS AND INJUSTICES: REDUCE THE INJUSTICE GAP TO MAKE FORGIVENESS EASIERFigure 19-1: Radical AcceptanceIntervention 19-1: See with Magic Eyes FableIntervention 19-2: Questions to Ponder as You Begin to Address Past Hurts with the CoupleIntervention 19-3: Stopping RuminationIntervention 19-4: Tolerate Offensive Behavior without Blowing UpIntervention 19-5: Forbear Instead of Seeking Revenge (Or Even Contemplating It)Intervention 19-6: Offer RestitutionIntervention 19-7: Grace Ain’t Just for SupperIntervention 19-8: Radical AcceptanceIntervention 19-9: Transform Emotion with EmotionCHAPTER 20 USING AN EFFECTIVE FORGIVENESS INTERVENTION: TEACH FIVE STEPS TO REACH FORGIVENESSIntervention 20-1: Issues to Consider as You Start a REACH Forgiveness Group Program for Your PracticeIntervention 20-2: Point-by-Point Summary of the REACH Forgiveness ProtocolIntervention 20-3: Research Supporting REACH Forgiveness TreatmentCHAPTER 21 USING REACH FORGIVENESS IN SESSION: WALK COUPLES THROUGH ITFigure 21-1: Four Interventions (21-1, 21-2, 21-3, and 21-4) to Promote Movement toward ReconciliationIntervention 21-1: Choose Four Offenses to Work onIntervention 21-2: Introduce the REACH Forgiveness ModelIntervention 21-3: Practice Confession and ApologyIntervention 21-4: Apply REACHIntervention 21-5: Work through a Do-It-Yourself Workbook on REACH ForgivenessIntervention 21-6: Have Partners Reflect on Their LearningIntervention 21-7: Six Steps to Decisional Plus Emotional Self-ForgivenessIntervention 21-8: An Intervention to Forgive Oneself Due to Non-Moral Self-CondemnationIntervention 21-9: Working with One Partner on Curbing Their Excessive Self-CondemnationPART 5 RECONCILING AND REBUILDINGCHAPTER 22 TEACHING FORGIVENESS AND RECONCILIATION: GUIDE PARTNERS THROUGH FOUR STEPS TO SET PARTNERS FREEFigure 22-1: Four Steps to Forgiveness and Reconciliation through Experiencing Empathy (FREE)Intervention 22-1: Idea #1 for Preparing Couples to Forgive & Reconcile—Consider WartimeIntervention 22-2: Idea #2 for Preparing Couples to Reconcile—Why Forgive & Reconcile?Intervention 22-3: Idea #3 for Preparing Couples to Reconcile—Savor Good ForgivenessCHAPTER 23 MAKING DECISIONS AND DISCUSSING HURTS: DISCERN WHAT CAN AND CAN’T BE REDEEMEDFigure 23-1: Prepare for FREEIntervention 23-1: Consider Memory of Past Conflicts with an AnalogyIntervention 23-2: It’s Not Only What I Did, But What My Partner Perceived I DidIntervention 23-3: Psychoeducation about Processing Past OffensesIntervention 23-4: Dan Wile’s (1988, 2008) Empathic RespondingIntervention 23-5: Preparing for Forgiveness and Reconciliation with EmpathyIntervention 23-6: Preparing for Forgiveness and Reconciliation with Emotional SofteningIntervention 23-7: Preparing for Forgiveness and Reconciliation through Regulating EmotionsIntervention 23-8: Address Resistance, Fuzzy Definitions, and Fears of ForgivenessIntervention 23-9: Write Letters of Apology as HomeworkIntervention 23-10: Discuss Potential Responses to Being Asked to Forgive the WrongdoerIntervention 23-11: CONFESS AcronymCHAPTER 24 REPAIRING DAMAGE TO THE RELATIONSHIP: FIX WHAT CAN BE FIXEDIntervention 24-1: Scaling the Injustice GapIntervention 24-2: Responding to Criticism Non-Defensively (In Session)Intervention 24-3: Principles to Address Unresolvable ProblemsCHAPTER 25 REBUILDING DEVOTION WITH FREE: CREATE NEW STRUCTURES TO REPLACE MISSING ONESIntervention 25-1: For Marriage War-Survivors, Read about Coventry and DresdenIntervention 25-2: Increase Devotion through Gratitude InterventionsIntervention 25-3: Motivate Couples to Use Regular Checks on FunctioningIntervention 25-4: Discuss Annual Relationship Check-Up QuestionsIntervention 25-5: Use the CARE Measure to Have Couples Self-Evaluate the RelationshipPART 6 REFORGING TRUSTCHAPTER 26 REFORGING TRUST: LET COUPLES KNOW THAT IT TAKES LONGER THAN THEY THINK IT WILLFigure 26-1: TrustIntervention 26-1: Illuminate the Processes of Trust-Busting and Trust-BuildingIntervention 26-2: Use Slow-Building Trust to Deal with Deep HurtsIntervention 26-3: ATTUNE, An Acronym for Handling a BetrayalIntervention 26-4: It’s Happening AgainIntervention 26-5: Partner Exercise in Building TrustIntervention 26-6: The Trust BankCHAPTER 27 PREPARING FOR FUTURE RUPTURES: ALERT PARTNERS TO INEVITABLE FUTURE RUPTURESIntervention 27-1: Anticipate Ruptures by Assessing Change throughout TreatmentIntervention 27-2: Anticipate Ruptures by Staying Calm in the Face of Resistances and RoadblocksIntervention 27-3: Anticipate Ruptures When Working with Partners with a Trauma HistoryIntervention 27-4: Anticipate Ruptures by Monitoring the Therapist’s Own Negative ReactionsCHAPTER 28 SOLIDIFYING GAINS AT TERMINATION: PROMOTE REFLECTIVE FUTURE PLANNING IN LIGHT OF REVIEW OF THERAPYFigure 28-1: Figure in Termination Report Reporting the Results of Relationship Closeness Before Therapy (darker pillars) and After Therapy (lighter pillars)Intervention 28-1: Three Questions at TerminationIntervention 28-2: An Example of a Final Termination ReportIntervention 28-3: Joshua Memorial or Graduation CeremonyIntervention 28-4: Post-Therapy AssessmentCHAPTER 29 REACHING A PRODUCTIVE CONCLUSION: HEED THESE TAKE-HOME MESSAGES