Transforming the Shame Triangle

Jessica Fern is a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional and an integrative practitioner with decades of experience and training in somatic, narrative, psychotherapeutic and spiritual therapies. She is the author of Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Nonmonogamy and The Polysecure Workbook, and co-author of Polywise: A Deeper Dive Into Navigating Open Relationships and Transforming the Shame Triangle: From Shame to Love Using Parts Work.David Cooley is a professional restorative justice facilitator, diversity and privilege awareness trainer and bilingual cultural broker. With Jessica Fern, he is the co-author of Polywise: A Deeper Dive Into Navigating Open Relationships and Transforming the Shame Triangle: From Shame to Love Using Parts Work. He is the creator of the Restorative Relationships Conversations model, a process that transforms interpersonal conflict into deeper connection, intimacy and repair.

"A fresh, insightful take on one of our slipperiest emotions that offers readers workable pathways forward.”

• AcknowledgmentsIntroductionMy Journey to Parts WorkAbout Us: Jess and DaveA Note on Shame Versus shameBook OverviewChapter 1: The Drama TriangleWhy So Much Drama?Who Starts the Triangle?Getting Off the Drama TriangleChapter 2: Getting to Know Your Shame TriangleThe Inner CriticShameEscapersHow Your Shame Triangle Parts Instigate Each OtherChapter 3: Shame Triangle Origins and TriggersWhere Does the Shame Triangle Come From?Recognizing InternalizationShame Triangle TriggersThe Trouble with Positive EventsChapter 4: The SelfThe Self in IFSExercises for Cultivating Self-ConnectionChapter 5: Becoming Self-Centered in Body, Heart and MindThe Self-Centered ModelThe Body CenterThe Heart CenterThe Mind CenterEvaluating Your Three CentersIntegration and Reflection: Bringing the Three Centers into BalanceChapter 6: Dialoguing with Your PartsThe Absent but ImplicitA Few Common Concerns Before You BeginThe Transformation ProcessTransforming the Inner CriticTransforming ShameTransforming EscapersChapter 7: The Shame Triangle and the BodyThe Shame Triangle and Nervous System Survival ResponsesThe Inner Critic and the Fight Response Turned InwardShame and the Freeze Response 213 Escapers and the Four F’sRegulating the Four F Responses of the Nervous SystemListening to the Body’s WisdomChapter 8: The Shame Triangle and the HeartHeart Center ExercisesChapter 9: The Shame Triangle and the MindShame Triangle MindsetsSelf-Led MindsetsShift Your Mindset PromptsThe R’s of Releasing Beliefs and Resonating with New OnesChapter 10: When Your Shame Triangle Isn’t YoursExercisesChapter 11: Bringing Our Shame Triangle Parts Together into the Self-Love TriangleRepair ProcessesCreate Your Own Ritual ConclusionAppendixEASE Process for Working with Your Parts References Index