Henry Brown, a retired solicitor, mediator and trainer, co-established a law firm in London, Waterloo and subsequently became a partner in a City of London firm. He co-founded and is a Vice-President of the Family Mediators Association and was Director of Mediation of the family lawyers’ organisation Resolution. Neil Dawson and Brenda McHugh are consultant systemic psychotherapists, lecturers and mediators. Having worked for over thirty years in child adolescent mental health services they are now programme directors at the Anna Freud National Centre for Children and Families where they have co-founded The Family School, London for children excluded from mainstream schools. They are internationally recognised trainers and have recently created an online training programme for mental health and school-based professionals.

"I wish that this book had been available nearly 40 years ago when I took my first faltering steps into the solicitor's profession." -Law Society Gazette"This is a remarkable book written by three experienced mediators." -Medico-Legal Journal"It is particularly heartening to find that so much wisdom can be imparted in 222 pages..." -Family Law" Henry Brown's reputation as a mediator is second to none and it is important that leaders like Henry and his co- authors should make their great experience available to all who aspire to excel in any of the many disciplines for which they write. The territory they survey is extensive and they achieve a clear introduction to a large range of subjects and concepts. Their survey will be particularly useful to lawyers and judges, whose training, qualification and practice place such emphasis on intellectual supremacy. Certainly although I have long been convinced of the need to understand the basics of other sciences contributing to family justice I found in reading the chapters in proof how much I did not know."-Rt. Hon. Sir Mathew Thorpe is a former Lord Justice of Appeal (England and Wales), Vice-President of the Family Division and the inaugural Head of International Family Law"Leadership and management guides too often propose some narrow technique as a new way to workplace success. In this book, however, the authors take exactly the opposite approach, on the basis that work relationships are best handled through a knowledge of how to balance and apply emotions, intellect and intuition, sometimes together, sometimes apart, to work through work problems with colleagues and clients. This is a style of leadership different from sectoral skill: it is the professional as rounded human being. I particularly enjoyed the chapter of dealing with difficult people, a skill rarely taught."-Ian, Lord Blair of Boughton, Commissioner of Police of the Metropolis, 2005-2008"As a reader you are holding an exceptional book in your hands. I know of no other generic work that addresses the universal challenges that face all professionals and, regardless of specialisation, aims to support them in performing their tasks, to serve their customer/clients in as efficient a manner as may be possible given particular contexts and configurations. Understanding the human attributes and relationships that underpin professionalism and being reminded of and taught about its salient implications, will make all of us more effective and better able to perform our obligations to provide the best possible service we are able to deliver. That is the value of this book."-Peter Fonagy, OBE, PhD, Professor of Psychoanalysis and Developmental Science and Head of the Division of Psychology and Language Sciences at University College London"The theoretical scope of this book is impressive as it seeks to build a comprehensive picture of the nuts and bolts of what we bring to our professional self and what the implications are for the relationships that wethen form and develop with colleagues and clients (author’s terminology).The book calls on professionals to actively seek and use self-knowledge and to consider the experiences of others in their practice in order to maximise the effectiveness of their professional relationships and in turn fulfil their purpose and remit positively and impactfully. "-Richard Ingram, Journal of Social Work Practice

• Psychology, Emotions and Intuition in Work Relationships: The Head, Heart and Gut ProfessionalContents Plan1. On being a professional The concept of "professional" in this workA more effective professional role and understandingThe focus on substantive education and trainingGaining some understanding of the behaviour of othersGaining some understanding about ourselvesWhat does the public expect from professionals?Professional and personal authenticityProfessional jargon, mystification and patronisationConspiracy against the laityThe patronising professionalClient’s reactions and empowermentHelping and healing professions Defining the helping professionsHealing professionsThe concept of the wounded healer Further reading 2. Head, heart and gut: Head – Brain and mindHead, heart and gut in functioning and decision-makingThe brain: central to understanding and functioningBasic neuroscience: the brain and nervous systemIntroduction to 100 billion neurons:The nervous systemThe human brain: old and newThe brain’s hemispheres: left and right brainTwo ways of thinking Automatic processingConscious attentive processingIntelligenceSome specialist views of the brainThe mindful brainThe social brainThe ethical brainThe spiritual brainThe mommy brainThe "new" brainThe mindFurther reading3. Head, heart and gut: Heart – Emotions The heart as metaphor?Cultural and biblical heritageThe heart’s physiological role in relation to the brain and emotionsEmotions and feelingsEmotional intelligenceKinds of emotionsThe purpose and effect of emotionsFeelings and consciousnessEmotions: reality and mythsThe myth of rational decision-makingThe myth that "negative emotions" are badThe myth that "venting" an emotion will resolve itThe myth that women are emotional but men are notFurther relevance of emotionsFurther reading4. Head, heart and gut: Gut – IntuitionGut as metaphorIntuitionWhat do we mean by intuition?Everyday and expert intuitionA sixth sense?Creative and predictive intuitionComplementary thinkingHeuristicsIntuition cautionsAvailability errorThe halo (and devil) effectFraming effectFundamental attribution errorThe representativeness heuristicThe overconfidence effectAnchoringSunk costs fallacySome other factors and biases affecting intuitionFurther reading5. The hidden power of the unconscious Don’t mention the warDagwood Bumstead and Basil FawltyFundamental relevance of the unconsciousFreud’s unconsciousJung’s collective unconscious and "shadow"The cognitive approachFreudian, Jungian or cognitive? What is this elusive unconscious? Does it even exist?Some practical implicationsMaking decisions and choices: free will?Intuition and "gut feelings"Slips of the tongue and other errorsBody language (non-verbal communication)Placebos and nocebos, Pygmalion and RosenthalPowerful and suppressed emotions distort effective functioningUnconscious competenceHigher intuitions and inspiration A springboard to other aspectsFurther reading6. The amygdala hijack: Triggers and strategiesThe multiple roles of the amygdala The amygdala hijackTriggering the "amygdala hijack"Fear PanicAngerShame and humiliation 21st Century multi-taskingRekindling amygdala hijack activators Some strategies for dealing with amygdala hijack triggersEmpathy and compassionMove off the topic causing distressSupport a shift into cognitive brain modeTake a breakDeep breathingHumourSome longer-term strategiesFurther reading7. Understanding personalityThe uniqueness of personality Lord Scrutton’s elephantThe relevance of personality Personality types and traitsBig Five Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI)Contradictions in traits and preferencesOther personality testsPersonality disorders and traitsDSM-5 and other classificationsMaladaptive personality traitsPersonality developmentCultural influences on behaviour patternsLinear-active and multi-activeCultural normsNature or nurture?Some practical implicationsSelf-awarenessRelating to clients, patients, co-workers and othersIdentifying and working with troubled personalitiesThe well-rounded professionalFurther reading8. Empathy, attunement and professional boundariesEmpathy: The essence of professional and personal relationshipsEmpathy and evolutionEmpathy and sympathyEmpathy and rapportEmpathy in a professional contextEmpathy, compassion and humanityEmpathy and reflective function (mentalisation or "theory of mind")"Against empathy"?AttunementAttunement between parent and child: attachment theoryInterpersonal adult attunementIntrapersonal attunementThe basic neuroscience of empathy, attunement and attachmentMirror neuronsOther parts of the brain affecting empathy and attunementNeural development and attachmentNeurobiologyProfessional boundariesBoundaried empathyOther professional boundariesPersonal-professional boundariesSome final thoughts about boundariesFurther reading9. Professional relationships and expectationsExpectations of professional relationshipsExpectations about the professional personallyExpectations about the professional environmentExpectations about the work to be doneManaging clients’ expectationsThe power of expectationsClient centredness (person-centredness)Transference and countertransference TransferenceCountertransferenceAuthority, power, trust and dependenceAuthorityPowerTrustDependenceCulture and genderCultureGenderFurther reading10. Enhancing professional relationships: Communication and other interpersonal skillsEssential communication skillsActive listening Observing non-verbal communicationsAcknowledgingHelping people to hearSummarisingQuestioningReframingAvoiding professional jargon and mystificationSome other interpersonal skillsEstablishing rapport Maintaining professional presence and professional energyManaging clients’ expressions of emotionsUnderstanding the value and use of symbolism and metaphorSome communication practicalitiesTerms of engagementSome practicalities concerning communicationsFurther reading11. Balancing professional and systemic tensions The essential tension of oppositesConflict and changeSystems and changeProfession v. Business Public professional persona v. private personaTradition v. change: challenging the systemSystems thinkingChallenging and changing systemsThe value of traditionThe downside of traditionRecognising and managing concerns about changeOther competing professional tensionsWork pressure v. need for self-care and leisureBudgetary constraints v. quality of careLeadership v. democratic decision-makingProfessional v. personal valuesFurther reading12. High conflict personalitiesUnderstanding high conflict personalitiesWhat is a high conflict personality and how does it manifest?Why professionals might need to know about high conflict personalitiesWhy do some people have high conflict personalities?Attachment disorganisationPersonality disorderMaladaptive personality traits and systemic influenceLinks between attachment, personality traits and disorders, and high conflictCautions and reservationsStrategies for professionals dealing with high conflict personalitiesBoundaried empathyEmpathetic objectivity – or reason and compassionStructure and recordsSmall steps ProactivityDealing with a client’s "world view"Helping with understandings and responsesHelping decision-making inhibited by strong emotionsSeeking third party support where appropriateHigh conflict endingsFurther reading13. Difficult peopleRaise your hand if you’re a difficult personEveryone is crazy except thee and me – and sometimes I’m not too sure about theeWhat do you mean "difficult"?Why some people are difficult and some strategies for dealing with themCautionary introductionHigh conflict personalitiesAnger – overt or suppressedNon-cooperation and passive aggressionPower and control – and MachiavellianismNegativityAmbivalence and indecisionIntolerance of other viewsIt’s the situation, stupidFurther reading14. Uncertainty, risk and imperfectionLiving with uncertainty The discomfort of uncertaintyBlack SwansCoping with uncertaintySuperstition: illusory control over uncertaintyThe relationship between uncertainty and riskRisk assessment and managementRisk-benefit analysisAppreciating levels of risk and benefitComplexity of risk measurement – decision treesThe considerable significance of subjective judgmentProspect TheoryRisk tolerance and aversionImperfectionStriving for perfectionLiving with imperfectionWhen imperfection constitutes professional negligence (malpractice)Imperfection and paradoxFurther reading15. NegotiationNegotiation fundamentalsTo negotiate or not to negotiate – that is the questionDealing with non-negotiable values"Bargaining with the devil"Negotiation approachesInterest-based cooperative negotiationCompetitive negotiationReconciling interest-based and competitive approachesSome practical aspects of negotiationPreparation, design and set-upZone of (Possible) Agreement and the negotiation danceThe initial stages: anchoringContinuing the negotiationsSome psychological aspects of negotiationEmotions and the myth of rationalityPerceptionsPersonality traitsCulture and gender in negotiationFurther reading16. Conflict and disputes: management and resolutionConflict and dispute outlineDistinguishing conflict and dispute The paradoxConflictDisputeConflict resolution and managementConflict resolutionConflict managementModes of responding to conflictDispute resolution: primary processesNegotiationLitigation – the court processReligious courtsAlternative Dispute Resolution (ADR): IntroductionNon-adjudicatory ADRMediation (conciliation)The mini-trial (Executive Tribunal)Neutral case evaluation (Early neutral evaluation)Adjudicatory ADRArbitrationContractual adjudicationDispute BoardsExpert determinationAdministrative or statutory tribunalsHybrid ADR processesMed-arb (mediation-arbitration)Arb-med (arbitration-mediation)Neutral fact-finding expertOmbudsmanOnline dispute resolution (ODR)Further reading17. Beyond techniqueBeyond technique: the conceptSelf-nurturing and establishing calmMeditationMindfulnessYogaPurpose and meaningEarning a livingMaking a differenceHaving a sense of purpose and meaningExpressing our humanityWorking holisticallyEnhancing expertise and skillMaintaining professional identity and self-esteemUnconscious competence revisitedFurther reading18. Support needs and resourcesProfessional backup, teams and networksWorking in teamsProfessional networks and bodiesSupervision, consultancy, coaching and mentoringSupervisionConsultancyCoachingMentoringSome frailties and problems requiring personal supportThe Achilles Syndrome, self-doubt and the secret fear of failureStressAnxiety and panicDepressionAddictionOther personal issues indicating a need for support Relationship issuesPersonality disorders and traitsAutism and Asperger SyndromeDissatisfaction with life path: Self-actualising and meaningCounselling, psychotherapy and complementary therapiesCounselling and psychotherapy Complementary therapiesFurther reading19 Transitions and EndingsLife and work transitionsTransitions: "Little dying" – endings and new beginningsLife and work stages: The Empty RaincoatClient and patients endingsManaging contentious endingsPreparing for retirement/Third AgeFinancial preparationEmotional preparationPractical preparationTransitions and endingsFurther readingBibliography Index

Henry Brown, a retired solicitor, mediator and trainer, co-established a law firm in London, Waterloo and subsequently became a partner in a City of London firm. He co-founded and is a Vice-President of the Family Mediators Association and was Director of Mediation of the family lawyers’ organisation Resolution. Neil Dawson and Brenda McHugh are consultant systemic psychotherapists, lecturers and mediators. Having worked for over thirty years in child adolescent mental health services they are now programme directors at the Anna Freud National Centre for Children and Families where they have co-founded The Family School, London for children excluded from mainstream schools. They are internationally recognised trainers and have recently created an online training programme for mental health and school-based professionals.

"I wish that this book had been available nearly 40 years ago when I took my first faltering steps into the solicitor's profession." -Law Society Gazette"This is a remarkable book written by three experienced mediators." -Medico-Legal Journal"It is particularly heartening to find that so much wisdom can be imparted in 222 pages..." -Family Law" Henry Brown's reputation as a mediator is second to none and it is important that leaders like Henry and his co- authors should make their great experience available to all who aspire to excel in any of the many disciplines for which they write. The territory they survey is extensive and they achieve a clear introduction to a large range of subjects and concepts. Their survey will be particularly useful to lawyers and judges, whose training, qualification and practice place such emphasis on intellectual supremacy. Certainly although I have long been convinced of the need to understand the basics of other sciences contributing to family justice I found in reading the chapters in proof how much I did not know."-Rt. Hon. Sir Mathew Thorpe is a former Lord Justice of Appeal (England and Wales), Vice-President of the Family Division and the inaugural Head of International Family Law"Leadership and management guides too often propose some narrow technique as a new way to workplace success. In this book, however, the authors take exactly the opposite approach, on the basis that work relationships are best handled through a knowledge of how to balance and apply emotions, intellect and intuition, sometimes together, sometimes apart, to work through work problems with colleagues and clients. This is a style of leadership different from sectoral skill: it is the professional as rounded human being. I particularly enjoyed the chapter of dealing with difficult people, a skill rarely taught."-Ian, Lord Blair of Boughton, Commissioner of Police of the Metropolis, 2005-2008"As a reader you are holding an exceptional book in your hands. I know of no other generic work that addresses the universal challenges that face all professionals and, regardless of specialisation, aims to support them in performing their tasks, to serve their customer/clients in as efficient a manner as may be possible given particular contexts and configurations. Understanding the human attributes and relationships that underpin professionalism and being reminded of and taught about its salient implications, will make all of us more effective and better able to perform our obligations to provide the best possible service we are able to deliver. That is the value of this book."-Peter Fonagy, OBE, PhD, Professor of Psychoanalysis and Developmental Science and Head of the Division of Psychology and Language Sciences at University College London"The theoretical scope of this book is impressive as it seeks to build a comprehensive picture of the nuts and bolts of what we bring to our professional self and what the implications are for the relationships that wethen form and develop with colleagues and clients (author’s terminology).The book calls on professionals to actively seek and use self-knowledge and to consider the experiences of others in their practice in order to maximise the effectiveness of their professional relationships and in turn fulfil their purpose and remit positively and impactfully. "-Richard Ingram, Journal of Social Work Practice

• Psychology, Emotions and Intuition in Work Relationships: The Head, Heart and Gut ProfessionalContents Plan1. On being a professional The concept of "professional" in this workA more effective professional role and understandingThe focus on substantive education and trainingGaining some understanding of the behaviour of othersGaining some understanding about ourselvesWhat does the public expect from professionals?Professional and personal authenticityProfessional jargon, mystification and patronisationConspiracy against the laityThe patronising professionalClient’s reactions and empowermentHelping and healing professions Defining the helping professionsHealing professionsThe concept of the wounded healer Further reading 2. Head, heart and gut: Head – Brain and mindHead, heart and gut in functioning and decision-makingThe brain: central to understanding and functioningBasic neuroscience: the brain and nervous systemIntroduction to 100 billion neurons:The nervous systemThe human brain: old and newThe brain’s hemispheres: left and right brainTwo ways of thinking Automatic processingConscious attentive processingIntelligenceSome specialist views of the brainThe mindful brainThe social brainThe ethical brainThe spiritual brainThe mommy brainThe "new" brainThe mindFurther reading3. Head, heart and gut: Heart – Emotions The heart as metaphor?Cultural and biblical heritageThe heart’s physiological role in relation to the brain and emotionsEmotions and feelingsEmotional intelligenceKinds of emotionsThe purpose and effect of emotionsFeelings and consciousnessEmotions: reality and mythsThe myth of rational decision-makingThe myth that "negative emotions" are badThe myth that "venting" an emotion will resolve itThe myth that women are emotional but men are notFurther relevance of emotionsFurther reading4. Head, heart and gut: Gut – IntuitionGut as metaphorIntuitionWhat do we mean by intuition?Everyday and expert intuitionA sixth sense?Creative and predictive intuitionComplementary thinkingHeuristicsIntuition cautionsAvailability errorThe halo (and devil) effectFraming effectFundamental attribution errorThe representativeness heuristicThe overconfidence effectAnchoringSunk costs fallacySome other factors and biases affecting intuitionFurther reading5. The hidden power of the unconscious Don’t mention the warDagwood Bumstead and Basil FawltyFundamental relevance of the unconsciousFreud’s unconsciousJung’s collective unconscious and "shadow"The cognitive approachFreudian, Jungian or cognitive? What is this elusive unconscious? Does it even exist?Some practical implicationsMaking decisions and choices: free will?Intuition and "gut feelings"Slips of the tongue and other errorsBody language (non-verbal communication)Placebos and nocebos, Pygmalion and RosenthalPowerful and suppressed emotions distort effective functioningUnconscious competenceHigher intuitions and inspiration A springboard to other aspectsFurther reading6. The amygdala hijack: Triggers and strategiesThe multiple roles of the amygdala The amygdala hijackTriggering the "amygdala hijack"Fear PanicAngerShame and humiliation 21st Century multi-taskingRekindling amygdala hijack activators Some strategies for dealing with amygdala hijack triggersEmpathy and compassionMove off the topic causing distressSupport a shift into cognitive brain modeTake a breakDeep breathingHumourSome longer-term strategiesFurther reading7. Understanding personalityThe uniqueness of personality Lord Scrutton’s elephantThe relevance of personality Personality types and traitsBig Five Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI)Contradictions in traits and preferencesOther personality testsPersonality disorders and traitsDSM-5 and other classificationsMaladaptive personality traitsPersonality developmentCultural influences on behaviour patternsLinear-active and multi-activeCultural normsNature or nurture?Some practical implicationsSelf-awarenessRelating to clients, patients, co-workers and othersIdentifying and working with troubled personalitiesThe well-rounded professionalFurther reading8. Empathy, attunement and professional boundariesEmpathy: The essence of professional and personal relationshipsEmpathy and evolutionEmpathy and sympathyEmpathy and rapportEmpathy in a professional contextEmpathy, compassion and humanityEmpathy and reflective function (mentalisation or "theory of mind")"Against empathy"?AttunementAttunement between parent and child: attachment theoryInterpersonal adult attunementIntrapersonal attunementThe basic neuroscience of empathy, attunement and attachmentMirror neuronsOther parts of the brain affecting empathy and attunementNeural development and attachmentNeurobiologyProfessional boundariesBoundaried empathyOther professional boundariesPersonal-professional boundariesSome final thoughts about boundariesFurther reading9. Professional relationships and expectationsExpectations of professional relationshipsExpectations about the professional personallyExpectations about the professional environmentExpectations about the work to be doneManaging clients’ expectationsThe power of expectationsClient centredness (person-centredness)Transference and countertransference TransferenceCountertransferenceAuthority, power, trust and dependenceAuthorityPowerTrustDependenceCulture and genderCultureGenderFurther reading10. Enhancing professional relationships: Communication and other interpersonal skillsEssential communication skillsActive listening Observing non-verbal communicationsAcknowledgingHelping people to hearSummarisingQuestioningReframingAvoiding professional jargon and mystificationSome other interpersonal skillsEstablishing rapport Maintaining professional presence and professional energyManaging clients’ expressions of emotionsUnderstanding the value and use of symbolism and metaphorSome communication practicalitiesTerms of engagementSome practicalities concerning communicationsFurther reading11. Balancing professional and systemic tensions The essential tension of oppositesConflict and changeSystems and changeProfession v. Business Public professional persona v. private personaTradition v. change: challenging the systemSystems thinkingChallenging and changing systemsThe value of traditionThe downside of traditionRecognising and managing concerns about changeOther competing professional tensionsWork pressure v. need for self-care and leisureBudgetary constraints v. quality of careLeadership v. democratic decision-makingProfessional v. personal valuesFurther reading12. High conflict personalitiesUnderstanding high conflict personalitiesWhat is a high conflict personality and how does it manifest?Why professionals might need to know about high conflict personalitiesWhy do some people have high conflict personalities?Attachment disorganisationPersonality disorderMaladaptive personality traits and systemic influenceLinks between attachment, personality traits and disorders, and high conflictCautions and reservationsStrategies for professionals dealing with high conflict personalitiesBoundaried empathyEmpathetic objectivity – or reason and compassionStructure and recordsSmall steps ProactivityDealing with a client’s "world view"Helping with understandings and responsesHelping decision-making inhibited by strong emotionsSeeking third party support where appropriateHigh conflict endingsFurther reading13. Difficult peopleRaise your hand if you’re a difficult personEveryone is crazy except thee and me – and sometimes I’m not too sure about theeWhat do you mean "difficult"?Why some people are difficult and some strategies for dealing with themCautionary introductionHigh conflict personalitiesAnger – overt or suppressedNon-cooperation and passive aggressionPower and control – and MachiavellianismNegativityAmbivalence and indecisionIntolerance of other viewsIt’s the situation, stupidFurther reading14. Uncertainty, risk and imperfectionLiving with uncertainty The discomfort of uncertaintyBlack SwansCoping with uncertaintySuperstition: illusory control over uncertaintyThe relationship between uncertainty and riskRisk assessment and managementRisk-benefit analysisAppreciating levels of risk and benefitComplexity of risk measurement – decision treesThe considerable significance of subjective judgmentProspect TheoryRisk tolerance and aversionImperfectionStriving for perfectionLiving with imperfectionWhen imperfection constitutes professional negligence (malpractice)Imperfection and paradoxFurther reading15. NegotiationNegotiation fundamentalsTo negotiate or not to negotiate – that is the questionDealing with non-negotiable values"Bargaining with the devil"Negotiation approachesInterest-based cooperative negotiationCompetitive negotiationReconciling interest-based and competitive approachesSome practical aspects of negotiationPreparation, design and set-upZone of (Possible) Agreement and the negotiation danceThe initial stages: anchoringContinuing the negotiationsSome psychological aspects of negotiationEmotions and the myth of rationalityPerceptionsPersonality traitsCulture and gender in negotiationFurther reading16. Conflict and disputes: management and resolutionConflict and dispute outlineDistinguishing conflict and dispute The paradoxConflictDisputeConflict resolution and managementConflict resolutionConflict managementModes of responding to conflictDispute resolution: primary processesNegotiationLitigation – the court processReligious courtsAlternative Dispute Resolution (ADR): IntroductionNon-adjudicatory ADRMediation (conciliation)The mini-trial (Executive Tribunal)Neutral case evaluation (Early neutral evaluation)Adjudicatory ADRArbitrationContractual adjudicationDispute BoardsExpert determinationAdministrative or statutory tribunalsHybrid ADR processesMed-arb (mediation-arbitration)Arb-med (arbitration-mediation)Neutral fact-finding expertOmbudsmanOnline dispute resolution (ODR)Further reading17. Beyond techniqueBeyond technique: the conceptSelf-nurturing and establishing calmMeditationMindfulnessYogaPurpose and meaningEarning a livingMaking a differenceHaving a sense of purpose and meaningExpressing our humanityWorking holisticallyEnhancing expertise and skillMaintaining professional identity and self-esteemUnconscious competence revisitedFurther reading18. Support needs and resourcesProfessional backup, teams and networksWorking in teamsProfessional networks and bodiesSupervision, consultancy, coaching and mentoringSupervisionConsultancyCoachingMentoringSome frailties and problems requiring personal supportThe Achilles Syndrome, self-doubt and the secret fear of failureStressAnxiety and panicDepressionAddictionOther personal issues indicating a need for support Relationship issuesPersonality disorders and traitsAutism and Asperger SyndromeDissatisfaction with life path: Self-actualising and meaningCounselling, psychotherapy and complementary therapiesCounselling and psychotherapy Complementary therapiesFurther reading19 Transitions and EndingsLife and work transitionsTransitions: "Little dying" – endings and new beginningsLife and work stages: The Empty RaincoatClient and patients endingsManaging contentious endingsPreparing for retirement/Third AgeFinancial preparationEmotional preparationPractical preparationTransitions and endingsFurther readingBibliography Index

Henry Brown, a retired solicitor, mediator and trainer, co-established a law firm in London, Waterloo and subsequently became a partner in a City of London firm. He co-founded and is a Vice-President of the Family Mediators Association and was Director of Mediation of the family lawyers’ organisation Resolution. Neil Dawson and Brenda McHugh are consultant systemic psychotherapists, lecturers and mediators. Having worked for over thirty years in child adolescent mental health services they are now programme directors at the Anna Freud National Centre for Children and Families where they have co-founded The Family School, London for children excluded from mainstream schools. They are internationally recognised trainers and have recently created an online training programme for mental health and school-based professionals.

"I wish that this book had been available nearly 40 years ago when I took my first faltering steps into the solicitor's profession." -Law Society Gazette"This is a remarkable book written by three experienced mediators." -Medico-Legal Journal"It is particularly heartening to find that so much wisdom can be imparted in 222 pages..." -Family Law" Henry Brown's reputation as a mediator is second to none and it is important that leaders like Henry and his co- authors should make their great experience available to all who aspire to excel in any of the many disciplines for which they write. The territory they survey is extensive and they achieve a clear introduction to a large range of subjects and concepts. Their survey will be particularly useful to lawyers and judges, whose training, qualification and practice place such emphasis on intellectual supremacy. Certainly although I have long been convinced of the need to understand the basics of other sciences contributing to family justice I found in reading the chapters in proof how much I did not know."-Rt. Hon. Sir Mathew Thorpe is a former Lord Justice of Appeal (England and Wales), Vice-President of the Family Division and the inaugural Head of International Family Law"Leadership and management guides too often propose some narrow technique as a new way to workplace success. In this book, however, the authors take exactly the opposite approach, on the basis that work relationships are best handled through a knowledge of how to balance and apply emotions, intellect and intuition, sometimes together, sometimes apart, to work through work problems with colleagues and clients. This is a style of leadership different from sectoral skill: it is the professional as rounded human being. I particularly enjoyed the chapter of dealing with difficult people, a skill rarely taught."-Ian, Lord Blair of Boughton, Commissioner of Police of the Metropolis, 2005-2008"As a reader you are holding an exceptional book in your hands. I know of no other generic work that addresses the universal challenges that face all professionals and, regardless of specialisation, aims to support them in performing their tasks, to serve their customer/clients in as efficient a manner as may be possible given particular contexts and configurations. Understanding the human attributes and relationships that underpin professionalism and being reminded of and taught about its salient implications, will make all of us more effective and better able to perform our obligations to provide the best possible service we are able to deliver. That is the value of this book."-Peter Fonagy, OBE, PhD, Professor of Psychoanalysis and Developmental Science and Head of the Division of Psychology and Language Sciences at University College London"The theoretical scope of this book is impressive as it seeks to build a comprehensive picture of the nuts and bolts of what we bring to our professional self and what the implications are for the relationships that wethen form and develop with colleagues and clients (author’s terminology).The book calls on professionals to actively seek and use self-knowledge and to consider the experiences of others in their practice in order to maximise the effectiveness of their professional relationships and in turn fulfil their purpose and remit positively and impactfully. "-Richard Ingram, Journal of Social Work Practice

• Psychology, Emotions and Intuition in Work Relationships: The Head, Heart and Gut ProfessionalContents Plan1. On being a professional The concept of "professional" in this workA more effective professional role and understandingThe focus on substantive education and trainingGaining some understanding of the behaviour of othersGaining some understanding about ourselvesWhat does the public expect from professionals?Professional and personal authenticityProfessional jargon, mystification and patronisationConspiracy against the laityThe patronising professionalClient’s reactions and empowermentHelping and healing professions Defining the helping professionsHealing professionsThe concept of the wounded healer Further reading 2. Head, heart and gut: Head – Brain and mindHead, heart and gut in functioning and decision-makingThe brain: central to understanding and functioningBasic neuroscience: the brain and nervous systemIntroduction to 100 billion neurons:The nervous systemThe human brain: old and newThe brain’s hemispheres: left and right brainTwo ways of thinking Automatic processingConscious attentive processingIntelligenceSome specialist views of the brainThe mindful brainThe social brainThe ethical brainThe spiritual brainThe mommy brainThe "new" brainThe mindFurther reading3. Head, heart and gut: Heart – Emotions The heart as metaphor?Cultural and biblical heritageThe heart’s physiological role in relation to the brain and emotionsEmotions and feelingsEmotional intelligenceKinds of emotionsThe purpose and effect of emotionsFeelings and consciousnessEmotions: reality and mythsThe myth of rational decision-makingThe myth that "negative emotions" are badThe myth that "venting" an emotion will resolve itThe myth that women are emotional but men are notFurther relevance of emotionsFurther reading4. Head, heart and gut: Gut – IntuitionGut as metaphorIntuitionWhat do we mean by intuition?Everyday and expert intuitionA sixth sense?Creative and predictive intuitionComplementary thinkingHeuristicsIntuition cautionsAvailability errorThe halo (and devil) effectFraming effectFundamental attribution errorThe representativeness heuristicThe overconfidence effectAnchoringSunk costs fallacySome other factors and biases affecting intuitionFurther reading5. The hidden power of the unconscious Don’t mention the warDagwood Bumstead and Basil FawltyFundamental relevance of the unconsciousFreud’s unconsciousJung’s collective unconscious and "shadow"The cognitive approachFreudian, Jungian or cognitive? What is this elusive unconscious? Does it even exist?Some practical implicationsMaking decisions and choices: free will?Intuition and "gut feelings"Slips of the tongue and other errorsBody language (non-verbal communication)Placebos and nocebos, Pygmalion and RosenthalPowerful and suppressed emotions distort effective functioningUnconscious competenceHigher intuitions and inspiration A springboard to other aspectsFurther reading6. The amygdala hijack: Triggers and strategiesThe multiple roles of the amygdala The amygdala hijackTriggering the "amygdala hijack"Fear PanicAngerShame and humiliation 21st Century multi-taskingRekindling amygdala hijack activators Some strategies for dealing with amygdala hijack triggersEmpathy and compassionMove off the topic causing distressSupport a shift into cognitive brain modeTake a breakDeep breathingHumourSome longer-term strategiesFurther reading7. Understanding personalityThe uniqueness of personality Lord Scrutton’s elephantThe relevance of personality Personality types and traitsBig Five Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI)Contradictions in traits and preferencesOther personality testsPersonality disorders and traitsDSM-5 and other classificationsMaladaptive personality traitsPersonality developmentCultural influences on behaviour patternsLinear-active and multi-activeCultural normsNature or nurture?Some practical implicationsSelf-awarenessRelating to clients, patients, co-workers and othersIdentifying and working with troubled personalitiesThe well-rounded professionalFurther reading8. Empathy, attunement and professional boundariesEmpathy: The essence of professional and personal relationshipsEmpathy and evolutionEmpathy and sympathyEmpathy and rapportEmpathy in a professional contextEmpathy, compassion and humanityEmpathy and reflective function (mentalisation or "theory of mind")"Against empathy"?AttunementAttunement between parent and child: attachment theoryInterpersonal adult attunementIntrapersonal attunementThe basic neuroscience of empathy, attunement and attachmentMirror neuronsOther parts of the brain affecting empathy and attunementNeural development and attachmentNeurobiologyProfessional boundariesBoundaried empathyOther professional boundariesPersonal-professional boundariesSome final thoughts about boundariesFurther reading9. Professional relationships and expectationsExpectations of professional relationshipsExpectations about the professional personallyExpectations about the professional environmentExpectations about the work to be doneManaging clients’ expectationsThe power of expectationsClient centredness (person-centredness)Transference and countertransference TransferenceCountertransferenceAuthority, power, trust and dependenceAuthorityPowerTrustDependenceCulture and genderCultureGenderFurther reading10. Enhancing professional relationships: Communication and other interpersonal skillsEssential communication skillsActive listening Observing non-verbal communicationsAcknowledgingHelping people to hearSummarisingQuestioningReframingAvoiding professional jargon and mystificationSome other interpersonal skillsEstablishing rapport Maintaining professional presence and professional energyManaging clients’ expressions of emotionsUnderstanding the value and use of symbolism and metaphorSome communication practicalitiesTerms of engagementSome practicalities concerning communicationsFurther reading11. Balancing professional and systemic tensions The essential tension of oppositesConflict and changeSystems and changeProfession v. Business Public professional persona v. private personaTradition v. change: challenging the systemSystems thinkingChallenging and changing systemsThe value of traditionThe downside of traditionRecognising and managing concerns about changeOther competing professional tensionsWork pressure v. need for self-care and leisureBudgetary constraints v. quality of careLeadership v. democratic decision-makingProfessional v. personal valuesFurther reading12. High conflict personalitiesUnderstanding high conflict personalitiesWhat is a high conflict personality and how does it manifest?Why professionals might need to know about high conflict personalitiesWhy do some people have high conflict personalities?Attachment disorganisationPersonality disorderMaladaptive personality traits and systemic influenceLinks between attachment, personality traits and disorders, and high conflictCautions and reservationsStrategies for professionals dealing with high conflict personalitiesBoundaried empathyEmpathetic objectivity – or reason and compassionStructure and recordsSmall steps ProactivityDealing with a client’s "world view"Helping with understandings and responsesHelping decision-making inhibited by strong emotionsSeeking third party support where appropriateHigh conflict endingsFurther reading13. Difficult peopleRaise your hand if you’re a difficult personEveryone is crazy except thee and me – and sometimes I’m not too sure about theeWhat do you mean "difficult"?Why some people are difficult and some strategies for dealing with themCautionary introductionHigh conflict personalitiesAnger – overt or suppressedNon-cooperation and passive aggressionPower and control – and MachiavellianismNegativityAmbivalence and indecisionIntolerance of other viewsIt’s the situation, stupidFurther reading14. Uncertainty, risk and imperfectionLiving with uncertainty The discomfort of uncertaintyBlack SwansCoping with uncertaintySuperstition: illusory control over uncertaintyThe relationship between uncertainty and riskRisk assessment and managementRisk-benefit analysisAppreciating levels of risk and benefitComplexity of risk measurement – decision treesThe considerable significance of subjective judgmentProspect TheoryRisk tolerance and aversionImperfectionStriving for perfectionLiving with imperfectionWhen imperfection constitutes professional negligence (malpractice)Imperfection and paradoxFurther reading15. NegotiationNegotiation fundamentalsTo negotiate or not to negotiate – that is the questionDealing with non-negotiable values"Bargaining with the devil"Negotiation approachesInterest-based cooperative negotiationCompetitive negotiationReconciling interest-based and competitive approachesSome practical aspects of negotiationPreparation, design and set-upZone of (Possible) Agreement and the negotiation danceThe initial stages: anchoringContinuing the negotiationsSome psychological aspects of negotiationEmotions and the myth of rationalityPerceptionsPersonality traitsCulture and gender in negotiationFurther reading16. Conflict and disputes: management and resolutionConflict and dispute outlineDistinguishing conflict and dispute The paradoxConflictDisputeConflict resolution and managementConflict resolutionConflict managementModes of responding to conflictDispute resolution: primary processesNegotiationLitigation – the court processReligious courtsAlternative Dispute Resolution (ADR): IntroductionNon-adjudicatory ADRMediation (conciliation)The mini-trial (Executive Tribunal)Neutral case evaluation (Early neutral evaluation)Adjudicatory ADRArbitrationContractual adjudicationDispute BoardsExpert determinationAdministrative or statutory tribunalsHybrid ADR processesMed-arb (mediation-arbitration)Arb-med (arbitration-mediation)Neutral fact-finding expertOmbudsmanOnline dispute resolution (ODR)Further reading17. Beyond techniqueBeyond technique: the conceptSelf-nurturing and establishing calmMeditationMindfulnessYogaPurpose and meaningEarning a livingMaking a differenceHaving a sense of purpose and meaningExpressing our humanityWorking holisticallyEnhancing expertise and skillMaintaining professional identity and self-esteemUnconscious competence revisitedFurther reading18. Support needs and resourcesProfessional backup, teams and networksWorking in teamsProfessional networks and bodiesSupervision, consultancy, coaching and mentoringSupervisionConsultancyCoachingMentoringSome frailties and problems requiring personal supportThe Achilles Syndrome, self-doubt and the secret fear of failureStressAnxiety and panicDepressionAddictionOther personal issues indicating a need for support Relationship issuesPersonality disorders and traitsAutism and Asperger SyndromeDissatisfaction with life path: Self-actualising and meaningCounselling, psychotherapy and complementary therapiesCounselling and psychotherapy Complementary therapiesFurther reading19 Transitions and EndingsLife and work transitionsTransitions: "Little dying" – endings and new beginningsLife and work stages: The Empty RaincoatClient and patients endingsManaging contentious endingsPreparing for retirement/Third AgeFinancial preparationEmotional preparationPractical preparationTransitions and endingsFurther readingBibliography Index