Parenting For Dummies, UK Edition

Helen Brown is a journalist and a mother of three. She is Senior Editor for Boots Parenting Club magazines, the former Parenting Editor of She magazine and writes regularly for Mother and Baby.

"…practical advice…" (motheratwork.com, December 2006) …down to earth advice and practical answers for dealing with kids from newborn to pre-teens. Read it and relax!” (Best, February 2007)“If you’re after a book that does exactly what it says on the tin, this is it…Well done, Helen!” (Families South West Magazine, March 2007)“…essential reading for all new mums and dads…a refreshing look at the trials and tribulations of bringing up children”. (Scotland’s Weekly News, 21st April 2007)

• Introduction 1About This Book 1What You’re Not to Read 2Foolish Assumptions 2Conventions Used in This Book 2How This Book Is Organised 2Part I: All About You: What Every Parent Should Know 3Part II: All About Babies 3Part III: All About Toddlers 3Part IV: All About Preschoolers 3Part V: All About Schoolies 4Part VI: All About Siblings 4Part VII: The Part of Tens 4Icons Used in This Book 4Where to Go from Here 5Part I: All About You: What Every Parent Should Know 7Chapter 1: Help! Where Do I Start? The Basics 9Knowing Your Child: Ages and Stages 10Baby 10Toddler 10Preschooler 11Schoolchild 11Oh, and watch for the funny bits 12Knowing Yourself 12Your role: Parts all parents should play 13Your goals: Hopes all parents have 13Your fears: Worries all parents share 14Don’t Panic – It All Comes Together in the End! 14Chapter 2: You’re in Charge: Setting Boundaries 17Boundary Basics 17Understanding why boundaries work (even when they’re broken) 18Setting boundaries wisely 18Strict? Easy going? What’s your parenting style? 19Toeing the Line: Making Boundaries Work 20Being clear, certain, and consistent 20Making it cool to do the right thing 21Spelling out the consequences 22Following through 22Great ways to minimise boundary-breaking 23Moving on: Reshaping boundaries together 24Chapter 3: You Are Not Alone: Massing the Troops 25Working with Your Partner 25Discovering the truth about kids and relationships 26Sharing the load 26‘But Daddy said ’: Presenting a united parenting front 27Finding time to be together 28Working with Other Parents 29Why what they say can keep you sane 30And when you’re better off not listening 30A word about mothers – and mothers-in-law 31Single but Not Solo 32Finding back-up 32Choosing mentors 33Step-parenting: Raising a ‘blended’ family 33Chapter 4: Other Secrets of Great Parenting 35Right Way? Wrong Way? Your Way 35Big-Picture Parenting: Eight Skills That Will Serve You for Years 36Avoiding the Common Parenting Pitfalls 38Comparing and contrasting 38Over-parenting 39Setting too much store by stuff 39Five Golden Mantras Great Parents Repeat Every Day 40‘Onwards and upwards’ 40‘Don’t forget to laugh’ 40‘Once more, with feeling’ 41‘Guilt gets you nowhere’ 41‘It’s a phase’ 41Horrid comments even good parents hear 42Chapter 5: Childminders, Nurseries, and Nannies 43Choosing the Right Option for You 43The day nursery 44The childminder 44The nanny 45The granny 46Finding the Right People for the Job 47Going on a nursery hunt? 47Going on a childminder hunt? 49Going on a nanny hunt? 50And when they’re older? 52Separation and Settling In 53The Wise Parent’s Guide to Childcare 54Back to Work 54The practicalities: Sorted! 55The guilt: Busted! 55Part II: All About Babies 57Chapter 6: Surviving, Thriving, and Diving In: Getting Accustomed to Having a Baby 59The First Six Weeks 59Fasten on your L-plates 60Tear up the to-do list 60Jump at all offers of help 60Why Didn’t Anyone Tell Me? 61He looks so weird! 61He cries such a lot 61It’s a boy/girl thing: clinginess 63I can’t handle this tiredness 64He’s suddenly so hungry 64Heated debate: Dummies – good or bad? 64Holding Patterns 66Fab or fad? Attachment parenting 67Nappy Know-how 67Disposables or reusables? 67Changing-mat rules and ruses 68Blotchy bottoms 69Settling In: Life after Six Weeks 69The beginnings of routine 70Getting out and about 70Eight things never to leave the house without 71Looking After Yourself 71Making some me-time 72Coping? Of course I’m coping! 72Looking After Your Relationship 72Tiff triggers and how to avoid them 73The four rules of relationship rehab 74Chapter 7: Mmmm, Mmmm, Good: Feeding Baby 75The Truth about Breastfeeding 75Why breastfeeding’s great 76Why breastfeeding’s hard 76Breastfeeding myths: busted 77Giving breastfeeding your best shot 78How to breastfeed 79What to do when your milk ‘comes in’ 81Why we give up – and how to avoid it 81Throwing up all over: reflux explained 83Supplementary bottles 84Express yourself: A guide to the breast pump 85Doing it in public 86Doing it and working 87Weaning from the breast 87The Truth about Bottlefeeding 88Vital safety facts 89Overfeeding and weight charts 90The breastfed baby who won’t take a bottle 90There She Blows! The Strange New Art of Winding 91Chapter 8: Moving on to Solids 93When to Start Solids 93Letting the Food Fun Begin 95Getting ready: Spoons and bowls and other essentials 95Grub’s up! Loading the spoon 96Open wide: Here it comes! 97Beyond First Bites: Purée and Simple 98Baby-led weaning 100Being a Food Whizz 100Allergy Alert: Signs to Watch For 101Up for the Cup? 101Chapter 9: Sweet Dreams: Getting Baby to Sleep 103What’s Normal? 103Safe Sleeping 104The family bed 105Distinguishing Night and Day 106A word about naps 107And So to Bed 108Creating the ritual: Bath, cuddle, bed 108Here’s the rub: Massage magic 109Soothing ideas 110Beware the bad bed habits 110Sleeping bags 111Sleeping Through: Teaching Baby to Self-Calm 111A room of his own 112Wailing in the Wee Hours 113Hungry cry? Scared cry? Hurt cry? 113What to do when it happens again (1) 114What to do when it happens again (2) 115When enough’s enough: Time to get tough 115Chapter 10: Playing, Learning, and Socialising 117Big Movements for Little Babies 117Tummy time 118And sit! 119Doing the locomotion 119Shake, Rattle, and Roll: The Truth about Baby Toys 121Baby Talk, Buddy Talk: Developing Early Language and Social Skills 123Coochy-coo: Why baby chat works 123Baby signing 124Do I know you? Becoming aware of self and others 125It’s a boy/girl thing: girls talk; boys walk 126Six Cool Things New Mums Should Do (Eventually) 127Over-stimulating (and How to Avoid It) 128On or Off? Babies and TV 129Part III: All About Toddlers 131Chapter 11: Keeping Baby Healthy 133Newborn Niggles and Teething Twinges 133Cradle cap 133Oral thrush 134Nappy rash 134Teething pains 134Vaccinations: What You Need to Know 135The vaccination programme 135The heated debate: To jab or not to jab? 136Making jabs less of a pain 137Seven ways to boost your baby’s health 137What to Do When Your Baby is Ill 138Fever 138Vomiting and diarrhoea 139Coughs and colds 139Spots and rashes 140Common infectious illnesses 141Meningitis: The need-to-know facts 143Allergies, Asthma, and Eczema 143Allergies 144Eczema 144Asthma 145Protecting your child in the sun 146Chapter 12: Potty-Training 147Why Potty-Training’s Easier Than You Think – And How We Make It Harder 147Realistic Expectations 148When to try for dry days 149When to try for dry nights 149Natural infant hygiene 150Potty Preparations 150The warm-up 150Is your child ready? 151Are you ready? 152Got the props? 153Pick a method, any method 153Okay, Let’s Go! Potty-Training Boot Camp, Day One 154How to make it easy pees-y for her 155How to make it easy pees-y for you 155Nappies and naps 156Accidents will happen 156Now wash your hands 157So, how did it go? 157The ups and downs of pull-ups 157You’re Almost There: Beyond Day One 158Venturing outside 158Letting her take the lead 159Using the big toilet 160‘I can wipe my own bottom’ 160‘I want to stand up like Dad’ 160Dealing with Setbacks 161Poo refusal 161Regression 162The tough nut 162Nappyless Nights: Worth the Wait 163Chapter 13: Tantrum Tactics 165What Lies Beneath: The Toddler Tantrum Explained 165The beginner-level tantrum 166The intermediate-level tantrum 166Reacting with a Bomb, er, Aplomb 166Staying cool: Chill skills you need to know 166Being firm: It’s what he wants (really) 167Your Anti-scream Action Plan 168Spotting the tantrum triggers (and why you’re probably one of them) 168Heading off the meltdown 169Oh no! Stopping the strop 169Calming after the storm 170Special Tantrums, Special Measures 171Ssh, everyone’s looking! The public strop 171Pushing, biting, and other nasty habits 171Smacking (why it won’t get you anywhere) 172Chapter 14: Food and Sleep 173Toddler Eating: The Need-to-Know Facts 173Good eats, good treats 174Manners maketh matters worse? 176Little porkers: The truth about tubby tots 176Food and teeth: Surprising stuff 177What We Worry About: Common Parent Complaints 178She won’t eat vegetables 179She won’t drink (cow’s) milk 179Giving up the bottle 180She won’t eat meat 181She won’t let me feed her 181She won’t try anything new 182She just won’t eat 182Five ways to fox fussy eaters 183Sleeping Patterns: What’s Normal, What’s Not 183A word about naps 184What Keeps Us Awake At Night – and What To Do About It 185She still won’t sleep through 185She suddenly won’t sleep through 186She won’t go to bed 187She comes into our bed 188She gets up too early 188Time for a ‘big’ bed? 189Chapter 15: Keeping Your Toddler Safe 191Toddlerproofing Your Home: The Hands and Knees Tour 191Danger zone one: The kitchen 193Danger zone two: The bathroom 194Danger zone three: The stairs 194Danger zone four: The garden 195What about other people’s houses? 195Houseproofing Your Toddler 196Staying Safe on the Road 197Buckling up in the car 197Kerbside rules 198Playing Safe 199Danger! Don’t lose your perspective 200At the park 200At the pool 201Chapter 16: Playing, Learning, and Socialising 203Word Up! Encouraging Language Skills 203The art of conversation 204The sway of song 206The power of books 206Saying Daddy before she says Mummy – it’s not personal 207Why dogs are cats – and other mysteries 207Watching TV: The good and the bad 208Ready, Steady, Go! Winning Play for Active Bodies 208Upwardly mobile: From toddling to trikes 209Fun at her fingertips: Little hands at work 211The Art of Play: With You, With Others 213Friends over? Time to parallel play 213In adult company? Time for reflective play 214Going solo? Time for independent play 214Playtime over? Time to tidy up! 215Making the most of toddler groups 215Part IV: All About Preschoolers 217Chapter 17: Behaviour and Discipline 219Warning! Tough Times Ahead! 219Why little darlings act like little demons 220Great expectations? Lower them now! 221Managing Behaviour 221Tactics that work 221Watch your language 224Tactics that can backfire – and why 225Five patented parent wind-ups – and how not to let them get to you 226Teaching Please, Thank You, and Other Good Manners 228Instilling Values: Five to Teach Your Child by the Age of 5 229Chapter 18: Food Fights and Sleep Frights 231The Picky Eaters’ Club 231Getting the nutritional facts straight 231Eat up! Feeding fads that drive you mad 232Food mistakes even good parents make 235Ten ace appetite-boosting ideas 236But what if she’s a big eater? 237Sleep and Not-So-Sweet Dreams 238What’s normal, what’s not 238What keeps her up – and how to get her back down 239Chapter 19: Playing, Learning, and Socialising 243Mind Games and Make-believe 243Imaginary powers 244It’s a boy/girl thing: The car/doll divide 245Curiouser and curiouser 246‘Where do babies come from, Mummy?’ 247A word about TV 247Look Who’s Talking! Language Skills 248Let’s Get Physical! Revving Up Those Motor Skills 249Active bodies 249Busy fingers 250Fun with Friends 251Mine! All mine! Oh, okay, your turn 251It’s playtime! 252Chapter 20: Heading to Preschool 255Choosing the Best Preschool for You Both 255What matters most? 256What to look for 257Ten questions not to leave without asking 257Getting Ready for the First Day 258Preparing your child 259Settling in and saying goodbye 259And when she comes home 260Thinking Ahead to Big School 260Making the right choice 261What your child needs to know before she starts – and what she doesn’t 263What if we don’t get the place we want? 264Part V: All About Schoolies 265Chapter 21: Starting School 267School’s Cool: Creating the Right Attitude 267Taking the First Year (Reception, P1) in Your Stride 269The first day 269Ten little things that’ll make a big difference 270Strange faces, tricky places 271It’s a boy/girl thing: The great gender divide 271Bouncy boys and summer-borns 273Things that may take you by surprise: Part one 273The Lowdown on Moving on Up: From Infants to Juniors 275The ‘small’ years (Years 1 and 2) 275The ‘big’ years (Years 3 and 4) 276Things that may take you by surprise: Part two 276The Secrets of Good Parent-Teacher Communication 278Be the kind of parent teachers appreciate 279Listen and learn at parents’ evening 279Chapter 22: Eating, Sleeping, and Staying Healthy 281Smart Food Tactics for Smart Kids 281Good choices, bad choices 282Tackling weighty issues 283Want to try this? Widening tastes 284School lunch or lunch box? 285Time for Bed! Sleep for Schoolies 285Into bed 286Out of bed 287Wet beds 288Keeping Your Older Child Healthy 288Wobbling teeth 288Accidents will happen 289Growing up and puberty 289Bringing home more than homework 290Keeping Your Older Child Safe 291Chapter 23: Behaviour and Responsibility 293What to Expect: The Good and the Bad 293Refining Your Tactics One: Encouraging Good Behaviour 294Spend some time alone with him 294Set clear rules 295Dish out the praise 295Give rewards 295Seek co-operation cleverly 296Make sure that he’s heard you 296Be open to negotiation 297Hold family meetings 297Refining Your Tactics Two: Handling Bad Behaviour 298Have a code word 298Act as cool as a cucumber 298Acknowledge his feelings and share yours 299Withdraw your attention 299Make him take a break 299Offer a choice: Way out or consequence? 300Impose consequences 300Forgive and forget 301The five patented parent wind-ups – and how not to let them get to you 301Done Your Chores? Fostering a Sense of Responsibility 302Plugging Away at Good Manners 303Chapter 24: Friends, Self, and the World Beyond 305Fostering Friendships 305Making friends: The need-to-know facts 306Friendship smoothers and fixers 306Nurturing a Sense of Self 307Boosting self-respect 308Accepting your child for who she is 309Giving her space 309It’s a boy/girl thing: Different ways to praise 309Letting her be bored 310Doing stuff after school 310‘Oh, the things they say!’ 311Nine things to have done by age 9 312Nurturing Values and Respect for Others 312The rites of passage 313Understanding Big People’s Upheavals and Small People’s Feelings 314Death 314Divorce 315Bombs and bad news 315The truth about TV and computer games 316Part VI: All About Siblings 317Chapter 25: The New Arrival 319Don’t Mind the Gap! 319Setting the Scene 320Preparing Child One for Child Two 320Thinking about the practicalities 321Hello, Baby! Making Introductions 322Reactions To Be Ready For 323What your child may do 323The sibling doll 325How you may feel 326Five Ideas to Keep Your Head Above Water 328Chapter 26: Squabble Solutions 329Born to Fight: Why Squabbling’s Normal 329Diversionary Tactics 330Oi, Referee! Knowing When and How to Get Involved 331When to stay out of it 331When to step in – and how 331‘No, mine!’ Fights over property rights 333Fixing It So They Squabble Less 334‘But it’s not fair!’ 335Chapter 27: Loving Them All the Same 337Am I Your Favourite, Mummy? 337Making each child feel special 338When one child needs more attention 339What if you really do have a favourite? 339He’s Sporty, She’s Clever: Not Letting Those Labels Stick 340Beware of labels that limit 340Give a dog a bad name 341Born To Be Different? The Truth About Birth Order 341‘I never get to muck about’: Understanding your oldest child 342‘No one ever listens to me!’: Understanding your middle child(ren) 343‘No one takes me seriously’: Understanding your youngest child 344But I’ve only got one child 345Part VII: The Part of Tens 347Chapter 28: Ten Ways to Keep Your Cool 349Find your deep voice 349Count to ten 349Ignore the small stuff 350Respect the clock 350Give yourself time out 350Explain what you expect 350Remember how old they are (or not) 351Say how you feel 351Say yes (sneakily) 351See the funny side 351Chapter 29: Ten First-Aid Must-Knows 353She’s had a bump 353She’s got a huge cut 354She’s been scalded 354She’s got such a high fever 354She’s having a fit 355She’s swallowed poison 355She’s choking 355She’s been bitten or stung 356She’s got a nosebleed 356She’s just not right 356Chapter 30: Ten Things You Need For Your Baby (And Ten Things You Don’t) 357Shopping on a tight budget 358The Moses basket 358The cot (and bedding) 358The changing mat and bag 359The nappies 359The travel cot 360The car seat 360The wheels 361The baby seat 363The sling 363The clothes 364Ten Don’t-needs (Whatever the Ads Say) 364Index 367